The Right Side of Wrong
by Little Miss Whitlock
Summary: Another one of Emmett's 'bright' ideas leaves Edward & Bella in a fight. What will it take for Edward to convince Bella to let him back in the bed? Can Emmett help right the wrong? Both E & B POV, AU, AH, rated M for later chapters.
1. A Storm's Coming in: Hurricane Bella

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, Twilight characters, a Porsche, the TV shows Antique's Road Show or This Old House. I also don't own any other things in this chapter that I might mention. That being said, please don't sue me if I left something out. The only thing I do own is a twisted mind. I'm sorry.**

**A/N: I'm baaaack. I just uploaded the last chapter of One Step at a Time, and was working on this one-shot while finishing up. However, this isn't going to be a one-shot, it's going to be more like a short-shot, which to me has multiple chapters, but not a ton (I guess similar to One Step at a Time). Anyway, there's more to come if you like it. I hope you enjoy. Rated M for later chapters.**

**Special thanks to: Hammondgirl. Yes, you know you deserve it--thanks for all the help! *victory fist pump* i heart you. Go read her co-story with AHelm called Tahoe Tanglings. I'm not suggesting it, people. I'm telling you. After this (with maybe a little review for me?) go read it.**

The Right Side of Wrong

[ Bella ]

I hummed softly to myself as I pulled Alice's yellow Porsche into my driveway. Since my car was in the shop, she was more than willing to let me borrow hers. Ah, the benefits of having a best friend with two cars.

I was just coming from the mall, buying Alice a thank-you gift for letting me borrow her car. I had combed the mall for hours looking for something that just screamed 'Alice' but ended up settling for a gift card, knowing her taste was crucially different from mine anyway. I smiled to myself as I stepped out and clicked the door lock. The wind whipped at my hair, sending it flying all around my face. A storm was coming in, which made it a good night to stay in.

I unlocked the door and walked into dead quiet. I hung my coat up on the rack and kicked off my boots. "Hello?" I called out into the darkness.

"In here," I heard a soft voice call out to me.

I padded softly down the hallway, my fingers skimming across the wall as I guided myself towards the dim light coming from the living room. I peeked in the room and did a head count. _One, two, three, four._ Someone was missing.

"Hey guys," I said, taking two steps into the room and looking towards the television, where a movie was playing. I stared at it for a second, trying to figure out what they were watching.

_'Mommy, look what I can do!"_

I felt a blush creep up on my cheek. "My home videos?" I asked in disbelief. "Really?"

As my mom encouraged a five-year-old me on the video, I jumped off a small step, falling and beginning to cry. This caused Emmett to start bellowing for lack of a better word. I flipped on the light, angry at him, when I saw alligator-sized tears falling down his face as he held on to his side, gasping for air.

"Bella, you…you…you…oh God I can't even speak!" he managed to croak out.

"Emmett, stop it. You're embarrassing me…" Rosalie said, pushing him away from her on the couch. That only caused him to fall to the floor and he began rolling along with his laughter.

"It's not nice to laugh at Bella like that," Jasper said. But just at that moment, the video flashed to a seven-year-old me attempting to do a cartwheel, which of course ended in disaster. "Oh what the hell," Jasper said as he began laughing hard, too.

I pursed my lips together, willing myself not to blow up. I looked around the room. Alice was trying to hide her face in Jasper's side, avoiding me. "Where is Edward?" I asked through my teeth.

Rosalie, being the only one composed, stared at her nails like she was bored. "He went out to get the pizza and beer. He should be back soon."

"I should hope so. There's a storm coming in, they were talking about it on the radio. Looks to be a bad one."

Alice cringed. "You better put my Porsche in the garage tonight, Bella. I don't want anything to happen to my baby."

I was about to answer her with some sarcastic comment as I heard the front door open and shut. I smiled—Edward was home.

"Hey guys, I got the pizza and beer! I hope you didn't start the home videos without---" He stopped when he walked into the living room and saw me.

Everyone in the room gasped, and Emmett began giggling.

I think my jaw hit the floor. "W-w-w-what did you do?"

"OH, man, you've actually got some balls!" Emmett shouted.

I stood, staring at Edward, or the man formerly known as Edward.

He set the pizza and beer down on the coffee table. "Bella, don't freak out…" he ran his hand over his head.

"Don't freak out? Don't freak out? Edward, WHERE IS YOUR HAIR?" I screamed.

It was gone. All gone—except for maybe the small buzz that remained.

He took a step towards me, to which I took one step backwards. "Bella, I just thought it would be a nice change…you know how unruly it was. So, when I drove to get the pizza, I went next door to the Hair Cuttery and…here I am."

I shook my head. "This isn't happening."

Edward looked at me. "It'll grow back. It's not a big deal. I kind of like it better, actually."

Jasper stood up uncomfortably. "Well, we better get home before the storm comes through."

Alice stood up behind him, flittering from toe to toe, obviously anxious about my blow-up on Edward.

"You guys don't have to leave…" I said, feeling guilty.

Rosalie shook her head. "No, it's better this way. Come on, Emmett."

Emmett pouted. "And miss all the action of an Edward and Bella fight? Rosie, can't I stay?"

She kicked him gently with the toe of her pointy shoe. "Emmett…now."

He got up, grumbling about he always missed 'the good ones.' I was walking them to the door when I saw Emmett slip Edward some money. I turned around, now reeling with anger.

"What is that?!"

Edward stuffed the money in his pocket, trying to hide the evidence. "What's what?"

"What did Emmett give you?"

I heard Jasper murmur a low "oh shit" before ducking out the door with Alice. Fighting always made him uncomfortable, no matter how bad he wanted to know how it would ultimately end.

"What are you talking about, Bella?" Emmett asked. Rosalie looked over and rolled her eyes.

"I'm sorry for his idiocy, Bella. Call me later, alright?"

I stomped my foot. "What…did…you…give…Edward?"

Emmett ran his hand behind his neck, rubbing softly. "I bet Edward 50 bucks that he wouldn't shave his head. So, I had to pay up."

I swear my eyes bugged out of their sockets. "WHAT? EMMETT. OUT. NOW!"

Rose dragged him out to their car and I slammed the door, letting out a low growl. I turned back to Edward. "Fifty dollars?"

He shrugged. "Bella, it will grow back."

"Don't you think I know that? Are you calling me stupid now? Edward, how could you do this?"

"Why are you making this a big deal?"

"BECAUSE IT IS A BIG DEAL, EDWARD! IT JUST IS!"

He tried to come close to me again, but as soon as he was within reach, I pushed him away. "Well you know what the good news is?" I asked as I stormed up to our bedroom.

He followed me, but didn't answer. I started searching through the dressers, pulling out Edward's pajamas.

I turned around to see him, cowering in the doorway. I was too raged to care. His hair had been the culmination of a bad day.

"At least you have fifty dollars to get a hotel room tonight because you are NOT staying here." I picked up a pillow and pushed it all at him, slamming the door in his face.

"Bella, please, let's talk about this. What's going on?" He called from the other side of the door.

I twisted the lock, keeping him out. "Leave, Edward."

"I am not going to a hotel. The storm is almost here, and I am not leaving you alone. Bella, please open the door, love."

I opened the door to his shocked face. "Fine! You don't have to go to a hotel. But don't think for one second that you are sleeping in this bedroom tonight." I shut the door and locked it again, for good measure.

********

[ Edward ]

She slammed the door shut for the second time. I let my forehead hit the wood. Bella and I had gotten in 'discussions' before, but this one was by far the worst. I knew it was my fault, too. Because I was stupid and let Emmett talk me into being irrational. _Fifty dollars, hmph._ I didn't even need fifty dollars. But it was the principle of the thing.

But now it didn't seem like such a good thing. I picked up my pillow and pajamas and trudged down the stairs to the living room. I thought about staying in the spare bedroom, but since I knew this truly was my fault, I figured I could torture myself on the couch for Bella's sake. I changed into my sleep pants and t-shirt and grabbed a spare blanket from the hall closet. I could hear the storm picking up outside, and when I looked out the glass door to the back yard, I could barely see the trees. Lightning was flashing across the sky.

I pulled the blinds and sat down on the couch, turning on the television. I started flipping channels slowly. I laughed when I saw the most random shows were on. "This Old House? Antique's Road Show?" I laughed and flipped on the VCR and hit play.

Images of Bella as a small child floated across the screen. Bella as a ballet dancer, a chef, opening Christmas presents, as a vampire on Halloween. She was so cute in each scene.

The guilt I felt ate away at me even more. I turned off the television and lay back on the couch. The thunder was booming loudly and as I put my hands behind my head, settling in for the night. Thoughts began to run through my head. _How could I have been so stupid? Will Bella forgive me in the morning? What can I do to make it right?_

I sat up and walked over to the piano, letting my fingers plunk out a sullen melody. I listened to the rain soaking the glass. A bright flash of lightning followed by a loud boom of thunder rattled the glass door on its hinge. Yes, this was going to be a bad storm. I walked around, making sure all the windows were locked and secured downstairs. I came back to the living room, bored and very awake. I knew I wouldn't sleep tonight if I couldn't make things right with Bella. I had to talk to her, had to apologize and tell her what a fool I was.

I ran my hand over my head, letting my fingers graze the light stubble that was left on my scalp. I caught my reflection in the mirror and sighed. Yes, I had fucked up, but it was time to make it right. I headed up the stairs and placed my ear against our bedroom door, listening to see if she was awake.

********

[ Bella ] [note: this is what happened while Edward was downstairs brooding]

I was so mad, and I didn't even realize how I had gotten that way. But I knew for sure Edward's haircut, or massacre, was the final straw. Things had been building up for weeks now. He hadn't called to let me know he was coming home late, and dinner was cold. He left his wet towels on the floor. He spent the last three Friday nights in a row having 'guy's night' with Emmett and Jasper. And now he had butchered his hair? _Was Edward having an early mid-life crisis? Did he need a change? Was I the next thing to go?_

I know if I told him all of that he would say I was overreacting. Which is why I wasn't going to tell him. I paced around the room for a moment before picking up my phone and calling Rosalie. She answered on the third ring.

"Hello?" She asked, sounding well on her way to being asleep.

"Rose?"

"Oh, God, Bella, are you alright?" She asked, waking up some.

I sighed. "Well, I haven't killed Edward. So yes, I guess I am."

"What happened after we left? And let me apologize for Emmett's stupidity again. Although, I will never be able to say sorry enough."

"Well, Edward acted like it was no big deal that he cut his hair and made it seem like I was freaking out over nothing. But it wasn't nothing, Rose. I cannot believe that this is going on. Anyway we yelled some and then I told him to get out."

"You kicked him out? Where did he go?"

"Well, then he told me he wasn't leaving because the storm was coming and whatever so I told him he could stay, but he was not staying in our room tonight."

"You banished him to the couch, I see. Ah, Bella, you're learning so quickly."

I was confused. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm sure he's down there wallowing in his own pool of guilt."

I shook my head. "No, I'm sure he already took his new haircut to bed." I sighed.

"Well, at least let him apologize in the morning and hear him out before you do anything rash."

"Alright. Thanks, Rose."

She giggled. "No problem. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

I hung up the phone and threw it across the room for good measure. I was mad, and I was not going to hold it in. I huffed loudly before changing into some pajamas and crawling under the blanket. I turned out the light and closed my eyes, but sleep refused to come. I was too wired to sleep. Just was I was trying again, a crack of lightning lit up the sky and a loud booming thunder followed soon after, ratting the bedroom window. I shuddered, feeling scared and wishing Edward was holding me.

Then I laughed out loud. _No, Edward would not be holding me because he cut his damn hair._

I smiled smugly to myself for kicking him out of bed and closed my eyes, letting sleep overtake my anger.

********

[ Edward ]

I stood at the door with my ear pressed to it for quite a while. I couldn't hear anything. I'm sure Bella had already gone to sleep. I sighed and ran my hand over my head again. The guilt resurfaced as my palm hit the stubble. _Stupid, Stupid Edward._

I was ready to head back down to the couch for my night of torture when I heard Bella whimpering. A crack of lightning lit up the hallway and I heard her rustling within the sheets.

"No…please…stay away," she called out, obviously having a dream.

My heart stopped, waiting for more.

"Edward…your hair…" she cried out sadly.

I felt my eyes water. I was a horrible, horrible boyfriend for upsetting her like this. Yes, this made me whipped, but Bella never asked for much. And apparently I had taken something from her that meant so much. All for a stupid bet.

I ran downstairs and grabbed my cell phone, and texted Emmett. _I'm in the doghouse because you're stupid. You better hope Bella forgives me or your ass is grass._

I smiled as I hit the 'send' button. I heard a loud commotion upstairs and took the stairs two at a time to get back up there. Bella was screaming, and I jiggled the door handle to find it locked.

"Bella? Bella? Let me in!" I called frantically.

She made no move to come to the door. I jiggled the handle again. "Bella, open up!"

I listened, but only heard her crying. At that point I was so worried about her, I used my shoulder to push the door open, busting through. Bella was sitting on the bed, curled up in a ball, her body visibly shaking.

I rushed over to her, wrapping my arms around her small frame. "Bella, are you alright? What happened?"

She looked up and pointed over to the window. A branch from a tree had broken the glass, and rain was coming in. I stood up and ran downstairs, coming back with a wooden board and some nails. I grabbed a hammer and began boarding up the window. Once it was done, I grabbed some towels and wiped up the water that had come into our bedroom, and swept up the broken glass so she wouldn't cut herself.

I walked back over to her, pushing a few strands of hair away from her face. "It's okay now."

She nodded. "Thank you," she said meekly.

I smiled. "Anything for you, love." I kissed the top of her forehead.

"Edward?" she asked, looking up at me through her red, puffy eyes.

"Yes?"

"You can go back to bed now."

I smiled. "Aw, Bella, I knew you'd come around!" I said as I made my way to the right side, _my side_.

She threw her body pillow, apparently the replacement Edward when I was away, across my side. "No, I didn't say you could come back to bed now. I said you can _go_ back to bed now."

I was confused. "What?"

She crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm still mad at you, of course. Now get out."

My heart sank, and then anger swept over me. I went back downstairs and tried to get comfortable on the couch, although it was no use.

Emmett Cullen was a dead man.

********

[ Bella ] [just as Edward leaves the bedroom]

I snuggled back under the covers, cozying up to my huge body pillow that I slept with when Edward was away on business trips. I didn't bother to lock the door because Edward had already busted it trying to get in the room. Yet one more thing to add to the list of annoyances.

I probably should have forgiven him after he rescued me from the broken window.

But I was still pissed.

Emmett Cullen was a dead man.

********

**A/N: Ok, do you hate me for cutting Edward's hair? *hides* I'm sorry if you do! I just thought, with Rob's new do and all, what if Edward did something so drastic? What would Bella do? So, yeah. And I love writing Emmett into stories, so he'll play a critical role in the upcoming chapters. *sigh* Ok, I'll be waiting for your theories!**


	2. The Morning After

**Disclaimer: Last night I had a dream that Edward Cullen and I were going to be married—I would be his, and he would be mine (please don't tell Jasper!). But, when I woke up, I realized: I still don't own a darn thing Twilight. Well, except the books, and some merch. *sigh* Steph, you lucky lady, you still have it all.**

**A/N: So, I'm glad you guys didn't stone me and found it amusing! I hope this story will be light-hearted, amusing, and sexy. I had some good questions come up in reviews: **

**Q: Is Edward a vampire? A: No, he'd be able to dazzle his way back into bed if he was. It's all-human here.**

**Q: How old are Edward and Bella? A: Edward is 22, Bella is 21. **

**Q: How is everyone related? A: see bottom author's note.**

**So what happens next? We'll see, won't we? I love to write Emmett, so look for more of him in this story. Ok, enough, on with the read!**

[ Chapter Two ] The Right Side of Wrong

[Edward]

The next morning, I woke with the sun shining right in my eyes. I threw my forearm over my face and turned to snuggle into Bella. As I rolled off the couch onto the floor and my back cracked in about 40 different places, the events of yesterday came flooding back to me.

I cut my hair. Bella blew up. I was kicked out of my own bedroom.

I looked out into the backyard, tree limbs and debris scattered everywhere from last night's storm. I sighed. This was going to take a while to clean up. I wonder if I could call the…

My eyes narrowed and I felt a growl rise up in my chest. _Emmett._

I picked up my cell phone, which displayed a time of 7:15 a.m. _Perfect_, I thought. I dialed Emmett's cell phone, which sent me directly to his voicemail.

_Hello! I'm Emmett Cullen! I enjoy long walks on the beach, hopscotch, candlelit dinners and…oof! Rosie what are you doing? Ouch! Leave me a message!_

I almost began laughing but then remembered why I was calling. "Emmett, this is your brother. Call me back. Now."

I hung up and dialed his house number. I waited three rings before a very tired Rosalie answered. "Hello?" she huffed.

"Rose? Is Emmett there?"

"Edward? Why the fuck are you calling at…7 am? Is the house on fire?"

"Put him on."

I heard her swear a few times and nudge Emmett before handing him the phone.

"What, man?"

"Why is your cell phone off?"

"Rosalie made me turn it off after you texted me at---"

"Fucking two a-fucking-m, Edward!" I heard Rosalie growl next to Emmett.

"Babe, go back to sleep." I heard him kiss her softly and then the rustling of sheets and the shutting of a door. _Good, now I can really yell at him._

I waited a few seconds. "Em?"

"Yeah, I'm here. What's so important that you had to call me this early?"

I took a deep breath. "Because of your stupid bet, Bella is still pissed off at me. She kicked me out of my bedroom and I'm not sure she's exactly going to forgive me today. This is your fault. Why did you have to bet me? You know I can't say no to a bet."

"Edward, brother, you have to calm down. Your hair, it will grow back. Bella, she won't stay mad at you. You're a Cullen, and we have the gift of wit and dazzlement. Embrace it. I'm sure Bella will forgive you in a heartbeat."

I sighed. "I'll call you later." I hung up the phone and went in the kitchen, deciding I would make Bella breakfast. I scrambled some eggs, made toast, and even oatmeal with a little honey, just how she liked it. I poured a glass of juice and put it on a serving tray. I carefully went up the stairs and opened the door that I had busted down last night to get to her. _Mental note: charge Emmett for a new door._

"Rise and shine," I cooed softly, setting the tray across her lap.

She blinked a few times before sitting up. Her eyes traveled the room and stopped at the window, which was boarded up, and the door, which was hanging off the hinge. "Edward, what happened last night?"

"You don't remember? There was a bad storm and a tree limb came through the window."

Her eyes got wide. "That's right." She looked over at me, and since yesterday, was really seeing me. Her hand reached out and touched my newly shorn head. She gasped and I thought I saw a tear form in her eye.

"Bella, what's wrong? I'm sorry if I upset you." _Time to turn on the Cullen dazzlement._

She frowned. "It's just that…your hair was so gorgeous."

I leaned in, letting my breath fall over her face. "Love, you are gorgeous."

I saw her hesitate for a moment. _This actually works!_ I screamed like a schoolboy inside.

But just when I thought I was going to win, she snapped out of it.

"Flattery will get you nowhere, Edward Cullen. You think you can come in here and bat your eyelashes and be all sexy and I'll just give in? Oh no. This is a war you've created. And I am not going down without a fight, and I certainly intend to win."

"What if I just concede now like a gentleman?" I was getting nervous. This was not going well.

She shook her head, pushing the tray away from her lap. "Nope. Not allowed. Now, you can grab some clothes, but you cannot stay in here. I'm mad at you and I intend to stay that way until you learn your lesson."

With that she swung her legs over the side of the bed and pushed me out the door. I felt my heart sink.

"Oh, and Edward?" she called softly.

I looked up in anticipation. "Yes, love?"

"Fix the window…and the door."

********

[ Bella ]

Did he really think that making me breakfast would simply allow him the win? I had much more fight in me. Plus, with an argument professional and coach like Rosalie on my side, how could I lose? Edward Cullen had one thing coming to him—sweet revenge. I would never shave my head, although I was sure that would get a huge reaction out of him. But then I'd be bald, and I would hate that even more.

I texted Rosalie and Alice: _We need to meet ASAP._

I smiled to myself as I hopped in the shower, thinking back to last night. Oh yes, I was still pissed. That would fade—but the memories of getting back both Edward and Emmett would surely land me in the Cullen legend book, and I wasn't even a Cullen.

I hummed softly as I washed my hair, towel drying it as I got out of the shower. I put on some light makeup just as Alice had shown me, and threw on a jean skirt and a white polo. I slipped on my shoes and grabbed my purse. I looked at my phone and saw I had received a response from Alice:

_Barnie's Coffee—10:15 a.m. sharp. Do not wear the white polo._

I sighed loudly. _How did she know?_ I thought about just wearing it anyway when I got a text from Rosalie:

_Bella, don't wear it—she knows you will and she'll bring something worse._

I threw my phone down on the bed and changed into a top more suitable to Alice's tastes: it was light purple and had a scoop neck and was somewhat form-fitting, showing off my "curves" that I couldn't see. I looked around the room quickly in a paranoid fashion; sure that Alice had installed a security camera to monitor my crimes against fashion.

I slung my purse over my shoulder and headed downstairs. When I got there, I could hear Edward mumbling on the phone, but I couldn't make out words or even figure out who he was talking to. I brushed through the living room and out the door, making sure he noticed my outfit and smelled my perfume. I smiled proudly. _Maybe I didn't need Alice and Rosalie's help afterall._

Oh, who was I kidding? Of course I did. I got in my car and headed for Barnie's.

********

[ Edward ] (just after Bella kicked him out of the bedroom again)

I rushed down the stairs, my fingers dialing the all-too familiar number on my cell phone. I heard a ring, followed by a second ring. I was about to growl with annoyance when he finally picked up.

"Did it work?"

"Did what work?" I asked.

"The Cullen dazzlement, brother."

"Emmett that is the stupidest thing I ever heard of."

"But you still tried it didn't you?"

"Yes," I sighed.

"So, did it work?"

"No! She saw right through it. And she's still mad at me. And by the way, don't ask for details, but you owe me a new door for my bedroom."

Emmett chuckled. "Not going there right now. So what's your next big idea?"

"My next big idea? Oh, you got me into this mess, and you are most definitely going to get me out of it!"

He put on his impression of the Godfather voice. "So it's my help you seek in a time of desperate trouble?"

"Emmett."

He laughed again, going back to his normal voice. "Okay, but you never want my help any other time, why now?"

It was at that moment that Bella sauntered by me, swaying her hips. She looked gorgeous in her jean skirt and almost too low purple top. Not to mention she smelled like the sweetest strawberry I'd ever tasted. _I have got to get her back._ I watched her walk out the door and heard her drive off. That brought me back to my conversation with my brother.

"Well, you and Rosalie fight all the time and make up—I figure this might actually be the area where you know more than I do."

"Say that again, little brother."

"No. Fix this. I cannot sleep on that couch again."

"Okay, is Bella home?"

"No, she just walked out the door. I don't know where she was going."

"No sweat, Rosalie said she was going out for coffee—I'm sure Bella is meeting up with them. Oh shit," he swore softly.

"What?" I asked.

"Edward, she's declared war on you, hasn't she?"

"Technically, yes. Why?"

"Shit brother, we have to up our game. She's got Rosalie and Alice on her side!"

"We're done for!" I cried out in anger. With Rosalie on her side, we were surely doomed.

"Not necessarily. Fortunately for you, I'm on your side. And I can play Rose like a violin. Don't give up hope just yet. We'll get Jasper, too. He knows all of Alice's dirty little secrets and schemes. And maybe he can pretend like he doesn't know what's going on so Alice will tell him what they are plotting."

"I don't know, Emmett. Shouldn't I just apologize again and see if she changes her mind?"

"Absolutely not! I am on my way over with Jasper—don't do anything stupid…or smart…until we get there."

I sighed. "I'll see you when you get here."

He said goodbye and hung up the phone, mumbling something about ski masks and all-black outfits. I shuddered. _Was it really a good idea to get Emmett involved? Shouldn't I fix this on my own?_

Of course it was good to have Emmett. He got me into this mess. He could at least suffer along with me until I was out of it. I was sure by tonight he'd do something stupid and he'd be sleeping on his own couch as well. Oh well. At least misery loves company.

********

[ Bella ]

"I just can't believe he would be so stupid!" Rosalie exclaimed, ripping off a piece of her muffin and throwing it on her plate.

I was frustrated. Actually, beyond frustrated. I was coming off my wave of being pissed off, but I knew once I saw Edward's new 'do again, my blood would be boiling.

"Who?" Alice asked.

Rosalie threw her hands up. "It's a tie at this point—I mean I can believe Emmett would think up something so lame, but for Edward to go through with it? He's always been the sensible one. He's the one who invented the 'Don't listen to Emmett' clause to the Cullen family crisis plan."

Alice shook her head. "So what's the game plan?"

I sipped my coffee. "I don't have one. That's where you two come in. You're the best at schemes and fights. Teach me your ways."

Alice grinned and I saw Rosalie give a small victory fist pump.

"We have a lot of ground to cover, but I think we can do it. I suspect Emmett's going to try to help Edward, which will end in an ultimate disaster. And if he pisses me off bad enough, I'll extend this game to him as well and he can sleep on the couch. Oh wait, the couch is broken. The loveseat for Emmett, then," Rosalie grinned devilishly. "Oh Bella, this is going to be so much fun!"

I sighed. "Well, what's the first step?"

Alice leaned forward across the table. "You have got to stay in control. Do not let Edward crack you. That's going to be his first tactic."

"Yea, Emmett calls it something stupid like dazing…"

"Dazzlement," Alice corrected. "And it's not stupid—it's very lethal. If I had enough time I'd teach you both just to get them back. But we just have to win right now."

I shook my head, clearing my thoughts. "So what's the first step?" I asked impatiently.

Alice and Rosalie looked at each other and grinned. "Operation Blue Balls," they said in unison.

"Do I even want to know how you both knew that was the first step?"

Rosalie clicked her tongue. "Silly little Bella. You've got to make him yearn for what he can't have. That's how you win. Let him glide along until he thinks he's won and then…snap! You pull back and he's left with Mr. Right Hand."

I sighed heavily. "You guys, I don't know if this is such a good idea…"

"Isabella Marie Swan, you will not argue. You asked for our help! Besides, when have I ever steered you wrong?" Alice questioned.

"Do you remember when you tried to make me play hard to get and set me up on a blind date with Mike Newton? I'm still scrubbing my tongue after he tried to French kiss me!"

"Okay, I made one…" she coughed "major…mistake. But it hasn't happened since. And you _did _get Edward's attention, am I right?"

I closed my eyes.

"Am I right?" she repeated.

"Yes, Alice, you were right! You're always right, okay? I'll do this stupid Operation Black Bags or whatever."

"Blue Balls," Rosalie corrected. "And oh what fun it's going to be." A wicked grin seeped across her face and I knew I was in for it. And if I was in for it, Edward was definitely in for it, too.

********

[ Edward ]

I was so grateful when I heard a knock at the front door. I opened it to see Emmett and Jasper. Emmett had a goofy grin on his face and Jasper looked nervous. I ushered them in, grabbed a few bottles of water and settled in on the couch, my new bedroom.

Emmett leaned back, resting his hands behind his head and putting his feet up on the coffee table. "Nice crib you got here, Edward. It's like a man's castle! Why would you want to go back to bed with Bella?"

"So why don't you give up your bed with Rosalie and stay on your couch?"

"Oh yeah, that's not a good idea."

"So, how am I going to fix this?" I asked sullenly.

"I have a few ideas—things that have helped me get back on Rosalie's good side."

Jasper cringed. "Dude, don't wanna hear it. That's my sister you're talking about."

"Jasper, my man, calm down!" he placed his hand up in front of Jasper's face. "You have such a dirty mind. What has my sister done to you? You used to be so…innocent."

Jasper rolled his eyes. "You don't want to know what your sister has done to me."

I shuddered. "Ok, less Alice and more fixing the problem at hand."

Emmett rubbed his hands together, a grin creeping across his face. "What about a reenactment of a legendary Saturday Night Live skit?"

"Which one?" I asked.

"'Dick in a Box,' of course! It's timeless. It doesn't have to be Christmas to give your lady a gift! Why not give her the best gift there is to give?"

I stupidly found myself being attracted to the idea, when luckily Jasper jumped in.

"No, Emmett. It would only work if you did it because you're stupid. Think about Bella here, not Rosalie. Geez." I thought I heard him mutter the word 'buffoon' or maybe it was 'baboon.' Either way, it was funny.

"Ok, what else?" I asked.

"You could buy her a pony?" Emmett questioned, unsure of how I would react to his idea.

"I think Emmett was on to something the first time," Jasper stated.

"Excuse me? 'Dick in a Box?' Did we hear the same idea?" I asked.

Jasper chuckled. "Well, that part was bad. But the overall idea in itself wasn't so bad. What if you were to serenade her?"

A light bulb went off in my head. "Jasper, you are a genius!"

"Hey, it was my idea…kind of," Emmett pouted.

I patted him on the shoulder. "Thanks! I know just how to fix this now!"

They smiled triumphantly. "Well, best of luck little brother," Emmett said while putting his coat back on.

We were heading to the door when I heard the fiddling of keys and saw the door handle turn. _Oh shit, Bella is back. How long had we been discussing my plan?_

When she opened the door, I heard Jasper let out a low whistle and heard him mutter 'shit.'

Emmett turned to me and frowned. "I'm sorry, bro, you're toast."

I looked back at Bella again. She was wearing a sundress that was obviously meant to be worn over a bathing suit. But she wasn't wearing a bathing suit. So the small light blue terry-clothed mini dress with the halter top strings wasn't leaving much to the imagination.

She looked over at me coyly, then turned and acknowledged Emmett and Jasper. "Hello, boys."

Emmett began fumbling with his keys in his hands as Jasper began looking intently at his phone. They both ran out of the house after smiling and nodding at Bella. I heard Emmett's Jeep screech away.

"Hello, Edward," she said softly.

I swallowed hard. I should have known better. I should have been prepared for this. Bella wasn't mad at me anymore—she was missing me! My mind began to wander to the idea of make-up sex, which Emmett had assured me was the best kind. I began picturing Bella against the wall, on the kitchen table, up the stairs, and into our bed. There would be no need for serenading or apologizing. No, I had my angel back.

Or so I thought.

********

**A/N: I could write tons and tons more for this chapter, but I wanted to resign myself so that I could at least give you this installment. Was it okay? Was it comical? What do you think is gonna happen? What do you want to happen?**

**As noted in my top author's note, the answer to the question 'How are the characters related?**

**A: I hadn't decided if I was going to bring it up later, so I'll give you the basic idea now. Emmett, Edward, and Alice are all siblings. Of course, Rosalie and Jasper are siblings as well, as usual. Bella first became friends with Alice, which is how she met everyone else. If more details come out later, then we'll see just how she and Edward became involved.**

**Thanks for the reviews and for reading. I know not some of you are reviewers, and I told myself I wasn't going to ever beg for them—but just know that it does help the writing process, and makes it more enjoyable when I see that we both liked the same parts.**


	3. Operation Blue Balls

Disclaimer: Sometimes I can't come up with something witty to say, so I guess I'll just come out and say it: I don't own Twilight, or any of the gloriousness that comes along with all that Steph-jazz. Or anything else I might mention or quote (such as songs, tv shows, etc).

**SMUT-ALERT: Remember Operation Blue Balls? If you don't wanna read the dirty-tails, skip this chapter. Although the rest of it won't make sense. Just a warning. *shrugs* sorry!**

**A/N: Loving the response so far and glad you are enjoying it as much as I am!! I also love the suggestions I have gotten so far. I wanted to mention that, although some of my other stories have turmoil and angst-eque in them, this one is light-hearted and fun, so please don't worry about them breaking up for good. It's all fun and games. That being said--relax and read chapter 3!**

**Dedication: um, if you guys don't know ****hammondgirl****, I suggest you read her stuff. She's brilliant. And awesome, and she is ridiculously helpful to me, and a darn good friend. I heart you bunches! *blvfp* (go read her stuff people!)**

[ Chapter Three ] The Right Side of Wrong

[Bella]

I took a deep breath. _I could do this. I could be sexy. I could be irresistible. _

I opened the door to my house to find Emmett, Jasper, and Edward all waiting in the hallway. I heard a whistle, which made my cheeks begin to turn pink. I pushed it back, remembering 'the mission.'

I turned to Emmett and Jasper. "Hello, boys," I tried to say in my best sexy voice. It must have worked because the both of them became fumbling fools and ran out of the house towards Emmett's Jeep. I heard Emmett swearing as he fought to get his key in the door.

I turned to Edward, my nerves coming back. "Hello, Edward."

He stood there, speechless for a moment, until his brain kicked him back to the scene at hand. "Bella," he smiled.

I tried to lean against the wall like Alice had shown me, my hip cocked outward, leaving my body and curves on display. I felt the short dress begin to creep up my thigh but fought the urge to pull on it. Edward's eyes immediately went there, and I saw his tongue trace his lower lip.

"Did you have a good time this afternoon with the boys?" I asked coyly.

"Oh…um, yeah. They just came by to…play video games."

Of course I didn't believe that. We all knew that they were helping Edward try to win his place back in the bed. But I thought I'd let him have his fun playing games, too. I smirked at him. "And did you…dominate…them?"

He swallowed, looking down at his hands before making eye contact with me again. "I guess…you could say that."

"Well, I'm sure you never let them get…on top of you…right?"

He began to fidget. This was almost too easy.

"Uh, of course not! Never!"

I walked over to him; his eyes trailed me the entire time.

"Bella, I want to ap---"

I placed a finger over his lips and shook my head. "No need for those words right now, Edward."

He gulped, and I had to fight back a laugh. I had him right where I wanted.

********

[ Edward ]

_This was the jackpot!_ Not only were Bella and I about to make-up, she was playing dirty. I already had a raging hard-on for her the moment she walked in wearing that…towel/dress. It was perfectly teasing me, covering only the littlest places, but somehow all the places I wanted to see and touch the most.

She pressed her body against mine, and I swear I felt her hand brush across my erection. I let out a breath I didn't even realize I had been holding.

I saw her smirk, again, and it was almost enough to throw me over the edge. The scent of whatever perfume she was wearing was clogging my consciousness, and I felt myself falling into a pit of ecstasy, and I really wanted to stay there…with Bella.

My fingers reached out to touch the terry cloth of the dress. My hand began to wander up her side, and she let out a breath against my lips.

"Edward," she said softly.

I leaned in and took her bottom lip in my mouth, pulling and sucking gently. Her hand brushed against me again, bringing one of her legs between mine, rubbing ever so suggestively. I couldn't help but moan---I couldn't remember the last time we had been this close.

I leaned into her body, meeting her leg as it brushed against my groin, creating a delicious friction. I was throbbing to the point of aching, burning. "Love," I begged, a strangled moan escaping my lips, betraying my utmost desires.

Her hands wove into the tips of my now short hair, scratching gently. My heart was beating faster than it ever had before. It felt like my zipper was about to explode if I didn't get release soon, and I involuntarily let my hips grind against her. Her knee came brushing swiftly between my legs again, and I bit my lower lip. My hand had unconsciously begun to slide under her dress.

She let out a small whimper and it was at that moment I completely lost it. I was done. And it still ached. I felt myself tense and release. It had been so long since we had even been close to each other—I was out of town on business for a week and then she was visiting her Dad for a few days, and then I went and listened to Emmett.

So even touching her, smelling her, was enough to send me over the edge. I hoped she hadn't noticed my quick-draw.

Of course she did—that vixen knew exactly what she was up to.

She pulled away from me, breathing heavy in my ear, a smirk playing on her plump lips. "Edward?"

I nodded, panting and swallowing as much air as I could. "Yes?"

"Since you're finished, I'm kind of tired. I think I'm going to go take a nap now. I'll see you later." With one last pat of her hand to my crotch, she smirked and skipped up the stairs to the bedroom.

"Damn," I murmured to myself. _She got me again._

********

[ Bella ]

I smiled to myself, awfully proud as I went up to my bedroom and shut the door. I changed into shorts and a tank top, lying down on the bed, letting the fan cool off my now sweating body. I texted the girls:

_Houston(s), we have Blue Balls!_

I didn't think I would be able to go through with it. Especially once Edward started breathing heavy and grinding against me. It was almost too much for me to handle—I was ready to call 'Game Over' and let him come back to bed. But then I remembered that he needed to learn a lesson. The biggest lesson of all for him to learn was not to take bets from Emmett. But I wanted him to suffer for the hair, too. Not that his new cut looked completely hideous, but now what was I supposed to pull in bed?

_Fuck,_ I groaned as I remembered having sex with Edward before he left on his business trip. He was so free and so sexy. It was the last time I would get to pull on those bronze locks for a while now.

I sighed, sitting up. Now I was the one who was sexually frustrated.

I looked over at Edward's side of the bed and ran my hand softly against the comforter. I leaned over and smelled his pillow—his scent was still there. I was only making this worse on myself. I peeled my tank top off of me, thinking a shower would do me a world of good. As I stood up to take off my shorts, I ran my hands down my stomach. I closed my eyes as a small wave of pleasure ran through me. I looked back to the door, narrowed me eyes at it, and began to think. _Would it count as a point for me or a point for Edward if I finished what I started?_

I decided I didn't care—I was worked up and it was hot in here. No shower in the world was going to settle me down. I quickly peeled off my shorts and lay down on the bed, on Edward's side, soaking his scent in as it hit my nose. I closed my eyes, imagining him here with me. I ran my hands down my chest and across my stomach again, letting a low hum escape my lips. I worked my thumbs against my hip bones, rubbing small circles. I wriggled a little, and another wave of eau de Edward came crashing against me.

My fingers caressed my thighs, creeping inward to the place they wanted the most. I brushed my underwear aside and began running my finger across the delicate skin. My body shuddered involuntarily.

"Edward," I moaned quietly.

I wasted no more time teasing myself, anxious for a release. I plunged my finger deep inside me, my hips bucking at the response and feel. I felt my breathing increase as I began a steady rhythm. In my mind, Edward was on me, breathing his warm breath against my body as he continued my own ministrations.

I went faster, adding a second finger. My body began to tighten, and I pushed harder. My eyes, already closed, still rolled back. I could feel my hair sticking to my neck as beads of sweat broke out all over me.

I let out a louder moan, with a strain of incoherent words. I curled my fingers, desperately searching the spot that would end this torture. "Edward, please," I begged.

My toes curled under, digging into the bed. My hips shifted up, seeking the weight of a man who wasn't there. As I moved again, I could smell him—and it was then that I let go. I exhaled a moan sharply as my lungs began to feast on the clean air. My body snapped, and then I relaxed. I collapsed back onto the bed and counted my breaths, afraid to open my eyes.

Afraid that it was all a dream.

Afraid that I'd cave and call Edward back.

I laid there for another minute with a smile on my face before I opened my eyes. I sat up, realizing that it was true—the bet still happened, and Edward was almost bald still. And I had just masturbated because for some reason I thought it was a good idea to deny Edward sex.

"Well, shit, shit, fuck," I muttered as I got up and began to run the shower. I felt gross for what I was doing—playing a stupid game.

I heard my phone beep and I looked at it, a text from Rosalie:

_That's my girl, Bells! You're doing a great job._

She also sent a picture message of her and Alice with thumbs up. I smiled. My best friends were the best.

"On with the show," I said to myself as I stepped into the shower. I couldn't help but smile. Even when Edward came back to bed, it'd drive him crazy when I told him what I did.

********

[ Edward ] (happening the same time that Bella is upstairs)

My head snapped up from the chair as I sat at the computer desk in the living room. _What was she doing up there?_

I heard my name, and at first had assumed she was on the phone recounting the story of my...inadequate show…to the girls. That was mortifying, to know they would soon find out I couldn't keep it together.

But when she said my name the second time, I knew she wasn't on the phone. I knew exactly what she was doing—finishing up what I didn't.

"How long does it take for hair to grow back," I murmured to myself, wondering if men got extensions or if that was just a girl thing.

I sat down on the couch, trying to ignore the sounds from upstairs, and the visions in my head. I tried to focus on the song I wanted to sing/play for Bella. I began listing ideas in my head.

_Shit, this will never work._ I couldn't hide the bulge that now threatened another…quick-draw. I sighed and went into the spare bedroom, where Bella had dumped a bunch of my clothes. I threw on some running shorts and a t-shirt. I tied my sneakers and grabbed my iPod. I took off down the driveway and just ran. I focused on regulating my breathing instead of picturing Bella, naked in our bed, touching, moaning…

I shook my head. This wasn't helping. I slipped my iPod on shuffle. I shuffled through the first few songs: John Mayer, James Taylor, Gavin DeGraw, and Coldplay. _Too pansy,_ I thought to myself.

I started running as Maroon 5's "Can't Stop" came on, figuring it was the best out of five that I was going to get for now. The beat helped me keep up a steady pace, and the lyrics kept me mildly entertained.

Soon I realized I had looped back to the house and jogged up the driveway. I stopped outside the door and stretched before going inside. I walked into the kitchen, opened the fridge door, and grabbed a bottle of water. I stood there and chugged it, wiping my face and neck with a clean hand towel. The run had made me feel much more relaxed and focused, and I felt like I could really get back to work on how I was going to win my bed back.

I chuckled to myself, but stiffened when I heard her.

"What's so funny, Edward?" she asked innocently.

I knew if I turned around, I was going to be in a whole heap of trouble. I told myself to stay strong and be a man. _You're Edward Cullen._

I turned around anyway, and had to fight back a low groan when I saw her.

She must have recently gotten out of the shower. She was wearing track shorts and a white tank top. Her hair was wet, causing little droplets of water to speckle her tank top. The sports bra she had on underneath was tight enough to create cleavage. _Damn that bra_, I thought as she waited for my answer.

I felt myself start to go hard. _No, No. Think, man! Emmett in a Speedo, Dad kissing Mom…Grandma Swan's dentures…_

I smiled. "Oh, nothing you'd be interested in."

She leaned against the doorframe, crossing her arms and pushing up that glorious cleavage. "Try me."

I saw an opportunity. It was far out of reach from the serenade that Jasper and Emmett had suggested, but I was ready for paybacks rather than getting my bed back at this second.

"Well, I was just thinking about that weekend my parents took us to that ski resort in North Bend, and you fell trying to get on the lift." I chucked at that memory, too. We hadn't even made it to the bunny slope.

Her eyebrows furrowed together. "There was a patch of ice and you know it."

"Of course," I said as I walked over to her and placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

"I twisted my ankle, Edward! That's hardly grounds for laughing."

"I know. But you know what was even better?"

She scowled. "What? That Emmett caught the whole thing on video and still has it posted on YouTube?"

"No, I didn't know that—I'll have to check that out. No, love, what I'm talking about is after you fell, and I carried you back into the lodge, and _nursed_ you back to health," I trailed suggestively, letting her fill in the blanks from our ski sexcapade.

She blushed some, so I knew she remembered. "Oh, yes, that was definitely better—especially when you peeled off my snowsuit and my clothing, one piece at a time."

I was hard again, pressing against her body, and she knew it.

"And even better than that, Edward…"

"What could be better?" I stupidly asked.

She trailed her finger down my chest, stopping at the waistband of my shorts. She looked up at me for a second before sliding her hand dangerously slow. "When we had sex…" she elaborated every word as her hand came into contact with my erection. She ran her hand down firmly. "… on that bear skin rug on the floor." She pumped me once, and out of anxiousness again, I came.

She pulled her hand back out, and licked her forefinger, taking it in her mouth. "Mmm…now that's what I call fast food." She smirked again and headed towards the door. "I'm going to the gym with the girls. See you later, Edward."

And with that, she was out the door.

I had to up the ante now. If Bella wanted to play dirty, she was going to get it.

********

"Wait, slow down—what happened?" Jasper asked.

I threw my hands up in the air. "I told you—you guys left, and she teased the shit out of me in that dress."

"That hardly warrants your frustration, Edward."

"Did you sing her the song?" Emmett asked.

I shook my head.

"So, what's the big deal? She turned you on in the dress. It had to be worse than that. Rose was giggling about something on her phone."

I groaned. "I sort of…came early."

Emmett scrunched his face. "How early?"

"Well…real early."

"Okay, so did she just lay there or what?"

I blushed. "We didn't have sex, Emmett."

"Okay, I'm lost…"

"I came in my pants, alright!" I covered my face with my hands. "Twice," I mumbled, hoping they wouldn't hear.

"What did you say?" Jasper asked.

_Damn you, Jasper._

I looked up. "I said twice."

Emmett started chuckling, until Jasper sent him a warning glare.

"Go ahead, laugh it up. I'm sure Alice and Rosalie are having a ball with this one."

"Dude, you know there's a perfect song for this."

"Emmett, I don't want another song choice after you suggested 'Dick in a Box' okay?"

"You're the one who jizzed in your pants twice and you're criticizing my song choice?"

"Fine, let's hear it," Jasper said, knowing we weren't going to win.

Emmett stood up and a huge smile crept on his face as he began to sing. "I jizz right in my pants every time you're next to me, and when we're holding hands its like having sex to me. You say I'm premature I just call it—"

"STOP!" I said, throwing my hand over his mouth to shut him up.

He threw his hands up in the 'what did I do?' gesture.

I looked over at Jasper, who was clutching his side.

"I will not be made into a stupid joke, Emmett! That girl is dangerous, and she knew EXACTLY what she was doing."

"I wasn't making fun, little brother. Okay, maybe I was, but you walked right into that one."

I looked at him. "Are you on the couch yet?"

"No."

"Well if you wanna keep it that way, you'll help me fix this."

"What if you try to blue ball Bella?" Jasper asked.

"I already tried that. After I had my first…well, you know…I was lying on the couch when I heard her upstairs. I thought she was on the phone but then I realized, she wasn't."

"Okay…" Jasper said, trying to follow.

"She was…fixing her problem."

Emmett's eyes bugged out. "Bella was beating it? While you were downstairs? Oh, she is good!"

I rolled my eyes. "Anyway, so I went for a run, and when she came back, I tried to turn the table on her, but she must have figured out what I was doing because she started bringing up old stuff, and then…it was over."

Emmett nodded. "That's definitely a Rosalie tactic. Devil-women."

"Did you get anything from Alice?" I asked Jasper hopefully.

He shook his head. "Nope, she's like a fortress on this one—and she told me if I kept bothering her about it that I was going to be sleeping on the couch for a lot longer than you were. I can't risk that, man."

I nodded. "I understand. Well, if she says anything at all…"

"I'll let you know."

I turned to Emmett. "Has Rosalie said anything to you?"

"If there is one thing that I have learned through all of my years with Rose, it's that you don't mess with her when she's up to scheming. If I ask her, I'll be sleeping on the lawn!"

"Guys, I need help! Emmett, you owe me—you need to go out on a limb here."

He sighed. "Do you still have that 50 bucks I gave you?"

"Yes."

"I think we're going to need it."

********

[ Bella ]

"It worked! Yay!" Alice squealed.

I laughed at her excitement.

"Did he beg? Did he get pissed off?" Rosalie asked from her elliptical machine.

I slowed the treadmill down a little so I could talk and workout at the same time.

"At first I think he was too stunned. But then he begged a little."

"What about when you left him high and dry?" she poked.

"Well, see…"

Alice narrowed her eyes at me. "You gave in didn't you? You had sex with him!" she yelled.

"Alice!" I hissed. Other people in the gym looked over, wondering what we were talking about.

"Sorry. But, Bella, that wasn't part of the punishment!"

"We didn't have sex. He just happened to finish quickly."

Rosalie laughed. "Oh now this is liquid gold."

"Please don't mention it to him, or tell him that I told you. He'd be so mortified."

"So, did you fake an O?" Rosalie pressed.

I shook my head. "He finished in his pants."

Alice's eyes bugged out. "Okay that's my brother, and I know I should be grossed out. But this is too damn funny!"

"Oh, no, I just know Emmett's gonna sing that 'jizz in my pants' song when he finds out. He's been watching that on SNL non-stop. Poor Edward. I actually feel sorry for him."

"Well, anyway, I won that round. Edward's still not back in bed. So you should be proud of me."

"Oh, we are. But now we have to plan what's next. We can't let him catch us without a plan, or the next thing we know, he's sleeping like a baby again, happier than a clam."

"How long are we going to drag this out?" I asked.

Alice laughed. "Bella, aren't you still mad at Emmett?"

"Of course I am!"

"Then we need to plan the next move."

"But it's easy for you two because you get to go home and sleep with your men. Edward was gone for a week, then I was gone for a weekend, and now I'm mad at him. I kind of want him back soon."

Rosalie put her hand on my arm. "Bella, if it makes you feel better, I'll kick Emmett out."

"Really? You'd do that for me?"

"Well, no. But he deserves it. When I came home from coffee, he had wrapped himself up like a present and sang 'Dick in a Box,' and if that wasn't enough, he was bragging about how Edward was going to win you back by singing you some song. So, I figure, the least I can do is make him suffer, too."

Alice's eyes went wide. "Oh, that's it!"

"What? What is it?" Rosalie asked, curious.

Alice smirked. "Something so bad that it's awfully good."

********

**A/N: Okay, so I recognize that I left you guys with no clue as to what the next chapter's going to be about. I'm sorry. But you did want some smut, didn't you? I thought that Operation Blue Balls deserved a chapter of its own. Plus, I just wanted to give you guys this chapter so you didn't have to wait longer. I'm enjoying the responses and the suggestions, and still want more of both! **


	4. I Love Lucy

Disclaimer: I could sit here and pretend to own Twilight and all its gloriousness, but in the end I still would have nothing. So, yeah, I don't own that or anything else I might mention here.

**A/N: Well, you loved Chapter three, and I can't say I'm not happy about that! It was fun to write and even more fun to wait to hear what you thought! Although some of you are concerned about Bella, don't worry: she knows exactly what she's doing. Hang in there, okay? Thanks!**

**NEWS: I have a beta! My BFF has a f-fic account now, so give a warm welcome for Little Miss Masen! Love you!!**

**Shameless plug: doesn't this sound good? **

Bella Swan led a largely solitary life after losing the only people she ever considered family at age thirteen. When she relocates to the tiny town of Forks, will she fall further into her angst or grow out of it? Canon pairings, AH/AU.

**Trust me, it is! It's Let Love In, by my homegirl AHelm (see I didn't forget you lovely!), and she's nothing short of talented. So, after you read mine and send me a little reviewsky, hop on over to her page (hint: I've made it easy, she's on my favorite author's page!), read her stuff (she's got other great stuff to choose from as well), and drop her a review, too! Double bonus points if you tell her I sent you ;)**

[Chapter Four] The Right Side of Wrong

[ Edward ]

"Even I have to admit, that does sound like a good idea," Jasper commented, curling a strand of hair with his finger, lost in thought.

"It is a good idea, I'll give you that one, Emmett. But I'm not sure if it's really…Bella, you know?"

He nodded with a grin on his face—we had just validated one of his ideas on the spot. "I know, but girls just eat that shit up! I mean, it works on Rosalie!"

"Flowers and candy? I thought that stuff was just all made up," I said.

Jasper laughed. "It's not about flowers and candy, Edward. It's about the RIGHT flowers and the RIGHT candy. The idea is somewhat cheesy, but if you get the right stuff, you'll be sleeping under your covers in no time."

I nodded. "Well, I can't come up with anything better except to write her a song. But even I'll be the first one to admit that is cliché."

Emmett stood up, clapping his hands together. "Well, gentlemen, what are we waiting for? Come on, I know a great little place down the road a bit."

As we got out to the driveway, Jasper flashed his keys. "I'll drive."

We climbed into his black pick-up truck as Emmett spouted off directions to the flower shop.

A bell chimed when we walked in. Immediately, I knew why Emmett came to this place. Dozens of types of flowers lined the walls in vases and other containers. The smell was overpowering, but there was surely to be something in here that Bella would like.

A small woman came out from the back, peeling off yellow garden gloves and pushing her strawberry blonde hair away from her face. She smiled when she saw Emmett. "Emmett Cullen! Back so soon? What did you do to poor Rosalie this time?" she teased.

Jasper chuckled, and Emmett elbowed him in the side.

Emmett turned to the woman. "Ah, Luce, I can proudly say I am not in the doghouse this time!" He slapped my back, sending me flying forward a few steps. "Lucy, this is my brother Edward, and this is Jasper, Rosalie's brother." He pointed at Jasper. "Guys, this is Lucy—she's helped me avoid the couch for three years now."

She smiled brightly, her hazel eyes sparkling. "I just do what I can to keep you two together," she laughed, and turned to Jasper. "It's nice to meet you. Your sister is one…patient…lady."

Jasper laughed. "Oh, Lucy, if only you knew." He began to peruse the store, reading the tags with each flower, learning their meanings.

She turned to me. "So, what did you do?"

I sighed. "I cut my hair? I mean, I think that's why she's mad at me."

She laughed. "Your hair?"

Emmett whipped out his phone to show Lucy an old picture of me. She gasped.

"Wow, you did have some hair. I guess…she would be upset?"

"Her name's Bella, Lucy, and she's a character! You'd love her! Anyway, Edward here has been banished from the bed—do you think you can help us get him back in?"

She clapped her hands together. "Well, I do enjoy a challenge. Edward, tell me a little about Bella and we'll see what we can come up with."

I explained to her all the qualities I loved about Bella. "Well, she's kind, funny, smart, beautiful…"

"…clumsy, amusing, and a great cook!" Emmett added.

Lucy smiled a genuine smile. "I think I know exactly what she'd like." She walked over to a pot and began pulling a few out. "Orchids mean delicate beauty—you'll want some of those." She reached over and pulled out another flower, holding it up to show me. "The Pansy represents loving thoughts, so you'll definitely need some of those. Some white Tulips, for forgiveness, and some Hyacinth for sincerity." By the time she was done, there was a beautiful arrangement in her hands. "Is this okay?"

I nodded profusely. "It's perfect."

Emmett did a victory fist pump. "Luce, you have done it again!"

She rolled her eyes, tying a white piece of lace around the stems and wrapping them in plastic. "Anything else?"

Emmett nodded. "We're gonna need some candy and maybe an animal."

I looked at him. "Do we really need all that?"

"Man, you are on the couch!"

I sighed and looked to Lucy. "Help?" I whined meekly.

She chuckled and held up two stuffed animals, a bear and a lion. "Ok, which one?"

"The lion," I pointed. "Bears are just so…cliché."

"I like bears," Emmett whined.

"Fine, then we'll give her gummy bears, and those can be your apology," I sighed.

Emmett smiled. "Thanks, bro, you're the best!"

Lucy packaged it all together and then smiled. "Sorry to break your wallet, Edward, but it's going to be $47.93."

I laughed as I handed her the $50 bill from my bet with Emmett. "Don't worry, it's on him."

********

[ Bella ]

The gym had made me feel somewhat better, but also somewhat uneasy. Alice's "evil plan" just seemed to be taking it too far. I wasn't sure I was even mad at Edward anymore. I pushed the thoughts from my head, telling myself I'd worry about it all later.

I turned off the car and headed into the house. I kicked off my sneakers on the porch, stepping into a quiet house. I threw my keys in the dish on the table and dumped my bag on the floor. I walked through the kitchen and into the living room. I was about to call for Edward when I heard a light snore coming from the couch.

I peeked over from the back to find him, passed out, mouth hanging open. I looked over to the coffee table, where a beautiful arrangement of flowers was sitting, complete with a stuffed animal and a box of candy. Edward's hand was on the table, holding onto the stuffed animal as if he was a little child all over again.

I smiled at the sweetness of his innocence, and felt a twinge of guilt for all the crap I had put him through. As he let out another snore, I tried to hold back a laugh. His hair, although much shorter, still held the resemblance of disarray, something I'm afraid he would never escape.

I leaned over and kissed his forehead softly, running my hand through his hair. Even though it had only been a few days, it already looked like it was beginning to grow out some. Or maybe that's because I didn't get a good look at it before in came my 'Hurricane Bella' rage blackout.

He stirred, letting out a groan. I knew the couch couldn't be that comfortable for him—_why wasn't he sleeping in the guest room? Was he trying to make me feel guilty?_

Well it was certainly working. I couldn't stop staring at him—even though he was being stupid by listening to Emmett, I still desperately loved him. I hoped he knew that.

His eyes opened and he looked up at me, shocked to find me there. "Bella?"

His voice was thick with sleep. I nodded. "I'm sorry I woke you."

He shook his head, sitting up. "No it's okay…oh," he said sadly as he looked at the flowers. He hopped up off the couch and handed them to me. "This was supposed to be a surprise. But here—the flowers and animal are from me; the candy's from Emmett. We're sorry."

My heart melted a tiny bit. It was so cute how they were willing to buy my affections. I looked up at him with my eyebrow raised. "We?"

"Well, Emmett knows if he hadn't made the stupid bet, I wouldn't have done it…so, yes. We."

I looked at the flowers. "These are nice…"

He smiled. "The orchids are for beauty, Pansies for loving thoughts, Hyacinth for sincerity, and White Tulips for forgiveness." He left the last part of his sentence hanging as if a question.

"Did you look all this up?" I questioned.

"Well, Lucy helped a lot…"

My ears perked up. "And who exactly is Lucy?"

"She's Emmett's flower lady."

"Emmett has a flower lady?"

"Yes, she always helps Emmett get out of the dog house with Rosalie."

I felt anger rising up in me. "So, you borrowed Emmett's flower lady to try to win me over, is that what I'm hearing?"

"Bella, it's not like that…"

"Does Rosalie know about Lucy?"

He ran his hand over the back of his neck, looking down at the floor. He exhaled. "No, I don't think so…not exactly."

I pushed the flowers back at him and put my hand on my hip. "While this was a nice gesture, I'm going to have to decline, Edward. I don't need to be rescued by Emmett's flower lady." I shouldn't have been as upset as I was, but I wasn't sure how friendly Emmett was with Lucy, and it made me nervous.

"Bella, please, these are for you…"

I shook my head. "No. I can't do this right now."

"How long are you going to let this go on?" He asked, agitated.

I threw my hands in the air. "I don't know, I'll tell you when I figure that out!" I raced up the stairs and grabbed the phone off the dresser. I quickly dialed Rosalie.

She picked up on the third ring. "Rose's House of Revenge, how can I help you?"

"Do you know about Lucy?" I asked.

"Um…who is Lucy?" she asked.

"Oh, just Emmett's flower lady…" I said nonchalantly.

"What the fuck is a flower lady?"

"That's exactly what I'd like to know! Edward says she helps him get out of trouble when he pisses you off…"

Rose groaned. "That asshole…"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get Emmett in trouble, I was just concerned—"

"Bella, do not apologize. I will handle this. You just stay strong, and stick to the plan."

I sighed. "I don't want to fight anymore."

"No, Bella. They have a flower woman to get them out of binds! Who knows what else she does for them!"

I sighed. "I'm going to take a bath and relax. I'll call you later."

"Alright, stay strong. I'm going to go kick Emmett's ass."

I chuckled. "Okay, bye." I hung up the phone and began running water in the bathtub. A long soak would be just what I needed.

********

[ Edward ]

Bella didn't come downstairs at all after that, not even for dinner. I was beginning to worry, but I was too scared to go see what was going on. She had been so moody lately.

I lay on the couch, hands behind my head. It had to have been at least eleven, and the room was dark. I sat there, thinking about what could have made Bella so angry, when I heard a knock on the door.

I walked over and opened it to find Emmett.

"What happened to you?" I asked. He was in his boxers and a white t-shirt.

"Rose kicked me out."

"What?"

"Apparently, she found out about Lucy, and wasn't happy. I think she thinks that I'm having an affair. So she told me to find somewhere else to sleep. And here I am. I'm not going to Jaspers, he doesn't understand—Alice never kicks him out. Besides, we're in this together, brother."

I nodded and opened the door wider. "Come on in. You can stay in the guest room."

Emmett shuffled in. "I don't know how she found out. Lucy would never tell Rosalie."

"Oh, I think I have a pretty good idea of who the tattler was." I pointed upstairs towards my…former…bedroom.

"Did she like the flowers at least?"

"Nope, she wouldn't take them."

Emmett frowned, then picked up the box of gummy bears, opened it, and popped a few in his mouth. "Well, tomorrow we'll just have to try again."

I ran my hand over my head and across my eyes. "I don't want to _try again_, Emmett. I want Bella back, and I want my bed back. I want this to be over. I'll grovel, I'll cry, I'll pay her money."

"Money? That's prostitution."

"Figuratively, Em. Come on, I'm not that stupid."

"Tomorrow we are going to have to call in the big leagues."

I shook my head. "No. No more of your flower ladies, or whatever you have on your speed dial. I'm done, Emmett."

"Just sleep on it, little bro. I've got a game plan. Just trust me on this one."

I tossed the stuffed lion at him. "Go to bed."

He waved and headed off towards the guest room. I grabbed my cell phone and decided it was time I took measures into my own hand. I sent a text to Bella:

_I'm sorry for it all. I love you. Let's make this work._

She'd get that in the morning and things would be great. No dazzlement, no song, no flowers, and nothing else Emmett dreamed up. By this time tomorrow night, I'd be back in my bed.

********

[ Bella ]

I woke up to my cell phone beeping. _Crap, I didn't put it on the charger last night._ It was blinking one message, but as soon as I went to read it, it died. I plugged it into the wall charger, not bothering to turn it on. I threw my robe around me and headed downstairs to get some breakfast.

As I came to the foot of the stairs, I noticed Edward was still asleep on the couch. I headed into the kitchen and let out a tiny scream when I saw someone behind the fridge door, peering through its contents.

Emmett stood up. "Bells, it's okay, it's just me. Calm down. I'm sorry I scared you!"

I narrowed my eyes. "What are you doing here so early, Emmett?"

"I slept over last night. Rose kicked me out."

I tried to hold back my laughter. _Note to self: thank Rose later._

"So you thought it would be a good idea to come here?"

"Well, I didn't have my wallet on me and I had no place to go, so yea."

"You should have called Lucy," I sneered.

He threw his hands up in the air. "She picks out my flowers, okay? I can't make a damn arrangement on my own! I am not fucking the flower lady! Gosh, what is it with you women?"

"You pimped her out to help Edward get back in the bed—a plan, which, by the way, is entirely your fault! You talked him into cutting his hair. What were you thinking? Oh wait, I bet you weren't."

He slammed the carton of orange juice on the counter. "You're really so pissed off about Edward cutting his hair that you're denying him sex and a bed? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?"

He reached for a glass and was about to pour some juice, but I took the glass away from him. "You do not get to come into my relationship with Edward, call me ridiculous, sleep in my guest bedroom when you fucked up, and drink my juice in the morning."

He leaned down, peering into my eyes. "I love you, Bells, but right now you are acting a fool."

"Is that what you said to Rosalie right before she kicked you out? Do you have déjà vu right now? Because you're about to be homeless for a second time."

He reached for the glass I was holding, but I held it behind my back. "Bella, stop being unreasonable and let Edward back in bed! He is miserable without you."

"Stay out of it, or find somewhere else to sleep." I licked the rim of the glass before setting it down on the counter. I knew I was being childish, but I was too pissed off to care.

He shrugged and poured the juice into the glass and took a long pull. "Mmm, even better."

"What's going on in here?" Edward asked sleepily as he stumbled into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes. He did look like shit. His body was contorted from the couch, his hair was sticking out everywhere, and he had purple bags under his eyes.

"Bella here was just offering me some juice," Emmett glowed.

I glared at him and then turned to Edward. "I didn't know I was collecting bad boys this week."

"He showed up last night—what was I supposed to do? He's my brother."

I threw my hands up in the air. "Because it doesn't matter what I think, does it?"

"You were holed up in the bedroom last night! You wouldn't even talk to me!"

"Hey, you two, don't fight—hug it out," Emmett said.

We both looked at him. "Shut up, Emmett!" we said simultaneously.

I scrunched my hands in my hair at the scalp. "Edward, I can't do this. I just can't."

"Can't what? Fight anymore? Because I'm all for that. I'll take full blame right now. I fucked up, I was wrong, I'm---"

I shook my head in frustration. "No, Edward. You don't even realize the bigger picture! THAT is why I am mad! GAH!" I turned around and went to stomp back up the stairs, but turned back around swiftly. "Fix the bedroom door."

"Why should he? It's not his bedroom anymore," Emmett chimed in.

I glared at him. "Don't get comfortable here, Emmett."

With that, I stormed upstairs and slammed the bedroom door, which caused it to fall off on one hinge and hang, not shutting properly. I screamed in frustration again. I picked up my phone and turned it on to call one of the girls, and remembered that I had a text message waiting. I opened it up:

_I'm sorry for it all. I love you. Let's make this work._

"Well don't I feel like a huge ass," I mumbled to myself. I dialed Alice and waited for her to pick up.

"Hello?"

"Jasper?" I asked.

"Hey, Bella. Alice is in the shower."

"Oh, okay…"

"Is there anything I can help you with? Evil schemes you want to share with the opposing team?" He teased.

I laughed. "No, I'll keep those to myself. You must be a good man to still be sleeping in your bed."

He laughed in response. "Well, I try not to get involved too much with the shenanigans. I love Alice, and I love our California King. I do what I can to stay on the good side."

"I see."

"Bella?" he asked softly.

"Yea, Jasper?"

"I know you don't want to hear this or anything, but this whole thing? It's kinda stupid. Edward's sorry. He loves you a lot, you know."

I sighed. "I know, Jasper, and I do appreciate it."

"Okay, you girls just think about that before you go plotting your next evil adventure. If you're just doing this for fun, at least let him know."

"Just have Alice call me when she gets out, okay?"

"I will. See ya later, Bells."

I hung up the phone, now feeling like the worst girlfriend on the face of the earth. _I'd pretty much tormented Edward enough, hadn't I?_ I had to admit though, this was a pretty fun game. I did want to go down in the Cullen record books.

I lingered on Jasper's warning about telling Edward if this was just a game. _I really should stop being such a brat and at least talk to Edward about this…_

My phone rang, interrupting my thoughts. I flipped it open.

"Alice, I---"

"Please tell me Jasper did not just try using his Jedi mind tricks on you?!"

I laughed. "Would you kick him out if I said yes?"

"Maybe…" she said.

"As long as he doesn't show up here at the Cullen home for Lost Boys…" I laughed.

I heard Jasper mumbling something to which Alice said, "If you don't quit it, Jasper, you're going to be packing a bag for the Holiday Inn."

I laughed. Alice came back to me. "Okay, he's out of the room. Now, back to the plan. We are going out tonight around 6, so be ready for me to come over and help you around 3. I'll start sending word around soon, so leave your phone out where you'll hear it, okay?"

"Alice, do you think this is too much?"

She clicked her tongue at me. "Bella, don't let Jasper play on your conscience."

"It's not just him, Emmett told me earlier---"

"Emmett called you?" she asked, shocked.

"No, he slept over last night. Rosalie kicked him out."

Alice started laughing so hard she snorted. "Oh, I am sorry, Bella, but this is too funny. What happened?"

"I don't know—I just woke up this morning and there he was, rummaging through my fridge. It may have had something to do with the fact that I let Rosalie know about a certain flower lady that he uses to help him stay on Rose's good side."

"Flower lady?" she asked.

"Yep—her name is Lucy, and apparently she knows her stuff when it comes to flowers. She did pick out a nice arrangement for me."

"Interesting…I got a nice little arrangement myself yesterday…daisies and baby's breath," she mulled over the details. "Alright, Bella, I will see you at three, I have some business to take care of…"

I laughed. "Should I be scared?"

She giggled. "No, you are safe. But Jasper Hale? He's about to be a dead man."

********

**A/N: Hooray for updates! This chapter might not seem as eventful, but I am only setting up for the next chapter which I think is going to be super fun! Thanks for the reviews—they really make me smile when I'm writing the next chapter! I still love your ideas, too, about what the guys and girls should do! So keep them coming!**


	5. Love Lockdown

**Disclaimer: I was too far behind in my updates to come up with something witty, so instead, I'm going to give you the chapter after a brief author's note! I don't own the characters, or the story—I just run with what's been laid out for me, thanks Stephenie!**

**A/N: Well, I know it's been way too long, and I am sorry. But I did write a one-shot for the Sexy Movie Crossover Contest about Shrek/Twilight! Voting is Feb 6****th**** *hint hint* Did that tide you over a bit? If not, I am sorry! SO without further ramblings of myself, I givest thou….the chapter! (story pimpage at bottom)**

[Chapter Five] The Right Side of Wrong

[Edward]

It was almost a good thing that Emmett got kicked out of his house---_almost_. At least I had someone to carry the heavy door that we bought at Lowe's from the back of his car and up to the second-floor. Unfortunately, a trip to any store is not without Emmett's infamous antics. Now, as we were upstairs attempting to install the door, without any use of directions, he was wearing a hard hat and a tool belt that he 'couldn't work without' while we completed the task.

"Ouch, shit," I muttered as I hit my thumb with the hammer. It was throbbing and I thought it might be best to just cut it off.

Emmett looked over at me, the light from his hardhat blinding me. I threw my hands up to cover my eyes. "Edward, are you crying again?"

"Emmett, are you sleeping at a Motel Six tonight?" I countered. That shut him up---for about three minutes.

"Where is Bella at?" he asked.

I shrugged. "She doesn't tell me much anymore. I think she's out back somewhere."

"Dude, you should take a nap while I fix this door—you look like shit. I'll stand guard."

I couldn't even believe what he was suggesting. "Emmett---you're fucked up in the head, you know that right? I don't have to sneak a nap in my own damn bed!"

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Oh, is that so?"

I puffed out my chest. "Yes. I can sleep in my bed anytime I want to. This is my house!"

He pondered for a second. "Okay, then how come you've spent the last couple of nights sleeping on the couch, hmm?"

I tossed the hammer down on the ground. "Emmett Francis Cullen!"

He threw his hands up in the air. "Come on, man! Do you have to shout that shit around?"

I laughed heartily. "You are still insecure about that?"

"What if Rosalie were here?!" He checked down the stairs and behind his back.

"You still haven't told her your middle name is Francis? And you've been married for three years?"

"It's embarrassing! You know how she is, too! She'll tell Bella and they'll all make fun of me until I die!"

"Well, Alice has never told…" I offered.

"Alice knows I'll squash her!"

"This is ridiculous!"

"You know what's ridiculous? You not going and laying down in your bed—come on man!" He got a wild gleam in his eye. "I dare you, Edward Anthony Cullen."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "No, I learned my lesson from the last dare. You only get me into more trouble."

He pushed the door open, exposing my beloved bedroom to me. "I double-dog dare you."

"Fuck," I muttered—I had never gone back on a double-dog dare before, as stupid as that sounded.

"It only has to be like 30 seconds. You just have to lie down."

I ran my hand over my head, a reminder of my last stupid bet with Emmett. _30 seconds? I could do that and Bella would never know, right?_ "You have to keep watch—I can't have Bella walking in on me."

He smiled, realizing I had given in to him again. "Ah, brother! I am like one of those London solders—ain't no one gonna crack me!"

I took a deep breath. "Ok, start counting."

"Nope. You have to be lying on the bed before I start the count."

I stepped into the room and felt my heart begin to race. _Isn't that supposed to be a sign that I shouldn't be in there?_ I caught sight of my bed, and ran my fingers across the light blue bedspread. I nervously looked back to Emmett, who was waving me forward. I sat down nervously on the bed. I laid back and rested my head against my pillow, taking in the smells of Bella and myself. _Damn, I am home._ I looked over at Emmett. "Start the count."

He looked over his shoulder and began counting out loud. "One, Mississippi, Two, Mississippi…"

I closed my eyes, feeling my body relax into the ultra comfortable king-sized bed. I began feeling like I was drifting off to sleep when I heard two people mumbling.

"Damnit, Emmett, let me in my own room. What the hell is your---OH no you are not!"

I jumped up to see Bella staring down at me with her hand on her hip. I looked over at Emmett, who was apologizing with his eyes.

Bella was pissed, again. "Edward Anthony Cullen, you have some major explaining to do."

I decided to try a different approach. "There's nothing I can say. It is exactly what it looked like. I was lying on the bed. My eyes were closed. I was beginning to fall asleep. And it felt so good, Bella."

If steam could come out of her ears, I bet it would have at that point. "Not that I'm trying to throw a tantrum here or anything, but don't you remember me saying you weren't allowed back in the bed?"

Bella's phone beeped, signaling a message. Emmett raced for it for some unknown reason, and she lunged to try to keep it from him. But Emmett was too big, and pushed her out of the way, flipping it open and reading it. "Is this supposed to be a clue to your next torture experiment?" He asked.

"Em, that is my phone and my messages are private!"

"What does it say?" I asked. Bella whipped her head around and glared at me.

"Well, I'm already banished from the bedroom—I think I can afford to be a little brave here." I shrugged my shoulders.

Emmett looked at the phone, looked at Bella, and then at me. "Can't wait to see you tonight. Wear the red heels. Unknown number."

"What the fuck?!" I looked at Bella. "Who is texting you that?"

She laughed. "My phone, my business."

It vibrated again and Emmett looked at it. "Wear the perfume that drives me crazy."

I felt myself swell up with rage. "Isabella…"

She shook her finger at me. "No, sir, you do NOT get to go there with me. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get ready."

I looked at her. "You better not wear the red heels or that perfume. And what red heels are we talking about here? I've never seen you wear red heels…"

Again, she laughed at me. "Edward, Emmett, thanks for fixing the door. Buh-bye now." With that she pushed me out and shut the door. I heard the lock click and looked over at Emmett.

He shrugged. "Do you think Bella is seeing someone else?"

I laughed. "Hell no. But you know what we have to do now, don't you?"

He got an evil grin on his face. Simultaneously we both answered, "Alice."

********

[ Bella ]

I felt terrible for being a bitch. I really didn't care that Edward was lying in the bed. So much of me wanted to jump on top of him and have hot, sweaty make-up sex. But Emmett was right there, and I had a definite point to make to him—he had the biggest lesson of all to learn: to stop meddling with me and Edward.

I jumped into the shower, washing my hair and shaving my legs. Tonight was the night of Alice's evil, downright dirty plan. And it was already falling into place. I smirked when I thought about Emmett and Edward getting worked up about the unknown text message. It was Alice—all 4'10" of brilliance—she was a big schemer in a little package. And I loved her for every ounce of it.

As I toweled off, I smiled, promising myself that tonight I was going to relax and have fun. I rubbed some lotion on my legs, trying not to get lost in images of Edward lying on the bed earlier. It was starting to be a bigger task than I thought. I let my hand travel up my leg and over my thigh, sweeping dangerously close to my center. I licked my lower lip and was about to indulge myself, when I heard more swearing from downstairs. Another text message must have come through.

Edward had confiscated my phone, pissed off that he couldn't reply to a text from an unknown number. I was sure he'd have tried to call Alice by now—Rose was out of the question as we were still harboring Emmett here as a refugee.

I looked at the clock, and it was 2:45. Alice would be here soon and we could laugh together at all the stupidness the boys were putting themselves through.

I laid out my outfit on the bed, hoping Alice would be proud of my choice—white skinny jeans, a black v-neck top, and the red heels. I heard another swear and let out a laugh. _Yep, tonight was going to be fun._

********

[ Edward ]

"What do you mean, you don't know who's sending the texts?! Mary Alice, you are my baby sister, and I know how to read you—you are up to something evil!" I yelled into the phone.

She pretended to play the sweet and innocent role…still. "Edward, you should really calm down. I'm sure it's nothing. Maybe it's a wrong number; did you ever think of that?"

I huffed. "Of course it isn't a wrong number, Alice! If it were a wrong number, I'd be sleeping in my bed right now!"

She sighed. "Well, there's nothing I can tell you. Except to just calm down. I have to go—I'll be over in a little bit. I'll bring Jasper with me and you all can plot and scheme and whatever it is you three do that never works."

I hung up and looked at Emmett. "Nothing—she's remaining silent!"

"Well, it is her right…" he joked.

I sighed. "Not funny. At least she's brining Jasper. Maybe he can tell us what's going on."

We turned on the TV and became engrossed as _Shrek_ the movie came on. We were laughing and reciting lines and enjoying life when the doorbell rang. I walked to the front door to find Alice jamming her key in the lock.

"Well, if it isn't my mute sister."

She rolled her eyes at me. "Don't start with me, Edward. I have a job to do."

I grabbed her elbow softly. "Do not let her wear the red heels, whatever you do. I don't know what sick and twisted thing is going on, but I'm not playing this game anymore. Don't dress her up just to tease me again."

She looked up at me and pulled her elbow away from me. "Don't you start with me, Edward, or I'll tell mom."

I threw my hands up in the air. Even when I thought I had the upper hand, she somehow managed to come back with a trump.

She pushed past me and headed up the stairs to my bedroom. Jasper trailed in behind me and joined Emmett and me in the living room.

"_Shrek?_ Excellent! I always wanted to be Puss N' Boots."

Emmett raised an eyebrow at Jasper. "You would."

"So, did Alice say anything to you?" I asked, getting straight to the point.

He sighed. "Someone told her about Lucy. And I don't even care who it was, but she almost knocked my lights out. She thought I was using some flower lady to romance her."

Emmett laughed. "At least you're still in your bed. Rose kicked me out."

"How'd you save yourself?" I asked.

"Simple. I know my flowers and I know my Alice. She quizzed me on random flowers, and I passed each one. So she knows I didn't need Lucy to help me pick out flowers."

"Hot damn," Emmett sighed. "Why didn't I think of that?"

"You wouldn't have passed anyway," I joked.

"So, did Alice mention anything about the next evil plan?" Emmett pushed.

Jasper sighed. "I'm not sure exactly what's going on, but I know she's been on the phone a lot this afternoon. And that her, Bella, and Rose are all going out to dinner at some fancy new club called Saucy, or something like that."

"While she's gone, Ed, you can get back in bed!"

"It's not just about the physical bed, Emmett. I want to stop fighting with Bella. I want her back, too."

"I know! Listen to me! When she comes home, you've got candles, wine, soft music, all that romantic mumbo jumbo up in the bedroom and you can get her back!"

I thought for a second, "Not bad, Em."

********

[ Bella ]

I heard a knock on the door and assumed it was Alice. "Come in," I said. I saw her little spiked head peek around the corner and smile when she saw me in a robe.

"Oh, good, you're ready for me."

I held up a finger. "Nothing too dramatic, but just enough to make Edward stir all night."

She smiled. "Oh, I think I can handle that." She picked up a comb and began brushing through my curls. "How did the texts go?"

I laughed. "Both Edward and Emmett are pissed off. They fell right into it. I mean, I felt kind of bad, but at the same time, this will all be over soon."

She nodded. "And then Emmett can move back home and you and my brother can…get to the making up." She nudged me with a smirk.

I rolled my eyes. "You play dirty, Alice, and I have never loved you more for it."

********

[ Edward ]

We sat and watched the rest of _Shrek_, laughing and just enjoying being boys. Hours must have passed, because we heard the sound of shoes coming down the stairs. The three of our heads turned as Alice walked down wearing a light purple tube top dress with white heels and diamond jewelry. She twirled for us.

"Well, how do I look?" she asked.

Jasper smiled only halfway. "Great, hun, but are you sure you don't want me to come protect you tonight?"

She smiled and kissed his cheek. "You're so cute when you're jealous."

Bella came down the stairs behind her, and I thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest. There was my angel, my love, wearing what could be considered regular clothes, but she looked so fucking sexy. I let my eyes roam down her body, drinking in her legs in those tight, clingy jeans, and then down to her feet. H_er feet in those red heels. _I immediately went hard.

She batted her eyelashes at me. "Well, how do I look?"

Emmett sighed. "Glad you aren't my sister—if you were, I'd lock you up and never let you out wearing something like that."

She stuck her tongue out at him, and my mind went wandering to her tongue all over my body. Her naked body on mine, wearing those red heels. _God, I was a jackass for cutting my hair._

"Bella, I thought we agreed you weren't going to wear those…shoes?"

"No, Edward, you said you didn't want me to, but I want to. I think they make my feet look pretty." She stuck her foot out, giving me a view of her pedicured toenails. I had to hold my breath.

She grabbed her little purse and smiled at me. "I might be out late—don't wait up, okay?"

I fiddled with my hands, trying to fight the urge to throw her over my shoulder and drag her upstairs. "Be safe," I grimaced.

She came over and kissed my cheek. "Every time," she whispered seductively in my ear.

Alice and Bella left shortly after that. As I watched her walk out, I heard Emmett whisper, "Heaven help the men of Seattle tonight."

Jealousy coursed through me. I didn't want other men to need Heaven's help—I wanted them to stay the hell away from Bella and Alice, and Rosalie for that matter.

Jasper chuckled. "If they look that sinful, imagine what Rose looks like…"

Emmett growled. "My woman better not be sexin' it up for anyone but me!"

I rubbed my hands together. "So, now what? Do you guys wanna order pizza or something?"

Emmett had that scheming look in his eye, which by this point in time, scared the shit out of me. "Bella's not here…I say we eat pizza in the bed!!!!"

Jasper looked over at him. "You know, I think sometimes you're mentally 9 years old."

Emmett grinned and raced up the stairs. After about a minute I heard banging and then, "Oh, what the hell Bella?!"

Jasper and I followed up behind him, wanting to see what he was whining about. There, on the door, was an extra lock—one Emmett and I didn't install, and one we didn't have the key for.

"Alice…" Jasper sighed. "I should have known she was up to something when she went to the hardware store…"

I sighed. "Well, Bella has now stooped to an all-time low."

Emmett grinned. "Time to pull out the big guns."

********

[ Bella ]

Alice and I high-fived as we got into her yellow speed-demon. The look on Edward's face when he saw my shoes was absolutely priceless.

"I can't wait until they try to sneak into the bedroom!" Alice squealed.

I had to hand it to her—the girl did know how to taunt the shit out of someone. She had come in handy these last few days.

"Alice, you know I plan on making up with him soon, right?"

She smiled. "Sweetie, of course I do! I just wanted to have one last night of torturing the boys—you might not think Edward deserves all this, but he's had this coming for a long time—at least from me. He and Emmett used to torture me when we were little. I can't even begin to tell you all the things they did to me."

So, I let her have her fun. I pulled out my cell phone and called Rosalie. "We are on our way to the club, are you there yet?"

She laughed. "Oh yeah, I got us a great table, and drinks will be waiting when you get here. The bartender is seriously a hottie. If I wasn't married to Emmett…"

I shook my head, even though she couldn't see it. "I'm sure he would be flipping out if he saw what I assume you're wearing right now."

"How'd you know I had the white strappy dress on with the built-in bra?" she joked.

"Oh, just a hunch. Listen, we'll see you in a bit!"

"Alright, later," she imitated Emmett as she hung up the phone.

I looked over at Alice and smiled. "I sure hope this works."

********

When we entered the club, I saw that Rose wasn't lying—she was wearing a white dress with spaghetti straps that made her breasts look like clouds. She waved us over, and we sat down, drinks waiting as she promised.

"Hello, ladies, and welcome to Saucy!" she smiled as she raised her glass and we toasted. I took a huge pull of my margarita, letting the smoothness of the tequila slide down my throat.

Rosalie leaned over the table and looked at my outfit with a critical eye. "Did Alice help you?"

"Only with the accessories," I smiled.

She nodded. "Nice breasts, Bells. If we all hadn't gone on that family cruise last summer, I would have never guessed you were hiding such exquisite…accessories. No wonder Edward's fighting to get back in the bed as hard as he is."

I blushed. "Thanks."

Alice started laughing. "You should have seen their faces when we left! It was hysterical! Edward was pissed that Bella was wearing red heels!"

"What about Emmett? How did he look?" Rosalie questioned.

I sighed. "He looked like shit, Rosalie. You kicked him out and he came over to my house—so now I'm taking on two Cullen boys at all hours of the night. And Emmett snores---loudly. Did you know that?"

"I happen to find it endearing," she refuted.

"Good, then take him back. I can't sleep at night, wondering what they are plotting next."

"Oh, honey, you know whatever they try won't work! We are the masterminds. We hold all the cards."

"I wonder what they're doing right now," Alice giggled.

"Probably moping around because they can't call for a mutiny on the bedroom."

Rosalie tsked us both. "Girls, if I know my Cullens, and my brother, then they are either getting ready to realize, or are already on their way to come spy on us."

"Really?" I asked.

"Not Jasper!" Alice cried. "He knows better!"

Rosalie shook her head. "Jasper may be the voice of reason between the three of them, but there's no way he's going to let you stay out all night in that dress without him knowing that no men are touching you."

I took another sip of my margarita, finishing it off. "I need another. If they show up, it's going to be one hell of a night."

********

[ Edward ]

"Are you guys sure this is a good idea?" I asked nervously, surveying my outfit. Since Bella had locked the bedroom, I only had what was available from the laundry room, so I had to settle for a pair of faded jeans and a wrinkled maroon button-down shirt.

"Don't worry, little brother, the wrinkled look is back in style!"

"That's not what I meant," I muttered.

Jasper seemed chipper. "Well, at least you'll make sure no one else is ogling Bella in those red heels you keep whispering about."

I mussed up my hair as best I could, and hoped to regain some of that unruliness that Bella apparently held so dear.

"Let's go! The night is only so long, and I've got some groveling to do to Miss Rosie. I'll drive, I'm the fastest!" He dangled his keys in the air and walked toward the door.

We piled into his vehicle and headed off towards Seattle. A little while later, we were waiting in line at Saucy to get in. When we got up to the bouncer, he looked at us critically.

He was a big guy, much taller and thicker than Emmett, and that scared me. "You, with the cowboy boots, you can go in," he nodded at Jasper. Then he turned to Emmett. "Loose the tie and you're in, too." Emmett whipped the tie off that he had borrowed from me and threw it in the trash can.

The bouncer kept studying me. "Why is your shirt so wrinkled?"

"Isn't that back in style?" I asked timidly.

He ran his hand over his chin. "What's the story?"

I closed my eyes and sighed. "My girlfriend kicked me out of my bed and padlocked the door—I can't get in to get my clothes, and these were in the dryer."

The bouncer let out a huge Emmett-sized laugh before clapping me on the shoulder and grinning, his big white teeth lighting up his face. "Well, time to piss the night away, my friend! Get inside!" He shoved me inside, still laughing.

I caught up with Emmett and Jasper inside, and Emmett already had a shot waiting for me—_tequila, one of my many downfalls._

I downed the shot and shook my shoulders, letting the strong alcohol run through my body. Jasper patted me on the back and we began laughing, taking another round of shots.

By round four, or maybe it was five, I began feeling very warm. Emmett was on patrol, searching for the girls, when suddenly I saw him stop and hone in. "The girls at 11:00."

We all looked over to see the girls sitting at a high-top table, giggling and clinking glasses. I smiled at how trendy they all looked, and let my eyes wander down Bella's legs to those…_blasted_ red heels. I wanted to run over and rip them off of her perfect feet.

"See, we worried for nothing," I smiled. But that smile quickly faded as three men sauntered over to _our_ girls and brought them another round of drinks. They giggled and flirted, and I felt my pulse quicken.

"What the fuck," Emmett muttered.

"So, do we go over there, or what?" Jasper asked.

I clenched my fist, fighting off my jealous rage. "No, Jasper. We get even."

********

[ Bella ]

As we all toasted to enjoying a girls' night out, I couldn't help but feel relaxed. This night was exactly what I needed—time spent with my girls in which we weren't plotting and scheming, just sharing juicy gossip.

"And then, oh you should have seen the look on his face, I swear he had never been more surprised!" Rosalie gushed as she recounted how she had given Emmett some car thing for his last birthday. "The thank you sex was delicious!" She looked over at Alice. "Yes, I know, he's your brother—but you know I can't just PG-13 it for you anymore."

Alice leaned forward across the table. "Don't look now, but the guys are here."

I felt my heart leap up into my throat. _Shit, they found the padlock_, was the only thing I could think of.

Rosalie giggled. "Well, good, they came for a show, and damnit a show is what they are gonna get!" She waved her hand, beckoning three bartenders over who were dressed casually. They brought replacement drinks for us.

"Gentlemen, it truly is a pleasure to be in your company tonight," Alice giggled.

One of the men looked at Alice and smiled, leaning over and stirring her drink with the swizzle stick. "Oh, I do believe the pleasure is all mine," he purred.

Rosalie put on her best business voice. "Gentlemen, we are in need of a favor. If you agree, I can promise you a very generous tip at the end of the night."

They looked at each other and nodded. Rosalie continued.

"There are three men standing over there—one big, sexy muscular one, a lanky blonde, and a scraggly wrinkled one."

"Hey…" I whined. "He isn't scraggly."

"Tonight, sweetie, he is. Anyway, gentlemen, they have misbehaved quite badly and we need to teach them a lesson or two. Would you be willing to play along?"

They all nodded and grabbed three stools, joining us and beginning to flirt. One of the bartenders sitting next to me had decided that I was his for the evening.

He wasn't ugly, by any means. He was about 6'2, with dark black hair and olive skin. He was well-built and very handsome—but he was not Edward.

"My name's Marco," he said, running his finger up my arm, causing me to shudder. I felt guilty instantly.

Alice glared at me. "Shaved his head for money," she mouthed to me, and my temper flared again.

"B-Bella," I stammered as he picked up my hand and kissed it softly.

The guys continued to flirt, telling jokes and being affectionate. An upbeat song came on and they invited us all to dance. Normally I don't dance, but at that point I would do anything for a distraction from the task at hand. Marco led me out to the dance floor, pulling me close to his body and we began to dance. I had downed quite a few drinks by now and was starting to feel really, _really_ great. I let my hips move in sync with his as he pulled me in closer. I closed my eyes, letting the warm sensation of my buzz take me over. I imagined it was Edward instead of Marco.

The word, "Edward" spilled out of my mouth, and I felt two arms wrap around me from behind.

I felt a warm breath by my ear as he licked his lips. His velvety raspy voice made my legs tremble.

"Tonight…leave the heels on."

********

**A/N: [OH SNAP]! Hehe, *hides* please don't think I'm evil! But I had to give you something while I get the next part ready! Hope you enjoyed it—tell me, what are your favorite parts? Can I say an extra-special thanks to my beta, Little Miss Masen? She inspired the padlock! And to hammondgirl, for inspiring Alice's evil plan *evil giggle*. And AHelm, I know you helped in here somewheres! And if I forgot anyone else, I am soooo sorry. PM me and I'll get you next time.**

**So, who's excited about story pimpage? Oh, you are? Well, here's one of my newest favoritessss:**

It's called "The Butterfly Effect" and *shocker* it's by AHelm (um, she's my friend and a damn good fic writer so nyah).

Here's the sum: Edward Cullen has a chance encounter while vacationing with his sister, Alice. Upon his return home, he cannot get the girl out of his mind, and he simply can't shake the idea that something more should come from their meeting. ALL EPOV. (If you don't go read that you're insane! It's getting to the good stuff RIGHT NOW!)

**Until next time, I'm looking forward to your theories ******

**xo-little miss whitlock**


	6. Purses and PattyCake

**Disclaimer: I don't own, rent, or lease, Twilight, its characters, or whatever name-brand stuff I mention here. **

**A/N: Did anyone miss me while I was gone? I'm sorry! I don't have much of an excuse. The reviews from last chapter made me smile—and laugh. You guys were all so worried about Bella cheating on Edward with Mr. Bartender. Have I proven myself that cruel and evil? Well, this chapter's going to excite you hopefully! Thanks to the beta, Little Miss Masen! xo. Seriously, I need to also tell you the song playing at the club is "Kaboom" by Lady Gaga and if you don't have it, either download it or go to youtube because that schtuff is hot.**

**Without further ramblings, I give you….*waves arms like a circus ringmaster* The REAL Chapter Six!!!**

[ Chapter Six] The Right Side of Wrong

[ Edward]

She was hot. So damn hot. And dancing like a sex-crazed goddess.

I smirked. Because she was all mine.

I knew I had her when I walked up behind her and breathed in her ear—she couldn't resist that; not after the 4 margaritas I'd seen her down. I winked at the guy she was dancing with and mouthed the words 'get fucking lost' to him as I pulled Bella tighter against my chest.

I heard her catch her breath as I whispered in her ear. She was coming undone, and if I played my cards right, I'd be one lucky man.

"Uhh," was all she could say as I let my hands roam up her body, resting just below her breasts. My already restricted jeans were taking another hit below the belt as Bella pressed her back against me, her cute little bottom rubbing against me.

I was angry when I saw her dancing with that other guy—I don't know who the Don-fucking-Juan he thought he was, but he was sadly mistaken if he thought he was gonna get with _my_ girl. I was jealous—seething green with jealousy.

She let out a soft moan and I saw her tongue running over her lower lip. She continued dancing, running her hands up her body to meet mine. Together, our hands drifted down her body as it slithered across and against me—her body moved like a snake being charmed by a flute. _Lucky me, I was the flute._

My hips ground into her backside, joining the sensual dance. It felt like everything was moving in slow motion, and I couldn't figure out if it was because I was way past plastered, or if someone had drugged my drink.

"Does your boyfriend know what you're doing?" I whispered in her ear, biting and pulling the lobe softly.

She bit her lower lip, closing her eyes. "He…uhhhh…." She panted.

I grinned; at this point she was nothing but putty in my hands. I began to follow the rhythm of her hips, pressing her breasts up and pushing them together with my hands. She threw her head back against my shoulder.

"Flirting with other men is bad, Bella. You have to know you've been doing many naughty things lately…"

She squeaked, unable to get any words out. All week I had been miserable playing this stupid little game, which was only stupid because I hadn't won. But now that the tables had turned and I was in the champion's seat, I understood why Bella was toying with me. _This shit was fun._

The beat from the music was beginning to pulse in my head. Bella's hands found their way to my back pockets, snaking down them and gripping my ass. She pulled me closer to her, as if I could get any closer without being inside her.

My erection was grinding into her, and she let out a low moan. "Oh God, Edward."

I bit my lip to contain the noises that wanted to escape my mouth. I felt perspiration on my forehead as I teased her breasts with my hands, running my thumbs over her nipples.

She leaned forward into my caresses, then down to her toes, her ass just sticking right out there. My hands went to her hips, pulling her against me. She shot up, turning her body to face me, looking at me for the first time since we had entered the club. Her tongue darted out and flicked dangerously over her lower lip. I saw her sultry lips curve into a sensual smile.

"Hey baby," she slurred, slightly tipsy. Her hands wound around my neck, pulling me down closer to her face. "Screw me if I'm wrong, but haven't we met before?"

I laughed because she was getting it all wrong. Or maybe that was her plan the whole time.

I noticed the sweat beads on her body, falling down her neck and across her chest. I couldn't help but stare and lick my lips, wanting to capture them as they fell dangerously close to those perfect breasts of hers.

She began dancing against me again, my painful erection now close to the brink of explosion. My hands developed minds of their own, gliding across her body, touching whatever I could. After days of being without her, and the other day when she made me jizz, I was more than ready to melt.

Her heavy breathing against my body was not going unnoticed. As I ground my hips against her, she leaned into my ear and said the most magical words I had heard in days.

"Let's get out of here."

I looked around the club and my eyes landed on the table with Rose and Alice. Emmett and Jasper were now there, and Alice was waving her hands frantically at Jasper, who did not look so happy. _Welcome to the doghouse,_ I thought.

Emmett was groveling to Rose, who wasn't even paying him any attention. Yes; now was the perfect time to get out of here—maybe they could all work out their own problems while Bella and I worked out…our own.

Bella tugged on my shirt, drawing my attention back to her. She raises an eyebrow, reiterating her question.

I nodded, leaning forward and kissing her quickly. "Let's go home." I took her hand in mine and began heading out towards the exit.

"Bella!" Alice called.

_Fuck. _She was going to take Bella away to follow her stupid little plan or whatever game they were playing.

I kept pulling, but Bella stopped. I turned and looked back at her. She put up her finger, signaling that she needed one second. I watched her walk over to Alice and they began talking, using their hands. Emmett was trying to eavesdrop, but Rosalie, who had suddenly been paying attention, whacked him on the back of the head.

Alice leaned in and whispered something to Bella, and Bella shook her head. Alice looked upset and gave her that pout face that worked on everyone.

But apparently alcohol made Bella immune. She hugged Alice and headed back over to me, smiling. "Sorry," she said.

I shrugged. "Not a problem. You ready?"

She looked up at me and smiled. "More than you know."

********

[ Bella ]

My head was pounding as I cracked one eye open, light flooding my vision, making me scrunch my eyes back closed. I let out a low groan. _What happened last night?_

I started to stretch a little and felt an arm tighten around me. My eyes went wide and I slowly looked down at my waist. My eyes traveled up and behind me, searching to identify my captor. I felt his hot breath on my neck and a light snore coming out of him.

_Think, Bella, think. What happened last night?_

I lifted the blanket and noted that I still had my clothes on from the club. That was a good thing. I looked down at the hand that had me tucked into the spoon position. His long fingers were splayed across my side, curling and dragging me in closer.

I closed my eyes, as visions from the previous night came flashing back to me.

_I was having drinks with Alice and Rosalie…lots of drinks…margaritas?_

I inhaled deeply, trying to clear my headache and figure out what happened last night. But it only seemed to come back in flashes.

_Loud music…flashing lights…hands on my hips…breaths on my neck…red heels. Red heels?_

I kicked my foot out from underneath the blanket and confirmed that I was still wearing the red heels. _Were those mine?_

I tried to wiggle free, but was only pulled closer as my captor nuzzled into my neck, the hot air from his nostrils tickling me.

After a little bit of maneuvering, I was able to turn my shoulder so I could look at my bed buddy. I held back a breath as I saw that familiar face…

"Edward?!" I called out unintentionally, shocked to find him next to me…spooning me.

He shook himself awake, running the back of his hand across his mouth, trying to get his bearings.

"Bella? What—When—What--?" He asked.

"That's what I would like to know," I said, covering my eyes with my hands. My head was _killing _me.

I heard him shuffling around and I peeked from behind my hands to see him duck his head under the covers. I snickered.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

I winced. "Please…don't talk loud."

"Oh," he said sadly. I kept my hands over my eyes, hoping he would just go back to sleep or go away or something.

"You were snoring," I stated.

I heard him huff. "Well, it's not like I have gotten a good night's sleep in the last few days. I can't help it if I was really comfortable last night." He was bitter.

My hangover was not allowing me to be sensitive right now. "I'm glad YOU had a great night."

He cocked an eyebrow at me. "Oh, and just what, exactly, is that supposed to mean?"

"Whatever you want it to mean." I ran my hands through my hair, which was sticking up everywhere.

"As I recall, you were having a pretty good night yourself." I could hear the smirk in his remark.

I sighed. "Edward, please."

"Yep, that was one of the phrases you said," he snickered.

I looked over at him with narrow eyes. "I'm sure if I was saying that, the only way I was meaning it was 'Edward, please sleep downstairs.'"

He rolled his eyes. "Bella, please. We both know when you drink that you get exceptionally horny."

My jaw dropped at how casually he made that accusation. "That is not true! I think you get…horny…as soon as I get drunk!"

He ran his hands through his shaggy hair."So, you're calling me a dirty perve creepster, is that what I am hearing? That the only time I want to have sex with you is when you are blown off your ass drunk? Real classy, Bells."

"Well, how did you get in the bed last night, Edward? Did you have some stupid little plan to wait until I was drunk so you could get home and back in bed with me? Because that is just ridiculous, especially for you…"

He glared at me, eyes wide. "Stupid little plan? If anyone in this bed is making stupid little plans, it sure as hell is NOT me! Shit, how could you even think that I have some stupid plan to woo you over? Are you _serious_?! Do you even know what you are saying right now and how stupid it sounds?!"

I put my hands over my eyes again. "STOP YELLING!"

"I'M NOT YELLING, BELLA!"

"And stop calling me stupid!" I shouted, frustrated.

"I'm not calling you stupid…I'm just saying…ughhh. Forget it." He threw the covers back and I noticed that he was still fully clothed as well, minus his shoes. He was pulling at his hair, which really had started growing back nicely. His face was covered in a 5 o'clock shadow.

"What happened last night?" I pushed.

He turned to look at me. "I was pretty wasted last night. What do you remember?"

I shrugged. "Well, I obviously know what I wore." I motioned to my outfit and thought I saw the slightest smirk creep over his lips.

He nodded. "You were playing quite the little vixen last night."

There was a tense silence before Edward spoke again.

"And who the fuck was that guy you were talking with?"

"What? Oh…I don't know…Marco?"

"Marco?!" He spat. "And how long have you known this…Marco?!"

I stood up, my head spinning and my stomach turning. I wasn't sure if it was the hangover or the fact that this conversation was making me sick.

He kept pushing.

"Tell me, Isabella, are you cheating on me?!"

My jaw dropped. He only called me Isabella in two situations—when he was really upset with me, or when he was really in love with me.

I got out of bed, walked straight over to him, and raised my hand. Before I knew what was happening I slapped him in the face. "How DARE you ever insinuate that I would cheat!"

I think I truly surprised him. His hand went to his cheek and he looked at me with wild eyes. "What the fuck was I supposed to think?! That you were playing patty cake and talking about purses?! I mean, fuck, Bella, his hands were ALL OVER YOU!"

"I cannot believe this! I cannot believe YOU" I screamed as I clenched my eyes shut, fighting back tears.

"I guess you were too drunk to see yourself very clearly! You were playing grab-ass with fucking Marco!"

"I was drunk!"

"That is no excuse!" He stared down at me, his chest heaving with his anger.

I jut my chin up at him, fighting back the urge to push him away from me. At this point I wanted to rip my head off my neck and throw it out a window. I fought back the bile in my stomach—this was one argument I was not going to give in to. This had been building up for days.

I threw my hands up in the air. "So, I fucked up. Is that what you want to hear, Edward? That these last few days I've been scheming and pulling 'stupid' tricks just to piss you off for fun? Really?!"

"That's exactly what you've been doing, Bella! Waltzing around in next to nothing, making me sexually frustrated, and going off flirting with other men right in front of me! It's downright evil, Bella!! It's like you were a completely different person!"

I felt the burn in my eyes coming back. I clenched my fists, fighting back the urge to wipe at my eyes, afraid the tears might fall. "Then why do you even stay with me?!" I challenged.

His neck was growing redder by the second, signaling his anger. "BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND I WANT TO FUCKING MARRY YOU!"

The world stopped. My head stopped pounding. My stomach stopped flipping. My breaths stopped coming.

_What?_

Edward and I just stared at each other, panting, wondering if that had really just come out of his mouth.

After what felt like eternity, I felt myself come back down to earth. "Oh, great, just great! You think you can say things like that and propose marriage to me and it'll just end this whole stupid thing, don't you?! Was it Emmett's idea? No, I bet it was Jasper's—he's much smarter than Emmett. God, Edward!"

He shook his head. "Don't you even DARE suggest that I would use marriage as a leverage to win this argument, and do NOT bring Emmett and Jasper into this! If it weren't for Rosalie and Alice egging you on…this shit would have been over with before it even started!"

"You're accusing Rosalie and Alice?!" I was pissed.

He began pacing the room. "Tell me, Bella, who's idea was it to put on the dress and seduce me? Who's idea was it to go to the club?" His eyes lit up. "Wait a second, it was Alice who was sending those texts, wasn't it?! Fuck me!"

I pressed my lips together. I would not be the one to give Alice up.

"It was her! I can tell! Ugh, Bella, don't you see what's happened here?!"

"That you've turned into a total lunatic?" I asked.

"No!" He walked over, putting his hands on my shoulders. "Don't you see what they've done? They've all pitted us against each other! This is some sick, twisted game to them! They're all probably getting off right now on the fact that we've been at each other's throats for days playing games of sex keep-away!"

I thought about that for a second. Was I really mad at Edward? Didn't Alice keep reminding me that paybacks were important? _Oh shit, he's right. Damnit. Again._

He let out a groan and pulled at his hair again, looking around the room.

"Edward…"

He held out his hand, palm facing me. "No, Bella, just don't. Stop sticking up for them. What they've been doing is wrong…so wrong. Please, I know they are your friends but for once, do not defend them."

"I wasn't going to."

He pulled his hand down and looked at me. "Stop joking."

"I'm not."

He stared at me for a long time. I was becoming mesmerized by the raising and lowering of his chest. I felt myself start to tingle. This fight would end soon. _Thank you, Jesus._

He reached over and picked up the hammer that was on the floor. My heart started beating fast. "Edward what are you—"

He went over to the door, and, using the back end of the hammer, began removing the nails that held the new padlock that…_Alice_…had insisted I put on the door. After he had removed the nails, he took a good swing at it and it flew off the door, crashing into the wood with a loud clank.

He turned to face me, eyeing me from across the room manically. "Don't _ever_ lock me out again."

I shook my head. "I won't."

He stared at me for another second before he carelessly ditched the hammer.

There was a fire in his eyes I had never seen before.

********

[ Edward ]

I stood there watching her, my adrenaline rushing. How could she not have seen that it was our friends the entire time who were stringing us along in this sick and twisted game?

Her 'morning after' look was glorious, her hair in a hot wavy mess, her clothes wrinkled, those red heels on those beautiful feet...

I didn't want to fight with her anymore. Fuck, I never wanted to fight with her in the first place.

Taking off that padlock made me feel good; it made me feel like a man. "Don't _ever_ lock me out again," I growled.

Her wide doe eyes glistened as she shook her head from side to side. "I won't."

That was all I needed. My body couldn't hold itself back any longer, and I lunged myself across the room, pulling her deeply against me as I crashed my lips down against hers.

_All mine._

********

**A/N: So…I really don't have much to say after Edward's little spiel there. Review and tell me your thoughts? ******

**Xoxo—Little Miss Whitlock **


	7. Consumed With Whats to Transpire

**A/N: So, I have this new habit of taking a while between chapters. My bad. But, in my defense, I did give you 'A Great Fall' Ch 1 (which, if you haven't read, please do!!) So, I decided to 'hunker down' (that's what we say here in Florida during Hurricane Season) and give you this chapter in hopes that you are still here with me! As always, thanks to Little Miss Masen (my lovely beta), and hammondgirl because she gives me so much!! And a little thanks to Theotherbella, my new ffic galpal! Her story 'Those Eyes' is one I am addicted to. ******** Ok, enough of me, I know what all you little pervs want! The long-awaited Lemony Chapter Seven!**

************

**Disclaimer: I, being of sound mind and a perverted soul, hereby swear that I do not own Twilight, its characters, or any other bits that may belong to Stephenie Meyer. **

And I most certainly do **not** own a Fade to Black.

**Warning: The following content is not suitable for reading at work, unless you have a change of underwear. (Speaking of Change of Underwear, go read Hammondgirl's story of the same title, but it's not suitable for work either, sorry).**

[ Chapter 7] The Right Side of Wrong

[ Edward ]

Her lips were even softer than I remembered. My body reacted instantly, fingers digging into her soft skin, steadying her so she couldn't run away.

She gasped and I took the opportunity to slide my tongue into her mouth. Bella's tongue met mine and they swirled together, reacquainting themselves after the long separation.

Her fingers began to make quick work of the buttons on my shirt as my fingers gripped at the hem of her stretchy top.

We pulled apart to catch our breath just as Bella was reaching the last button. She pushed the shirt open and off my shoulders. I loosened my grip on her momentarily to let it fall to the ground.

My lips hungrily re-attacked hers and my hands rested against her hip bones, tugging her against me. I began pulling at her shirt.

Bella moaned. "Edward…"

My chest was bouncing higher than a 4 year-old on a trampoline and my eyes looked down into hers with excitement. "Yes?" I asked.

"Just get it off already," she groaned huskily. I smirked.

_Oh, the shirt,_ I told myself.

I tried to pull it up but grew tired of waiting. My hands grabbed at the fabric, gathering it under my fingers. With one long pull, I ripped the shirt in two, pushing it off her.

She gasped. "I liked that shirt."

I couldn't help but let out a low chuckle. "I'll buy you ten more later, but right now, it's better like this" I said, my lips staking claim on her neck, sucking and tugging at all her sensitive spots that I had learned over our years together.

A small moan escaped her lips as her hands roamed across my undershirt, her nails leaving a hot trail of fire in their wake. It took all I had not to let out the loudest groan at the smallest of her touches.

I felt Bella's fingers travel up my body and into my hair, weaving throughout the partial grown-out mess and tug my face level with hers.

She smiled at me, pulling my bottom lip between her teeth and tugging gently, placing her forehead against mine. "Enough foreplay, okay?"

I nodded eagerly, pushing her back towards the bed. Her shoes clacked against the wooden floor, echoing the scene from the club in my mind.

_Hands on her breasts…sweat down her neck…those sensual hips…_

I crossed my arms across my chest, grabbing the ends of my undershirt and pulling it over my head, letting it fall somewhere on the floor. I felt my muscles flex, rejoicing in the good night's sleep they had recently received.

Bella's chest was rising and falling in a methodical rhythm, and my body twitched in anticipation. She began unbuttoning her jeans and I couldn't tear my eyes away from the sight in front of me. Her pale skin looked almost porcelain in the light, and her hair, although wild from last night's hangover, was still shiny and perfect to me.

As she popped the button, my erection felt like it was going to explode. I walked to the bed, leaning over her, my arms supporting my body weight.

She looked up at me, her brown eyes dancing. I took her lips to mine, the softness pulling me in. I pulled back, breathing heavy, completely intoxicated by this woman.

"Edward, I need to get these jeans off."

I shook my head, bringing the rest of my body onto the bed, knees on either side of her hips. "No, baby, allow me."

********

[ Bella ]

His warm breath on my face, my neck, any part of my body, would always be my ultimate undoing. I didn't know if Edward was aware of that or not, but he sure seemed to use it to his advantage.

His body was propped against mine, and I desperately craved the weight he was refusing. I looked up at him and his green eyes lit up like he had just received a bicycle for his 10th birthday. I smiled—it was impossible not to.

His finger danced lazily down the skin of my abs and around the metal button on my jeans. He flicked it gently, and poked his finger through the loophole, pulling it away from my skin, which was now aching for his touch.

I swallowed—hard. "Off…" I whined like a little girl.

He clicked his tongue. "Now, Bella, I know you said no foreplay, but please let me have a little fun here…"

I withheld the growl from the back of my throat. "If you'd get those jeans off I could show you a whole lot of fun."

He smiled, his eyes dancing again. He leaned forward, placing a small kiss at my belly button, taking it into his mouth, his tongue sliding into the indentation. His lips puckered around it, pulling it tight against his teeth, which grazed it ever so softly.

_Dear God, thank you for foreplay. And for Edward Cullen._

A small moan escaped my mouth, and I felt his lips turn up into a smile against me. He looked up with a devilish smirk. He gave my bellybutton another quick lick of his tongue before he brought his hand up to my jeans.

I was squirming at this point, simply wanting to be naked and fucked. He was taking too long, even if I was enjoying it immensely.

"Edward, for the love of it all, please..." I begged.

He flicked his eyes up to my face. "Please…what?"

I rolled my eyes in agitation. "You fucking know!"

He cocked an eyebrow at me. "No, I don't think I do…"

I sighed, exasperated. "Hurry up and fuck me!" I screamed.

His eyes widened and he grabbed the front of my jeans, yanking them tightly into his fist. My hips lifted slightly as his eyes pierced mine. "Is this how you want it to be, then?" He growled.

I let out another low moan. "Yes, yes."

His fist loosened and his hand traveled down to grasp my thigh tightly. "Fast and quick?"

I shook my head. "No, God no…"

He tightened his grip, the pain only being deflected by the immense pleasure I was experiencing. "Tell me, baby, what is it, exactly that you want?"

I scanned his chest, which was heaving up and down. Edward would never admit it, but this was turning him on. And it's not like I couldn't see that with my own two eyes.

I licked my bottom lip feeling somewhat calmed down. "Hard."

I saw him gulp. He wasn't expecting me to play his little game. Well I had news for him.

His hand traveled up my thigh, leaving a trail of heat behind. He brought his other hand forward and unzipped my jeans. Those magical fingers of his pushed the flap open, tingling against my skin.

I raised my hips as he tucked his fingers into the loops and pulled the jeans abruptly off my butt. He rose off me to help me slide the jeans down my legs. I began to cross my legs, trying to kick off the heels.

"Leave those on," he said simply. He removed them one at a time to remove my pants, but replaced the shoes as soon as I was freed.

His eyes roamed across my body, now only covered in my underwear, bra, and those heels.

_Best purchase in my entire life._

I felt sweat beading at my brow line—I don't know whether it was from the excitement of what was about to come, or the intense heat in the room; to be honest, I didn't even care.

Edward leaned forward again, reclaiming my lips. My hands skirted around to his back, nails digging lightly into the skin there. He let out a heavy breath.

"Bella…shit, baby," he murmured.

My fingers danced down his back and rested at the belt of his jeans. I began to make quick work of the button and zipper. With a small groan, Edward pushed the strap of my bra off my shoulder, sucking intently on the exposed skin.

I pushed his jeans down his body, revealing a pair of dark grey boxer-briefs. I moaned in combination of his ministrations and the sight of the Holy Grail—Edward's penis.

His teeth dragged up my neck, his body resting between my legs. My knees bent on their own accord, heels digging into the mattress.

His hands began to wander across my skin, stopping and circling small areas that he loved—freckles, scars, sensitive skin. My body felt electric, crackling at each touch as it warmed my skin.

His thumb hooked under the waistband of my white lace, cheeky-cut panties. He looked down as his fingers grazed the material, a small smile appearing on his face.

"Was someone anticipating some sexual intercourse?" His eyebrow cocked.

I pushed his hand down, tugging the panties with them gently.

"Eager, are we?" He teased, his fingers pulling the other side down as well and off my body.

I let out a low groan.

His hand traced up my leg and back down, cupping under my calf and bringing my leg back to its previous bent position on the bed.

Edward nestled between my legs as I used my heels to drag his boxer-briefs away from what I wanted most.

His back arched in pleasure as he licked the soft area between my breasts, sending chills across my heated body. Goosebumps erupted as his breath blanketed me. I felt my eyes begin to roll back in my head, my neck becoming weak. His hand swept up behind me, holding my head as he met my lips in another kiss.

My eyes closed and I felt him against my thigh, ready and waiting. But I didn't want him to wait. I reached down and ran the tip of my finger across his delicate skin.

"Baby, don't…" Edward pleaded, his lips tickling my neck, "I'll lose my shit."

My fingers traveled around his hip and up his back again, touching every inch that I could. I had neglected this delicious body for weeks now, and vowed never to do so again.

His free hand traveled down to my hip, holding me steady as he slid into me. My head fell back into his strong hand, which had woven itself into my hair.

"Oh…oh, yesss…" I moaned loudly as our bodies connected.

Edward groaned, burying his face into my shoulder. His hips began pounding a sensual rhythm, each time creating a new pleasant burning deep in my core.

"H-h-h-harder, Edward," I stumbled out between waves of ecstasy.

He complied, his teeth grazing along my neck as he continued thrusting. His hand trailed down my body, fingers dancing across my now sweaty skin and coming to rest behind my thigh. With one swift movement, his hand gripped my thigh, pulling my leg up and over his shoulder, sending him deeper within me.

I screamed. "Ung…Edward…fuck."

He was panting. "Baby, you're perfect…" he worshipped.

I began thrusting my hips, attempting to meet his in the frenzy. My insides were wired, sparking and snapping, setting me alive…setting me on fire.

"Edward….Edward, please. Please, please, please," I begged, my mouth hanging slightly open as I tried to capture my breath.

The animalistic side of him snapped and came alive, and he began pounding into me without mercy. His groans became grunts and I felt my insides tighten.

The hand behind my neck gripped tighter, and I leaned forward, my nails digging down his back in an effort to bring us closer. Edward bit into his lower lip, his own fingers gripping my hipbone.

"Isabella…Isabella," my name fell out of his mouth in a chant as his hair matted to his forehead, the sweat making it cling.

I reached up, my fingers tangling in his hair. Even though it was shorter than it had ever been, my fingers still dug into it, tugging. My other leg came to rest on his hip, the heel of my red shoe digging into his perfect backside.

I began to squirm as my insides tightened, signaling my soon coming release. Another moan made its way out of my throat, cutting into the heavy air.

He continued to pump relentlessly. Beads of sweat fell off his body, landing on mine in a sensual rain dance of pure unadulterated passion.

His body tensed, and he began to shudder. Moans and incomprehensible words flew out of his mouth as his warm seed exploded into my body. His eyes were squeezed shut tightly, his nails beginning to drag at the skin of my hip and neck.

Seeing Edward in the midst of pure ecstasy and orgasm turned me on like nothing else. Seeing him raw and bare like that was a true privilege; knowing I was responsible for bringing that out of him was unfathomable.

_And so fucking hot._

He continued to pump, and his hand relaxed, sliding across my body and down between my legs. With a flick of those glorious fingers, he had me twisted and the burning inside me exploded. I screamed out as my own orgasm took over my body; the only thing keeping me grounded were those magical fingers.

I panted and gasped, fighting for air as Edward planted searing kisses along my throat, his soft voice coaxing me back into reality. His thumb behind my neck stroked gently, reminding me that even in the midst of a good, hard, fuck, the loving and attentive Edward I knew was still there.

Eventually I had calmed enough to open my eyes and look at that gorgeous man in front of me. He smiled softly, his cheeks flushed and his hair matted. His breathing had begun to regulate itself as well, his forehead coming to meet mine. Edward placed a soft kiss against my lips.

I looked up and smiled at him again. "I don't like fighting with you, but if the sex is like this every time, I wouldn't mind it once in a while."

He grinned. "If that's all you wanted, you could have just asked, baby. Hell, I'd fuck you six ways from Sunday every night—whatever you want, it's yours."

********

[ Edward ]

She ran her tongue across her lower lip, lying back on the bed. I crawled off her, coming to rest beside her. She had one hand resting behind her head, the other dancing across my stomach. Her touch was soothing, reassuring me that our fight was over.

"Edward?" she asked softly, her eyes trained on her fingers that skimmed my skin.

"Yes?" I asked.

"I just wanted to, you know; say I'm sorry…for all the stupid things…"

I grabbed her hand, stilling it, her eyes looking up to mine. "Bella, please. We both did some pretty stupid stuff these last couple of days. I shouldn't have made bets with Emmett…fuck, I should never have even _listened_ to Emmett. But that's not the point. The point is: it's over."

She nodded. "You really shouldn't have listened to Emmett." She tried to hold back a smile.

I raised an eyebrow. "Oh, do you find that funny, Miss Swan?"

She coughed and attempted to regain her composure. "No, no definitely not, sir."

A low growl erupted from my chest. "Well, I don't believe you." My fingers began tickling her sides, and she squirmed and giggled, trying to roll away from me.

"Edward, please," she laughed, small tears coming to her eyes.

"Mmm," I murmured, replacing my tickling fingers with my lips and tongue.

Her fingers went immediately to my hair, pushing me further into her skin. My nose grazed against the cool satin of her black bra that had remained on in our haste.

Bella moaned softly, the flat of my tongue following her breasts down to her bellybutton. My tongue danced around it and continued southward. Bella's hands in my hair were pushing me down towards her need.

My hands gently spread her legs farther apart, making room for my body. I placed two soft kisses on her inner thighs before the tip of my tongue traveled towards her center.

If I had ever thought the smell of Bella was intoxicating, her taste was even more glorious. I was religiously addicted to it, and my thirst for it could never be sated.

My tongue greedily lapped up her juices, letting it swirl into my mouth and down my throat. My tongue explored her folds, and her whimpers and moans only encouraged me more. She was writhing beneath me, calling for me.

"Edward, oh god, yes, please, don't stop," she begged.

My tongue found its way inside her, and my body felt on fire. This woman was driving me nuts and I didn't even think she knew it. Her fingers dug deeper into my scalp, the combination of pain and pleasure driving my tongue deeper.

My hands wrapped tightly around her thighs, allowing me freedom to move. I curled my tongue and she let out a gargled scream as her body released again, and a new wave of juices assaulted my tongue. I drank it up eagerly, running a fingertip across the folds and sucking it gently.

I caught eyes with Bella and she smiled contently. Her chest was heaving up and down again, such a beautiful sight. I scooted next to her body as she leaned over and kissed me.

"Thank you, a thousand times thank you," she whispered, kissing me again.

I smirked. "Oh, I do believe the pleasure was all mine."

Her fingers intertwined with me, resting against my chest. "How about we agree to disagree?" she asked hopefully.

I laughed. "I'll go for that. I just got back in this bed, I don't wanna find another reason to be kicked out."

She rolled to her side and snuggled against me. "Ugh, my head is pounding." Her eyes closed, and my heart broke a little for her.

I stood up and walked into the bathroom, grabbing the bottle of Advil and filling her tumbler glass with water. I came back and sat next to her on the bed as she sat up and took the pills from me. She took a sip of water and threw her head back, swallowing the pills.

I stroked my hand through her hair. "I'm so sorry, love."

She shook her head. "Don't apologize; I am the one who had way too many drinks last night." She leaned back against the bed and I did the same. She spooned against me, and I let my body curl with hers, my arm circling her, chin resting on her shoulder.

"I love you," I murmured softly.

"I love you, too," she agreed. "Edward?"

"Uh huh?" I asked, trying to fight back the sleep that was taking me over.

"What are we gonna tell everyone else?"

I yawned. "Let's worry about that after we rest. But don't worry, we'll figure something out that'll blow their socks off. They deserve what's coming to them."

She rubbed my hand softly. "Sounds good to me."

I waited for a moment, listening to Bella's breathing even out before I finally relaxed and fell into the best sleep that I had had in quite a while.

********

**A/N: tada, what you've been waiting for (well, some of you, anyway!) Don't panic, though—this story is NOT over yet. I've got a few things up my sleeves. But you can rest easily now that they have made up, okay? No more "Bella is so mean to Edward" stuff! Hehe. As always, please review and lemme know whatcha liked! **

**xo Little Miss Whitlock**


	8. Get Out

**Nd JeraDisclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story, as much as I wish I did.**

**A/N: I figure you just want the chapter so here it goes. Small note at the bottom.**

[ The Right Side of Wrong ] Chapter 8

[ Bella ]

I stirred awake and sighed contentedly as a good night's sleep ended. My eyes adjusted to the room but it was still slightly dark out. It couldn't have been past 7:30 a.m. The cool fabric of my pillowcase begged me to stay put, but my stomach suggested otherwise. I peeked over at Edward, who was sleeping next to me, and bit back a chuckle. He had buried his face in his pillow and the muffled sounds of a deep snore were coming from him. His hands were tucked under the pillow and his body rose and fell evenly.

Slowly, I eased my way out and off the bed, grabbed a sundress that was lying on a chair, threw it on, and headed downstairs to the kitchen. I turned the stove light on and peeked out the small window above the sink. The sun was just beginning to creep out from behind the trees.

I pulled a glass from the cupboard and filled it with water. I stood against the sink and thought back to the last week or so. I was certainly glad the games were over—although it was somewhat fun, it was good to have things going back to normal. As much as I was upset about Edward's hair, I could get over that. It would grow back—it was a scientific fact.

So what was really bothering me?

Aside from being apart from Edward for over two weeks, the weeks leading up to that seemed…different. I couldn't exactly pinpoint what it was, but the air between Edward and me had changed significantly. He was irritable, working long hours, always talking on his phone late at night. I knew he wasn't cheating on me—Edward was not _that_ guy. Edward couldn't even _be_ that guy if he wanted to be; his parents had raised him better than that.

Plus, Alice would kill him. I think if anything scared him straight, it was her.

I sipped my water and picked a banana from its bunch, peeling it and taking a bite.

What was Edward's deal?

I opened the fridge and saw some vegetables that needed chopping. I pulled them out, washed them, and put them on the cutting board. Grabbing a knife, I began taking out my frustrations in the slicing and dicing. Soon I had quite a pile of peppers, onions, and mushrooms.

A pair of warm hands wove themselves around my waist, tugging me away from the counter.

"It's a very good morning," Edward said into my ear, his warm breath tickling me.

"A very good one indeed," I agreed.

His lips brushed against my cheek, lingering. I couldn't help but let a smile creep across my face, and he chuckled.

"Are we having vegetables for breakfast?"

I shook my head, turning around to face him. "No. I thought since it was Sunday, we could have family dinner here tonight."

He thought for a second. "That sounds like a good idea. Although I'd much rather have a Sunday night dinner alone…" he trailed off suggestively.

"Mmm," I hummed softly, pulling his face to mine and kissing him lightly.

"Do you agree? We could move family dinner to tomorrow night."

I nodded. "Yes, I like the sound of that. Good call, Edward."

He let go of me, opening the fridge and pulling out a water bottle. He leaned against the counter, watching me as I resumed my chopping.

"Did you sleep well?" I asked.

He paused before answering. "The best sleep I've had in weeks. You?"

"Eh, I've had better," I teased, while looking over at him and throwing a wink.

He shook his head.

I grabbed a bag and slid the vegetables into it, labeling it and tossing it to Edward, who tucked it into the fridge.

I brushed my hands against the dress, which did not go unnoticed by Edward.

He raised an eyebrow. "Did you plan on going somewhere in that?"

I looked down at it and realized what I was wearing. The terrycloth sundress I had…seduced…Edward in only days prior.

"This old thing?" I asked as I twirled from left to right.

He took a step closer to me. I took a step backwards toward the door.

A small grin crept up on his face. A second passed before he jumped toward me and I took off for the living room, giggling as I tried not to trip over my own feet. I was almost to the couch when I felt his hand on the back of my elbow.

I squealed out as he tackled me down onto the couch, my body flinging backwards over the arm. The couch groaned as we busted down on it.

His hand came to a rest on my knee and he looked at me, a big toothy grin on his face, his chest rising and falling heavily.

I smiled back at him, my chest also heaving from our little game. I bite my lower lip and looked up at him coyly.

He leaned in close to my face. "You have no idea the thoughts that have crossed my mind of you in this little dress here." His fingers tugged at the hem before pushing it higher up my thigh.

My eyes trailed down to watch him, and I saw his tongue dart out to wet his lips. His eyes had a determined look to them, and as he peeked up at me and our eyes met, I felt my body shudder.

His hand slid higher up my thigh as he leaned in and kissed me. "Bella, Bella, Bella," he said reverently.

Yes, this is what I had missed.

My body instinctively moved closer toward him, my arms wrapping around his neck. His tongue ferociously assaulted my neck, his lips sucking and teeth grazing the sensitive skin. A small moan escaped me, egging on his assault.

His fingers rolled the terrycloth fabric between them, the backs of his fingers brushing against my tingling skin.

"God, Bella, you're killing me," he panted, his hips grinding against my body.

I let out another moan. My heart was beating so fast I thought it was gonna jump out of my chest. My nails ran over the back of his head, teasing the short locks that were filling back in. His hand slipped under the dress and glided across my hips, missing the place he was needed the most.

"Edward," I whined.

He smiled. "Yes?"

"Stop fucking around," I whined.

He feigned offense. "I refuse to stop fucking around with you, Bella. It's way too much fun!" His fingers ghosted across my underwear and my hips bucked involuntarily against them. "See? You respond to just the slightest touch…"

I pulled him towards my face by his ear. "Edward, I need it. I need you."

He let out a low growl before throwing himself on top of my body. His hands moved everywhere, pulling at the dress until it was almost off my body. His hands began roaming, squeezing, loving. His lips followed the trail of his hands and I let out another moan.

"Now," I begged.

His long and slender finger slid underneath the elastic and stroked softly. My body began to feel like it was on fire and I squirmed uncontrollably trying to create a friction.

"So wet, so ready," he whispered huskily in my ear.

My breaths were shallow and I whimpered. "Edward," I cried.

He slid his finger in and began teasing me, working me into quite the frenzy. I felt my insides coil and my toes started to curl.

His eyes were watching me, waiting for me to fall over the edge. "C'mon, baby, let it go. Give it to me."

I couldn't hold out any longer. My moans were incoherent and I felt myself approaching the tunnel where the lights would shine.

The phone rang.

_What the hell?!_

********

[ Edward ]

She was so gorgeous. Bella was so beautiful that it was painful. Her moans and screams did nothing to help me keep composure as I worked her towards a sweet release.

Then the phone rang.

_What the fuck?!_

Bella and I both froze and looked at each other. "Ignore it," I said, resuming my work on her clit.

Her back arched, and the phone rang again.

She stopped. "Edward, you better answer that."

I groaned. "Bella, just let it go to voicemail. Please, baby." I pouted at her.

She signed and closed her eyes. I smiled, knowing I had won the argument, flicking my thumb over her sensitive skin. I felt her clamp around my fingers and I knew she was close.

The answering machine beeped. "Edward, Bella? It's Carlisle…are you there?"

She groaned, her hands pulling at her hair by her scalp. "You have _got_ to be kidding me."

Fucking cock-blocking father. "If we don't answer, he'll hang up."

"Edward? It's your dad. Listen, I wanted to talk to you about something important."

Bella leaned her head back against the couch, staring up at the ceiling. She was pissed. She had every right to be.

"Edward? Bella? Alright, I'm going to hang up now. Call me, please." The machine clicked.

I kissed Bella's stomach lightly and she pushed my head down lower. I smiled, knowing what she wanted. I let my tongue glide across her folds and a deep moan vibrated her body. Her body was building back up to its release and my hands held her hips still. I looked up and her hands were pulling at her hair, her head thrashing from side to side.

The phone rang…again.

"What the fuck?" I mumbled.

She groaned in frustration. "I just wanna fucking cum—what the hell?!"

I laughed at her and sat up, reaching over to grab the phone. "Hello?"

"Edward, you are there!"

I grit my teeth. "Hey, Dad."

I looked over at Bella and she made the cutting gesture to her throat, telling me to get him off the phone.

"I just called but didn't get an answer. Everything okay?"

"Yes, everything's fine here, Dad. Did you need something?"

"Well, I was just wondering why Emmett showed up at my doorstep last night at 3 a.m. drunker than a skunk?"

I ran my hand over my face. "Emmett stayed at your house last night?"

"Yes. Apparently Rosalie put him in a cab and he wanted to come home to 'Mommy and Daddy.'"  
"Well, Rose kicked him out the other night because he might have done something stupid. So he stayed here, but I guess he didn't exactly feel that welcome here, either."

"Edward, he is your brother…"

"I know, Dad. That's why we took him in. Is he still there?"

"No, he left about 10 minutes ago. I'm assuming he's headed your way since he's not allowed at home?"

I groaned. "Okay, thanks Dad. Look, I've gotta go…"

I heard him chuckle. "Okay, I'm not too old that I can't see when my son's trying to rush me off the phone. Let's have dinner sometime this week and catch up."

"Tomorrow night sound good? Mine and Bella's? 6 pm?"

I swear I could hear his smile growing. "Sounds good. Tell Bella we said hi. Love you, son."

"Love you, too, Dad. Bye."

I hung up the phone and looked back at Bella. "Emmett's on his way."

If steam could come out of her ears like in cartoons, I think it would have at that point.

She pushed me off her and stood up, smoothing her dress. "I'm going to take a shower."

I pulled her by her waist to face me as I placed open-mouthed kisses across her covered belly. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I love you, Bella."

She pushed my face away from her stomach and laughed. "Try explaining that when Emmett gets here. He still thinks we are fighting," she giggled as she pointed to my erection.

I sighed, sitting back on the couch. "When are we gonna tell him it's over?"

She cocked a hand on her hip. "Not yet, Mr. Cullen. We are gonna teach these kids a lesson or two."

I waggled my eyebrows. "Can we play teacher and student when it's over?"

She swatted my shoulder and walked past me towards the stairs. "Behave, Edward."

I sighed, running my hand over my face again. _Behave?_ How was I supposed to behave when she was parading around in that little dress, calling me Mr. Cullen, and indulging me in so many fantasies? Did Bella not understand how lethal she was to my health?

I heard the water begin to run through the pipes and I could only imagine how Bella was beginning to…finish. I groaned again, knowing those thoughts were not going to help me. There was a knock at the door and I went to open it, letting Emmett trail in behind me.

"What's up, little bro?"

"Nothing much. What happened to you last night?"

"I could ask you the same question." Emmett moved towards the kitchen, rifling through the fridge and tossing sandwich supplies on the counter.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

He tossed the bread on the counter and shut the door, grabbing a knife before attacking the mustard jar. He stared at me for a moment. "You look well-rested."

I shrugged. "Alcohol will knock you out into a good night's sleep, too."

He wasn't buying it. "So you slept on the couch last night?"

I paused. Was it okay to lie to your brother if you were planning on teaching him a lesson? I mean, we were grown-up now so it wouldn't be that big of a deal, would it?

Emmett coughed.

I looked at him. "Where were you last night?" I tried to change the subject.

He layered cheese and lunch meat onto his bread. "I stayed at Mom and Dad's," he said in a low voice.

I leaned in closer. "What was that? I didn't quite hear you."

He scrunched his face at me. "I stayed at Mom and Dad's."

"I thought you and Rose were gonna make up?"

He sighed, biting into his sandwich and chewing. "Well, obviously we didn't."

"Why didn't you come back here?"

He took another bite. "I don't know. I was kind of drunk and the next thing I know Dad's carrying me into the house and Mom's running around doing the mom-thing she always does."

I laughed. "So, what are your plans for the day?"

Emmett thought. "Well, I think I'm gonna head back to my house and see if I can convince my woman to take me back. I really miss her. I'm hoping she misses me, too."

I nodded. "Let's hope."

Emmett finished his sandwich and wiped his hands on his pants. "Well, I'm gonna freshen up and then be on my way, little brother. Thanks for all your help and support."

I shrugged. "What were my other options?"

"Exactly," he said as he slipped me a wink and took off out of the kitchen.

I looked out the window at the nice day that was beginning to surface and pulled out some eggs and vegetables, rummaging around for the frying pan. I figured the best way to start making it look like I was gonna make good with Bella was by making her breakfast.

********

[ Bella ]

A nice, long shower was exactly what I needed. The water helped to de-stress the tension that was pent up in my body after a long night of drinking, followed by a hot make-up session, and then a cock-blocking phone call.

"Son of a bitch," I muttered, thinking back to the call. And I didn't even think Carlisle could ever be a true cock-block—he was so attractive he only enhanced my Cullen fantasies.

I let the soap run over my shoulders and down my arms, my loofah scrubbing my skin clean with my body wash. I was lathering up my hair and humming in pleasure when I heard the door to the bathroom open. I paused, trying to decipher the shadow from the shower curtain.

"Edward, I am not in the mood…"

I heard someone gasp, and I peeked out from behind the curtain and shrieked. "Holy shit!"

Emmett stood there, staring at me with a smile on his face, his pants unzipped and open, perched in front of the toilet.

Seeing him there about to whip out his Cullen-family jewels scared me and I slipped on the shower, falling backwards, pulling the curtain along with me. I cursed as it came loose from the rings and blanketed me.

Emmett stepped forward, pulling the curtain. "Bella! I'm so sorry! The toilet downstairs isn't working right and…" I could tell he was trying to hold back a laugh.

I fussed with the curtain as I tried to cover myself. "Emmett, just go! Go away! I am naked under here!"

He guffawed loudly, holding onto his side. "Bella, come on! It's not like I haven't seen you naked before!"

My eyes bugged out of my head. "E-e-excuse me?!"

His eyes dropped to the floor. "Well, I mean, you are like family! And I've seen you in a bathing suit so that's practically naked!"

I huffed, turning off the water that was still spraying me, and looked at him pointedly. "Emmett Cullen, I am going to ask you one time and one time only: When. Did. You. See. Me. Naked?"

He kicked his shoe into the tile, refusing to make eye contact with me.

"Emmett."

"One time while you were staying with Rose and me, your bedroom door may have been slightly open and I may or may not have seen you naked while you were changing."

I pointed to the door. "Get out."

"Bells, let me apologize! It was an accident! And it was no big deal!"

"Out." I pointed again.

He frowned and headed towards the door. "I am sorry, Bells."

He opened the door and walked out, shutting it behind him. I did feel bad for being somewhat harsh, but he had peeped on me changing nude, and now peeing while I was showering? I groaned in frustration.

I stood up, trying to fix the shower curtain when I slipped and fell again. My tailbone was definitely going to be bruised later.

I heard the shuffling of feet on the stairs and then a knock on the bathroom door. "Bella, is everything okay?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm fine, Edward."

"Can I come in?" He asked sweetly.

"Oh, why not?" I grumbled.

He opened the door and came in, his jaw dropping. "What happened? Are you alright? Emmett just hauled ass down the stairs and out the door."

I stood up as he handed me a towel and I wrapped it around me. "Your brother saw me naked."

"Do you think he was traumatized?" He teased.

I stared at him. "Are you saying that my body is traumatizing?"

"Of course not, baby." He pouted.

"Well, apparently he's seen me naked before."

"Excuse me?" he growled protectively, pulling me closer to him.

"Calm down, caveman. I think he's more upset that I yelled at him than anything. It'll be fine...eventually."

"Emmett saw you naked?" He asked again.

I looked up at him. "Yes, disturbing image, I know."

He leaned down and kissed me softly. "Disturbing is not the word I would use."

********

**A/N: hello my ever-so patient and lovely, loyal readers. I am back! Thanks for hanging in there for me, and I hope that this little chapter didn't disappoint! Thanks for the encouragement about my graduation and whatnot!**

**Also, thanks to those of you who voted for me in the "That's Mr. Hot Bitch to You!" contest—I got second place with "The Muffin Man"! If you want some Carlisle and Esme lovin, go check it out!**

**And thanks to my super-amazing-bestfriend/beta, Little Miss Masen.**

**Reviews make my toes tingle…so make my toes tingle? ******


	9. Twinkies & Ding Dongs

**A/N: Another chapter so soon? Well, I am out of school and currently unemployed. So enjoy it while it lasts, loves! Thanks to the beta, Little Miss Masen, and some other awesome gals that I love: Sorceresscirce, KCullen10, Hammondgirl, Ahelm, and Theotherbella!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the stuff that I mention in here (or sadly, the characters).**

********

[ The Right Side of Wrong ] Chapter Nine

[ Edward ]

The next day, I stared down at the grocery list and looked at the shelves of spices in front of me. I was not inept in the kitchen, but the grocery store was another issue altogether. Bella had given me a "small" list, and I found most of the items easily: yellow rice, tortillas, sour cream, and cheese.

"Smoked paprika?" My eyebrows furrowed together. "What the hell," I grumbled.

My cell phone vibrated against my thigh and I fished it out of my pocket. I held it up to my ear. "Jasper," I greeted.

"Edward," he replied, and I could almost feel him nod his head in that southern-gentleman way that always impressed Alice.

'What's happening, man? Are you and Alice coming over for family dinner tonight?"

"You can bet on it. Alice won't stop buzzing about it. Have you and Bella made up yet?"

I sighed. Luckily Jasper was on the phone, so it would be easier to lie. "I think we have some sort of truce for dinner. We'll see how that goes."

"It'll blow over. Alice has been less sneaky lately, so that's a good sign. The girls are winding down."

I chuckled internally. Bella was more wound up than wound down. "Hey, Jasper?"

"Hmm?"

"What is smoked paprika?"

He launched into an informational lecture about the spice, and I cut him off somewhere around 'annum pepper' and 'cerasiforme' something or other. "Jasper? I didn't need to know the origin of it, I just need to know what it looks like at the grocery store."

I could almost feel him blush. He was such a nerd sometimes. "Well, it comes in a bottle and it's a dark red color."

I scanned the shelves, finally locating it. "Aha," I said as I clutched the bottle in my fist.

"Success?" Jasper teased.

"Yes. Thanks, man. I owe you."

I could hear Alice screeching in the background about some floral arrangement.

"No problem. Listen, I gotta go. Alice is…well, we'll see you tonight."

I hung up and pushed the grocery cart down the aisle. As I headed towards the check-out counter, I spotted a display of snacks that I hadn't had in ages: Little Debbie's. A small grin spread across my face as memories of my childhood filtered back to me. Elementary school lunches, family vacations, and the infamous Cullen brother snack-eating contest.

I grabbed two boxes of the value-pack Twinkies and chucked them into the basket, followed by two more boxes of Zebra Cakes, Ding Dongs, and Chocolate Cupcakes.

_Emmett's lesson number one: Don't bite off more than you can chew._

I loaded the food onto the belt and threw a Twix on the belt for Bella, just because I knew she loved them so much.

"Someone likes Little Debbie's," the cashier teased, smiling at me.

I shrugged and pulled my wallet out of my back pocket, flipping it open and pulling out a few 20s. I watched for the total and handed her the amount. She counted back my change, and I stuffed it in my front pocket, wanting to escape her piercing stare.

"Have a nice day," she said sweetly, batting her eyelashes.

I gave her a Jasper-gentlemanly nod and grabbed my bags, heading toward the parking lot. I drove home, jamming out to the oldies radio station. I grabbed the bags and headed inside, whistling to myself. I opened the door and was assaulted with the smells of something sweet. I headed into the kitchen and found Bella bent over the counter, her shoulders flexing as she rolled out a pie crust.

"Mamma mia, here I go again; my my, how can I resist you?" I sang cheekily.

She turned and giggled, shaking her head at me. I put the groceries down on the counter and danced towards her.

"Mamma mia, does it show again? My my, just how much I've missed you," I sang as I snuck up behind her, swaying my hips against her, my lips on her ear.

"Edward," she giggled. "You're distracting me."

"Oh, well I am so very sorry, my love. Would a different song help?"

I felt her shake her head. "No, no, no."

I twirled her around to face me, and in my best impression I began to sing. "I'm slippin' into the lava, and I'm tryin' to keep from goin' underrrr…baby who turned the temperature hotter? Cause I'm burnin' up, burnin' up for you bayyybayyy…." I fanned myself in a mock gesture.

Bella erupted into a fit of giggles, trying to cover her mouth. I kept dancing around her, and she finally joined in, letting me dip her and spin her.

When we stopped, she frowned. "I got flour all over your shirt."

I smirked down at her. "Well, you'll just have to clean me up then, won't you?"

Hey eyes widened a little at my suggestion. "No you don't! I have way too much work to do before your family gets here and I don't need you distracting me with your hands or your lips or…"

"Or?" I questioned.

She fluttered her eyes in frustration. "Now you're doing it again! That, that thing you do! Stop it!" She swatted me playfully and went back to her pie crust. But I wasn't finished.

"I'm sorry if I'm such a distraction to you sometimes," I said softly as my fingers skirted across her hips and up her sides. "But I promise you, my intentions are purely innocent."

Her legs gave way beneath her, but I had her secured against the counter. She tried to keep rolling out the dough and it was so darn cute. I placed my hands on top of hers, my arms covering her, and pushed the rolling pin forward. My lips were tingling against her neck.

"I'm only here to help…assist… you in whatever means you might need."

Her tongue darted out to wet her lips and I knew I had won. I smiled against her neck and placed a soft kiss there. "I love you, Bella."

Her breath was shaky as she responded with a "uh-huh" and a gulp.

I sucked gently on her neck. "We have a few hours before everyone gets here."

She shook her head roughly, regaining composure. "Edward, quit it. Go take a shower or a nap or watch TV or something. If this stuff isn't ready when your family comes, the gig will be up. Now, shoo!" She pushed me backward with her butt, earning a low groan from me.

"God, Bella, you're making me so horny."

She spun around and stared at me, pointing the rolling pin against my chest. "See? You're doing it again! Your voice, those hands, and…Edward!"

I had pushed her against the refrigerator, grinding my hard-on against her. "I can't even go to the grocery store without thinking about you. I'm in my car? It's you. I'm at work? It's you. In my dreams? Always you."

"Edward, I—"

I leaned forward and brushed my nose down her neck. "What, Bella?"

She looked up at me with bold eyes. "I wanna make it good for you."

My body stirred. "Baby, you always make it good for me."

She kissed me softly, running her hand to my jeans button.

_Oh._

********

[ Bella ]

The fire in his eyes was so contagious that even though we didn't have time to be messing around, I still wanted to do it anyway. I popped the button on his jeans and pulled the zipper down. I could feel his breath coming quicker in anticipation. My nails dragged down his sides as I pushed his jeans off his hips. I looked up at him with a quirked eyebrow.

"Commando?"

A smirk spread across his face.

My forefinger trailed down his erection, dragging at the tip. I looked up and Edward's eyes were closed, his mouth hanging slightly open. He looked just like an angel. My angel. My thumb slid over his tip, and I had to hold back a moan as his body jerked towards me.

"Baby," he breathed out.

I smiled up at him. "I know, I know." I moved forward, taking him deep in my mouth. My teeth grazed over the skin and he jerked again. Out of my peripheral vision, I saw his hand tighten around the handle of the fridge.

I kept working him, bobbing up and down as he moaned, grunted, and continued his thrusts, sending him deeper. I could feel he was close, and my fingers curled around his sac, gently teasing.

"B-b-b-Bellaaa," he moaned, his other hand twisting in my hair, a signal he was close.

I increased my efforts to bring him over the edge.

"I'm…it's…Bells you gotta move, baby."

He was trying to warn me to move. He had never let go completely for me when we were like this—he thought it wasn't 'appropriate' or something like that. I think he thought it made me feel dirty.

I wanted it.

"Bella," he panted, trying to push me off him.

But I was determined to make it good for him. And I knew this would make it good.

I sped up, dragging my teeth along his shaft. He was jerking, trying to pull away, and I tucked my hands around his hips, holding him still.

In one split second, he tensed and then released. The sensation and bitterness caught me off-guard, and I almost gagged. But one look up at Edward's face and I knew it was worth it. There was an ecstasy that I hadn't seen before. He panted, smiling at me with wide eyes.

"Bella, you didn't—"

I shook my head, wiping my chin with the back of my hand. "I know. I wanted to." I stood up and he kissed me, tugging me close to his body. "Was it…good?" I asked quietly, looking up at him.

He laughed, pulling me closer and kissing the top of my head. "Oh, baby, it was more than good. It was great, wonderful, amazing. I can't believe you would do that for me."

I smiled at him. "I want you. All of you. Always."

"I love you, Bella."

I grinned and rinsed my hands in the sink and got back to preparing dinner. "You should probably go shower. Your family will be here in," I looked over at the clock. "Three hours."

I heard him pull up his jeans and zip. He leaned over and kissed my cheek. "Yes, Mom."

I rolled my eyes. "No, your mom will be here in three hours wondering why her son smells like spunk. Now go," I teased, nudging him.

"Don't forget to brush your teeth then," he joked before heading up the stairs to the shower.

I thought back to the day before when I was in the shower, and my eyes narrowed. Emmett had seen me naked, and he was most definitely going to pay. I was pretty sure that no one else except Emmett, me, and now Edward, knew about Emmett 'Peeping' Cullen, but that might change after tonight.

I finished with the desserts and began browning some of the meat for tonight's dinner, and diced up tomatoes, lettuce, and cucumbers for a salad. I turned on the television to the Salsa music channel as I prepared a salsa of my own. My hips were swaying to the music as I danced around the kitchen, tossing spoons and bowls into the sink.

I spun around to find Edward in the doorway, arms crossed and his eyebrow quirked. His hair was still damp from his shower, and he was wearing khaki pants and a chocolate brown polo shirt, one side of the collar folded up. I smiled and held up a bottle of tequila.

"Yay or nay—margaritas?"

He thought for a second. "Let's make Bellaritas."

I rolled my eyes. "Edward Cullen the flirt has returned."

"Well then, I'll put him back in the closet and bring out self-loathing and brooding Edward. I mean, that's what everyone's expecting, right? Bella, how are we gonna pull this off?"

I put my hand on my hip. "Well, we'll pretend like we are getting along, but I'll still be stand-offish because I am supposed to be mad at you. We can do this, Edward. We just can't let them catch on. No one will probably notice except for Alice or Rosalie, but we can do this."

He smiled at me, crossing the room as he gathered me in his arms. "I just want you to know how incredibly hard it will be to resist you tonight."

I squirmed against him and laughed. "Stop it. I'm supposed to be terribly mad at you and you aren't helping."

He tightened his grip on me. "What if I don't want to stop?"

"Edward, come on." I gave him a nudge and he released me. I looked over to the groceries that still hadn't been put away and opened up the bag. I narrowed my eyes before pulling out a box. "Care to explain these?"

He looked flustered a little. "Well, when Emmett and I were kids, we'd have Cullen brother eating contests, and the one that I've always beaten him at is the Little Debbie's. I thought it might be fun to school him again in front of everyone tonight…remind him that I'm still the man."

I laughed as I pulled out not one, not two, but eight boxes of treats. "Was all this necessary?"

He nodded. "Oh, yes, very much so. Especially the Twinkies."

I raised an eyebrow. "Why the Twinkies?"

"Because those are my favorite," he smiled like a 6 year-old kid with his front teeth missing.

I nodded. "Well I don't see my favorite."

"Dig a little deeper, baby. I got you a special treat, too."

I looked into the bag and started unloading all the Little Debbie's. And there it was—a Twix. I jumped a little and squealed, snatching the candy bar and holding it up triumphantly.

"Thank you," I said as I stuffed it in the freezer in the back behind the meats.

"Squirreling?" Edward asked amusedly.

"If I don't hide it, Emmett will find it and eat it. Then I'll really have to kill him."

He grabbed my hand, pulling me towards the living room. "We have some time before everyone gets here; let's just watch TV or something." He pulled me down on the couch next to him. I put my feet in his lap and without even asking or hinting, he began to work wonders on my arches and toes. I couldn't keep the moans from bubbling up and my head leaned back against the couch.

_This man was a God._

I could see him trying to hold back a smile as he pretended to be interested on whatever was on television. I stared at the screen for a second before looking over to Edward. "John and Kate Plus Eight? Really?"

He stopped massaging my feet. "It's interesting to see the struggles they face raising so many children."

My jaw almost fell out of place. "Yes, the struggles of living life where everything is donated to you and cameras follow you around and praise you all day. _So_ difficult."

He looked over at me. "No matter what help they get, it still can't be easy. I bet it would be interesting and fun, though."

"To have a reality show? Well I can tell you they'd get high ratings with Emmett around here."

"No, I meant have lots of kids. Don't you think it would be fun?"

I looked over at him. "Why are we talking about this?"

He stared back at me as if it was normal everyday conversation. "Well, we were watching this show and it just came up. Why are you avoiding the question?"

I crossed my arms. "I don't want to talk about this."

"Bella, don't be ridiculous."

I glared at him. "Ridiculous?! Do you want me to show you ridiculous?!"

Edward held his hands up in surrender. "Calm down, Bella. We have to stay focused. Look, we don't have to talk about kids today. I'm sorry I brought it up."

I frowned. "I'm sorry, too. I guess I shouldn't have overreacted."

He opened his arms to me and I slid over to him and lay down against him. His fingers began softly stroking my hair. "You know I love you, even when you overreact, right?"

I nodded, nuzzling my face into his shirt. "And I love you, even when you cause me to overreact."

He pinched my side playfully. "So whatever happens tonight, can we agree that we aren't going to be mad at each other afterwards? That it will all be to teach everyone a lesson about butting into our relationship?"

I pretended to think about it, to which he pinched me again. "Of course, silly. Don't listen to anything I might say tonight."

He kissed my temple. "The best part is that after everyone leaves, you get to be my Bella again."

I wrapped my arms around his sides, enjoying his smell and just being close with him. "Edward?"

"Hmm," he asked, his fingers running through my hair again.

"I do want to have kids…one day. Just not today, or tomorrow."

"With some hunky celebrity guy? Or some male model?"

I shook my head against his chest. "With you," I said softly.

I could almost hear him smiling. "With me," he sighed happily.

I sat up and looked at him. "Does that surprise you?"

His face was…glowing. "It just makes me happy. Wait here for a second."

I sat up and he took off up the stairs and I could hear him rustling around.

_What the hell was up with Edward Cullen?_

He came back downstairs, taking the steps two at a time. He rushed over to me, taking my hands and smiling at me.

"Edward, what's gotten into you?" I laughed. "Your family will be here soon."

He nodded. "I know. Listen, I was going to—" he shook his head of his thoughts. "Never mind, this wasn't how it was---"

I looked down at him. "Edward, what is it?"

He dropped down to one knee and I felt my heart speeding up and my eyes popping out of their sockets. My hands started to feel clammy and I was tempted to pull them out of Edward's grasp.

"Bella, I love you. More than I've ever loved anyone. And I've wanted to do this for a long, long time now, but I was waiting for the 'perfect' moment' and it never came. I'm tired of sneaking phone calls and staying late at work to try to surprise you—and I know you don't like surprises but I wanted to do this the right way." His chest was rising and falling quickly, and his tongue kept darting out to wet his nervous lips.

"Edward…"

"No, let me finish, please. Bella, I love you so much, and I never want to be apart from you. I want to spend my mornings, afternoons, nights, and every time in between then with you. I want to travel the world with you, make babies with you, grow old with you, and enjoy our grandchildren with you. I want it all, always. Isabella Swan, would you do me the highest honor of being my wife?"

He opened the small box to reveal the most beautiful ring I could ever dream of. It was simple—a gold band with a single diamond set in the middle, and two smaller diamonds on either side of it. A tear rolled down my cheek as I looked down at him, patiently waiting for my answer.

I took a deep breath. "Y-y-you want to marry…me?"

He laughed. "Bella, yes of course! You're my every thing—my best friend, my lover--please, be my wife, too."

I nodded. "Yes, yes, a million times yes."

He slid the ring on my finger and then jumped up, pumping his fist in the air. He pulled my into his arms, swinging me around the room. "She loves me! She loves me! She's going to marry me!"

I laughed at him, and looked up to see tears streaming down his face. I brushed a few away with my thumb and he smiled at me. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him softly. "I'm going to marry you."

He held up my newly ringed hand and kissed the stone. "I love you, Bella."

We heard a knock on the door—his family was here.

"I love you, too, Edward. Now let the games begin."

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**A/N: *smiles* I really enjoyed writing this chapter, (especially Cheeseward) and the next one is going to be fun, too. **

**Want to give the lucky couple a congratulatory gift? I heard they like reviews ******


	10. Look Who's Coming to Dinner

**Disclaimer: Although I do own a bottle of Pepto-Bismol and a love of Little Debbie cakes, I sadly do not own the rights to them, or any of the Twilight characters featured. Also, no Emmett's or Edward's were harmed in the making of this chapter.**

**A/N: The response from last chapter was so awesome and overwhelming! We passed 225 reviews! You all loved the Little Debbies *sorry for the mass cravings I invoked* so here they are again! (longer note at bottom)**

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[ Bella ]

My stomach felt like it was flying on a rollercoaster as Edward went to answer the door. _Married! I was going to get married!_

I looked down at the ring and smiled before I pulled it off and went upstairs to the bedroom. I looked around for a second before stuffing it in Edward's underwear drawer—no one, not even Alice, would be willing to go looking in there. I ran my hand through my hair and headed back downstairs.

I walked into the living room to find Carlisle and Esme. Esme smiled warmly when she saw me, and Carlisle nodded in my direction.

"Bella, thank you for having us over—I feel like it's been a while since we've gotten everyone together," Esme remarked as she hugged me gently.

I swayed from foot to foot. "Well, everyone's been so busy lately, and then I was gone, and Edward was gone and all…"

She nodded. I saw Edward and Carlisle go out in the backyard and begin talking. I was concerned what was happening, but decided not to worry. Edward promised we would be okay.

"So how are things with you and Edward?" Esme asked.

I sighed some. "Things are…okay. Lately they've been a little more hectic but I think we'll be able to work through some things eventually."

"Is there anything I might be able to help with?" She was being so nice.

I sighed. "I'm not sure. Can I ask a question?"

"Always."

"What do you do when Carlisle really upsets you? And I mean _really_ upsets you?"

She chuckled. "Did you and Edward have a fight?"

I nodded. "And it got me real worked up."

"Well, when Carlisle and I get in a fight, he usually picks up extra shifts at the hospital. He's an avoider. He'll give us a day or so to cool down and then we'll talk about it. But you should know—Edward is a pusher. He never wants anyone to be mad at him and when they are mad at him, he'll do whatever it takes to win them back. I'm sure you know that by now. I'm not saying you should always forgive him the moment you are fighting, because he's not always right. And you need to stick to your guns. But after a little while, at least let him know that you're upset and why. He's such a sweet boy, Bella. He'd never hurt you intentionally, and he'd spend forever and all the money he has to make it up to you."

My heart melted slightly. "Well, that helps a lot, actually. Thank you."

She patted my arm. "Anytime, dear. I brought a bottle of wine—perhaps we should open it now instead of when the others get here," she joked.

"Not such a bad idea," I smiled, as she followed me into the kitchen. I pulled two wine glasses down, popped the cork, and poured the wine. I handed her a glass just as Edward and his dad walked back inside.

"What—none for us?" Carlisle teased.

I pulled down two more glasses and filled them, handing them to Edward and Carlisle.

"Let's toast," Carlisle suggested.

"What to?" Esme asked.

A small grin grew on Edward's face.

"To love and family," Carlisle said, raising his glass.

"Well, I can toast to that," Esme said, tapping his glass.

Edward and I toasted and sipped the wine. Edward leaned over, kissing my cheek. "I told my Dad our wonderful news."

I smiled slightly and looked down at the ground. I glanced up at Carlisle and he winked, causing me to blush.

Another knock at the door caused me to jump out of my skin. "I'll get it," I said as I scurried to the door. I opened it to find Jasper and Alice with a bouquet of flowers.

"Hi, Bella!" Alice said excitedly, hugging me as she came in and removed her jacket.

Jasper nodded and kissed my cheek softly before handing me the flowers.

I took them and smiled appreciatively. "These aren't from Lucy, are they?" I raised an eyebrow.

Jasper frowned. "Please don't compare me to Emmett, Bella."

Alice rolled her eyes and grabbed my elbow. "Ignore him, he's being moody," she sighed dramatically.

We walked into the living room, where Alice greeted her parents and then looked up at Edward, her hand on her hip. "Hello, brother."

He stared her down. "Mary Alice."

She huffed and pointed a finger at him. "Don't think this is over just because Mom and Dad are here. Sleep with one eye open, Edward."

Jasper walked over to Edward and Alice and touched her shoulder softly, calling her back to her 'happy place.' She smiled gratefully at him, locking her hand with his.

"Dad, how's the hospital? Do you have an open bed for an incoming injury?" she asked slyly.

Edward's eyebrows narrowed and I wanted to comfort him, but I reminded myself I had to stick to the plan.

"Alice," Esme started, the mother in her never letting her guard down.

"Sorry, Mom," she muttered.

Carlisle chuckled. "Come on now, kids, can't we all just get along?"

I laughed. "Not likely," I said. "I'm going to go to the kitchen and finish up the last few things."

"I'll help!" Alice screamed, following behind me.

I took out the sour cream, cheese, lettuce, tomato, salsa and guacamole. I set up a chopping station with a knife and cutting board.

"Alice, can you put the cheese in a bowl and get the chips for the salsa?"

She nodded, opening the cupboard and jumping up to grab a bowl. "So, how are things with you and Edward?"

I sighed. "I'm so tired of all this fighting. It's starting to wear me down."

"Hang tough, Bella. I think the boys are wearing down, too. Emmett was begging Rosalie to take him back yesterday, and Jasper said he thinks Edward's ready to get hair extensions he's so desperate for your forgiveness."

I giggled at the thought of Edward with hair extensions. "Jasper's still on good terms with you?"

She nodded. "Definitely. He knows better than to mess with me."

We worked quietly until I heard Emmett and Rosalie come in.

She groaned as she walked into the kitchen. "That man will drive me to drink! Please tell me you have some booze around here!"

I laughed. "In the fridge, Rose."

She opened the door and smiled. "Praise the Lord—tequila!"

Alice squealed. "Oh, let's make margaritas!"

Rose began to work on the drinks while we finished up dinner preparations.

"So how did things with Emmett go? He didn't come back here last night," I mentioned, trying not to stir things up too much.

Rose groaned again. "He begged for a really long time. After a while I just wanted him to shut up so I let him back in—but he has to sleep in the guest bedroom. I might have forgiven him for being stupid, but I haven't forgiven him about the flower lady just yet. I'll make him stew for a little while longer."

I shook my head. "Well thank God he's not staying here any longer. He only egged Edward on."

Rose laughed. "Those two are idiots when you combine them. But, I don't know who's worse—Emmett for his scheming, or Edward for going along with him!"

"At least Jasper's smart enough to stay out of it," Alice added.

"It's because he's not a Cullen," I joked, and the girls laughed.

Edward walked in. "Hello, Rosalie," he said nicely.

She rolled her eyes and handed him a tray of margaritas. "Pass these out, Edward."

He smiled at her, before replying sarcastically. "Of course, I live to serve."

I pulled out plates and silverware and began to set the table. The girls helped me out and we were done in no time. Alice called everyone in to the dining room and took a seat.

Carlisle smiled—the true patriarch of the clan. "Well, I'm glad we could all get together tonight. It really means a lot to your Mother and me."

"Let's dig in!" Emmett announced, reaching for the rice.

Rosalie slapped his hand. "Now I know your mom taught you better than that."

I looked over at Esme who was trying to hold back a laugh. She looked at Emmett and nodded.

He pouted, putting his hands in his lap. "Sorry," he mumbled.

Carlisle bit back a smile, raising his hands and announcing, "Let's eat!"

I kept my hands in my lap, in fear of a free-for-all as the boys reached across the table to grab what they wanted the most. Esme coughed lightly and they stopped, dropping the serving utensils and reaching for the bowls.

Edward passed me the plate of tortilla shells. I smiled politely at him and took one, passing it down the table. I filled the tortilla with some steak and grilled vegetables, and was about to add some salsa when I felt a small squeeze on my thigh. I looked down and Edward's hand was waiting patiently, palm up. I gave him a "knock it off" look, but squeezed his hand quickly before returning to my fajita. I smiled at him from the corner of my eye and he winked.

"Oh this is real good, Bella," Jasper commented, scooping another large pile of rice on his plate.

Esme nodded in agreement.

"Thank you," I said, blushing slightly.

I chanced a look over at Emmett and caught sight of him stuffing a fajita in his mouth. Rosalie cringed, trying to pull it away from his mouth.

I giggled, rice spilling out of my fajita and into my lap. I looked down and went to pick it up when I saw Edwards hand skirt across my lap and brush the rice crumbs onto the floor. His index finger ran across the top of my hand, stroking gently at my ring finger, where only a little while earlier my engagement ring had been.

I looked up at him and couldn't help but smile. _This plan is so fucked it's not even funny,_ I thought to myself.

"So, Edward, how was your business trip? Where did you go again?" Carlisle asked, always the family "historian" trying to keep up with the kids.

Edward wiped his face with a napkin. "I went to Austin, Texas. There were some executives that wanted to meet to discuss the company's future—and as financial planner, they wanted some input from me."

Carlisle nodded proudly.

Rosalie groaned. "Emmett, why couldn't you go into financial planning?"

He shrugged. "Owning an e-business is just as awesome."

She pushed her food around on her plate. "Maybe you should look into flowers or something."

He looked over at her with narrowed eyes, but then softened. "It's a possibility."

Alice looked over at me and smiled encouragingly. "Esme, how's the remodel coming along?"

Her eyes glittered with excitement. "Oh it's just wonderful! You girls have got to come over and take a look at the progress! It's unbelievable! It seems like one day I was just starting, and now it's almost finished!"

My jaw dropped slightly. "With the entire guest house?"

"Yes! They are coming to do the hardwood floors tomorrow and just finished up painting two days ago. The banana yellow color you helped pick out was absolutely beautiful, Alice."

"Well I can't wait to see it, Esme," I said softly.

"I brought some pictures to show you after dinner, if you'd like to see them."

I nodded and Alice squealed in excitement.

The rest of dinner went by peacefully, and the guys cleared the dishes while Esme showed up pictures of the renovations. We ohh'd and aah'd appropriately, talking about what kinds of furniture and paintings should go in which room.

"AHA!" we heard loudly from the kitchen.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Oh, here we go again."

"Do I even want to know?" I asked, rubbing my face with the heels of my hands.

Esme patted my leg gently. "Don't worry dear, I'm sure Carlisle has everything under control."

I heard arguing mixed with Carlisle's interjections of "boys, settle down" and "behave like men" which obviously was not happening.

Emmett came busting out of the kitchen, a box of Ding-Dongs in his hand. "Ladies, the Cullen Brothers Eating Contest has been called for re-match!"

"Oh why me?" I asked, leaning forward to put my head between my knees. "Why can't my boyfriend be normal?"

Alice chuckled. "Come on, Bella, this is fun! Wait till you see the faces they make when they try to catch their second wind."

Esme clicked her tongue. "Well, it has been a while since they've last competed—I wonder if Edward can still hold his own."

I looked up at her, shocked. "You condone this?!"

"Well, as a mother you have to understand, it was either condone this or condone illegal drinking, drug use, wild sex…this was the safest option for me."

I groaned. "I cannot even believe this was true. I thought Edward was making up some wild story to legitimize his rash purchase of Little Debbies."

"Oh, no, Bella. Just you wait for the theatrics that are about to occur," Rosalie said, walking over to the dining room table.

Edward came waltzing out of the kitchen, his arms loaded down with boxes of Twinkies, Ding-Dongs, Zebra Cakes, and Chocolate Cupcakes. He dropped them on the table, divvying up two piles: one of Twinkies and Chocolate Cupcakes, the other with Ding-Dongs and Zebra Cakes.

I walked over, grabbing onto a chair back for support. Carlisle walked in, shining his watch with his shirt sleeve. Emmett was cracking his knuckles and stretching his arms, bouncing around like Rocky Balboa.

"For someone who's never won one of these, you sure act pretty confidant," Jasper said as he came in with two pitchers of water and two glasses.

Emmett glared at Jasper. "I had a stomach virus the last time we did this—I cannot be faulted!"

"You keep telling yourself that," Edward said smugly, taking off his belt and unbuttoning his khaki pants. He pulled out a chair and sat down, hands resting clasped together on the table.

Emmett took a deep breath before taking his own seat at the table across from Edward. They eyed each other warily.

"Alright, let's review the rules. No punching, kicking, knocking over waters. No name-calling, food-spitting, or other forms of harassment. If you vomit, you forfeit. The first Cullen Brother to finish his pile of Little Debbies will be declared the winner. I want a fair, clean fight. Can we agree?" Carlisle asked, a hint of excitement on his face.

He looked to both boys, who nodded.

"Wow, I didn't realize it was this intense," I whispered to Alice.

She giggled. "Those rules have been amended _many_ times, adding things as they get older."

"Are we allowed to cheer?"

"Oh, yes! But watch out for Mom—she loves Emmett and wants him to win, but Edward is the baby, and she _always_ roots for the baby."

"Have you ever participated?" I asked her.

She laughed. "I tried to once, but think about it—could you go head-to-head with Emmett in a snack cake eating contest?"

I shook my head. "No way, he is a beast! But how does Edward always win?"

She leaned in close to whisper. "Edward focuses—he lets Emmett think he's winning, and Emmett gets cocky; when he gets close to being full, Edward blows him out of the water. The boy's got some serious talent."

"C'mon, Edward! Keep your title!" Esme cheered, and Edward winked at his mom.

"Alright on the count of three," Carlisle started. "One, two...three! Go! Go! Go!"

And just like that, the Cullen Brothers eating contest had begun. Emmett attacked the box of Ding-Dongs, ripping the cardboard to shreds, busting a wrapper open and shoving a Ding-Dong in his mouth. Edward opened his box of Chocolate Cupcakes, popping them out of the plastic holder and biting into the first one, chewing slowly.

"That's it, Emmett! Keep it up!" Rosalie cheered.

"Edward, go faster, man!" Jasper called, his hands clenching and unclenching in anticipation.

But Edward just took his time, and Emmett kept shoveling, already having destroyed three Ding-Dongs by the time Edward had finished one and a half cupcakes.

"Edward likes to tease Emmett," Alice reminded me, holding my hand tightly.

I nodded. "Why don't they let Jasper play?"

"Oh, he doesn't like the stomach ache afterwards. He tried once after we were married but, it wasn't pretty."

"How did I not know about this? Edward and I have been together for years now!"

"Well, you see…"

"Edward, get a move on! Finish that cupcake and stop teasing Emmett!" Jasper was all riled up now, his face starting to turn colors. Everyone was really getting into it.

Alice squeezed Jasper's arm, bringing him down a notch, before turning back to me. "Well, it doesn't happen all the time—usually the guys get into some kind of tiff and they think they can settle it with Ho-Ho's and Yodels; my guess is that Edward's had enough of Emmett's shenanigans about winning the fight that he's trying to shut him up with the contest."

I looked over at the boys again. Emmett was almost through his first box of Ding-Dongs and had moved on to a box of Zebra Cakes. Edward was almost through his box of Chocolate Cupcakes, but had stopped to take a drink of water and a breather.

"Edward, really? Are you going to go about this leisurely?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow at him.

He winked at me before peeling off the plastic wrapper on his chocolate cupcakes, pulling one out and licking the icing with his tongue. Alice looked over at me and giggled.

"Tease," she whispered. "See? He will do anything to win you back."

After his little show with the cupcake, Edward began to pick up speed, biting and chewing faster than he had before. He was half-way through his second box of cupcakes while Emmett was pausing, his chest heaving, a sign he was getting tired.

"Emmett Cullen don't you dare stop now!" Rosalie barked, rubbing his shoulders.

Carlisle remained neutral throughout the whole thing, a great referee. Esme, however, had gotten even worse, egging them both on.

"Emmett, I have seen you eat more than that on many a Thanksgiving so suck it up and eat those cakes!" She was pumping her fist in the air.

I looked over at Alice and we both erupted into giggles.

"You don't get as involved in it?"

She shrugged. "It's not as funny as it was when we were kids. They can eat more now, and Emmett always pukes and it's not really a pleasant experience."

I cringed. "Well I hope he knows when to stop."

"Oh, he doesn't," Alice giggled. "That's what still makes it enjoyable—watching Edward defeat him…plus Rosalie gets pissed. It's just funny."

I looked back at the table to see Edward had moved on to his favorite—the Twinkies. Emmett was pushing through his second box of Ding-Dongs, gaining some speed. Jasper, Rosalie, and Esme were all cheering, and I could see Alice trying to predict a winner in her head.

"Edward, come on, you can do it!" I encouraged. I figured at least in this scenario, even if everyone thought we were fighting, it would still be acceptable to cheer for him.

"That's it, Edward! Keep moving! You're gaining on him!" Jasper was shouting, shifting from foot to foot in excitement.

"Aw, what the hell, come on Emmett! At least put up a good fight!" Alice cheered.

My heart was racing in anticipation of who would win. Emmett was getting frantic, ripping through the plastic with his teeth and almost sucking down the cakes whole. He stopped to chug a glass of water, which Rosalie refilled for him afterwards. I felt bad for not being a doting girl-friend/secret fiancé, but I was slightly disgusted with the fact that Edward had already eating almost two dozen cupcakes and about eight Twinkies.

Esme had taken over my duties as head cheerleader and was pouring a glass for Edward, offering him a napkin and being a doting mother. I smiled at her participation and excitement in the whole ordeal—Edward's parents were actually really "cool" considering other parents that were out there. I felt that both boys were really lucky to have a great set of parents.

Edward had finished his first box of Twinkies and was on to the last box. Emmett had caught up and was on his last box of Zebra Cakes as well. He was breathing heavy and I think he was sweating. Edward looked a little worse for wear at this point, elbows now on the table and leaning forward towards the box.

"Emmett if you win, I promise that you won't have to sleep in the guest room anymore," Rosalie bribed, wiping his forehead with a napkin. "You'd like that, wouldn't you baby? Just win this shit and get it over with."

I laughed at her. Jasper was rounding the table, trying to get a better look at the situation. I saw him conversing with Carlisle but couldn't hear what they were saying.

"They are so scientific about all this," Alice mumbled. "I bet you Jasper and Dad are talking about the size of the cakes, trying to make sure the contest is evenly matched, since Edward bought the cakes and not Dad this time."

I rolled my eyes. "It's a sad, sad day when a man is judged not by his character, but by his ability to buy snack cakes."

"Good thing Edward's not sleeping in your bed tonight, Bells, because he's going to be whining and moaning all night long. You might wanna send him home with Mom."

I chuckled. "He better not get sick anywhere in this house or I will lose my cool. Get it, Edward! Attack that Twinkie!" I encouraged as he bit off half a Twinkie and shoved it into his mouth.

Emmett had found renewed strength, shoving cakes into his mouth without even chewing. Rosalie was cooing in his ear, most likely promising him dirty things if he won.

It came close—Edward was down to his last two Twinkies and Emmett had 3 Zebra Cakes left. They were both slowing, stopping to take small sips of water. As Edward started his second to last Twinkie, Emmett shoved an entire cake in his mouth, coughing as some of it went down the wrong hole. This gave Edward the advantage he needed, and he polished off the one and a half Twinkies, slamming his fists down on the table when he was done.

Jasper and Esme erupted into cheers, Carlisle raising Edward's arm in victory. Emmett slumped forward on the table and Rosalie crossed her arms over her chest, glaring over at Edward.

Alice and I both clapped, congratulating Edward. Alice walked over to Emmett and slapped him softly on his shoulder. "That will teach you for messing with Edward and Bella's problems."

I laughed at Alice. If only she knew that her lesson was coming up as well.

********

[ Edward ]

Most of the contest was a blur to me as I tried to focus on the cakes alone. I could hear people cheering, but I wasn't quite sure who they were cheering for. My stomach was bloated and painfully stretched, my khakis about to explode like Violet in _Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory_. My mom gave me a hug and I groaned.

"Oh, sorry, sweetheart, I forgot you're probably full."

"Yeah, it's okay, Mom. Thanks for cheering me on. You're the best."

She beamed at me. "Well, you remain undefeated."

Jasper clapped me on the shoulder. "Well done, man. Well played."

I nodded and looked over at Bella. She looked like a mixture of grossed out and proud. She walked over to me and hugged me quickly, trying to make it look like we weren't back together. My lips brushed gently across the side of her cheek and she swatted me. I smirked, wiping some cake crumbs off her cheek with my thumb that must have been on my face.

"Oops, sorry, love."

She shook her head before walking into the kitchen and coming back out with a bucket, slamming it down next to Emmett. "Don't get a mess on my carpet."

Rosalie rubbed his back. "I told you not to eat too much at dinner. But you never listen to me, do you? Let's go home, Emmett. We'll get you some Pepto-Bismol and you can sleep it off in the guest room."

Emmett stood up, holding his stomach. "Rosie," he whined.

She held up a finger. "End of discussion."

I started feeling woozy as I stood up, and had to grab the chair for support. "Oh, shit."

"Edward, are you okay?" my mom asked. "You don't look so great."

"I don't feel so great," I moaned, closing my eyes.

"Sit back down, honey. Drink some water. I'll get you some medicine."

Bella came and sat down next to me. "Are you going to be sick?"

"I don't know," I whined sadly. Esme returned, handing me some medicine and I swallowed it down, grimacing at the sour taste. I laid my head down on the table.

"We're going home man. Good round," Emmett called. I sat up, shook his hand, and immediately laid my head back down.

"Edward, you should go home with your mom and let her take care of you," Bella said quietly next to me.

"What? Are you out of your mind?" I asked her.

"Excuse me?" she retorted.

"I just want to lie down and go to bed, not ride over to my parents' house."

"Edward, calm down. I just know your mom could take better care of you then I could."

I looked at her like she had five heads. "So you're saying you don't want to take care of me?"

"That's not what I am saying at all. I just think…"

"What? What do you think Bella?"

She stood up. "I think you need to not stay here tonight. I'll go pack you a bag." She walked off towards our room and I groaned against the table. _Fuck, fuck, fuck._

"Edward, stop swearing," my mom chided.

Did I say that out loud?

"You're coming home with us and tomorrow you and Bella can talk and work everything out."

Bella came back down, dropping a small duffle bag at the foot of the stairs. "I packed you enough clothes for a few days. I can't be around you right now. Go."

I heard Alice gasp, and Jasper coughed. "Let's go, Alice." I heard them say goodnight to my parents and Bella before leaving. The door shut behind them and I heard my father exhale loudly.

"Well son, you about ready to hit the road?"

Esme sighed. "Carlisle, don't you think we should give Edward and Bella a moment alone to talk?"

"Oh, right. Let's go wait in the car. Edward, come out when you're ready."

I nodded, my head still on the table, surrounded by a graveyard of plastic wrappers. I heard them walk out and shut the door as well before I lifted my head and looked over at Bella.

She flung herself across the room at me, wrapping her arms around my neck. "I'm sorry, I am so, so sorry. I didn't mean it—any of it. I was just sticking with the plan, Edward you have to know—"

I looked up at her and gave her a smile. "I know, baby. I'm not going to hold it against you. We knew it would have to be like this in order to get Alice back."

She nodded before kissing my temple. "I love you."

"I love you, too," I whispered softly before kissing her. "You don't know how hard it was for me tonight."

"I think I have some idea," she said.

I shook my head. "Bella, I've wanted to marry you since the moment I practically met you. Not being able to touch you and kiss you, knowing that you've agreed to be my wife? It was terrible."

"What did Carlisle say when you told him?" She asked.

I grinned. "He was so excited. I think he might have been more excited than me, and that's saying something."

She smiled. "Good—but you should probably go rest now. I'll see you tomorrow. Come over early if you're up to it and we can have breakfast."

"Please, don't mention food around me right now," I moaned.

"I'm very sorry, I hope you can forgive me," she teased.

"Oh I think I can figure something out. I'll see you early in the morning, baby."

She walked me to the door and handed me the overnight bag. "I left you a surprise. Good night, Edward."

I kissed her softly before opening the door. "Good night, love."

********

**A/N: Ok, one housekeeping note to mention: Some of you have seen, others have not: I have posted an outtake from this story under "The Wrong Side of Right" and will continue to post some more outtakes/extras, especially ones that you guys said you wanted. So let me know what you're interested in and from who's POV and I will see what I can work out, okay?**

**Secondly, the Indie Awards and the Bellies are coming up—be a good reader/reviewer and vote for the fics you love.**

**Thirdly, thanks to the beta, Little Miss Masen, and the MoW gals.**

**Fourthly, what was Bella's surprise? Tons of reviews might make me write faster *waggles eyebrows***


	11. Surprise, Surprise

**Disclaimer: I may not own Twilight or its characters, but I do own a picture of me with Peter Facinelli and Billy Burke, the two hottest Dads—ever.**

**A/N: lovely readers! I have returned from the land of Atlanta, where I attended Twi-Tour. It was awesome! But then I came home and got a severe, nasty outer ear infection, which had me writhing in pain like someone had released Jane on me. Not good. But I'm feeling better, so I wanted to update.**

**This chapter is all Edward's Point of View, since he was being Chatty-Cathy when I wrote this. A little bit of lime in there for those of you who are wearing smut-goggles.**

********

[Edward]

I took the bag from Bella's hands and shut the door behind me, waddling towards my parents' Mercedes. I opened the door to the backseat, chucked the bag in, and lugged myself behind it. I strapped the seatbelt on with some difficulty and a few grunts.

Mom turned around and frowned at me. "I'm sorry you don't feel well, and I'm sorry you and Bella got into a fight."

Dad chuckled, and Mom looked over and glared. "What is funny about this?"

He glanced back at me in the rearview mirror, and I nodded, rubbing my stomach in slow circles. "Mom, I have something to tell you, but you have to promise you won't get mad."

I saw her calculating possibilities in her mind as her eyes narrowed before softening again. "Alright, go ahead. Shock me."

"Bella and I aren't fighting. Well, not fighting anymore, I should say."

She raised an eyebrow. "Go on."

Dad turned a corner and I groaned as my stomach flopped with the car. "Sorry, son," he said quietly.

I nodded, running my other hand across my face. "Well, Mom, it all started last week when Emmett, Rose, Alice, Jasper and I were watching television. Emmett started mumbling something about one of the characters being 'whipped' and then started saying that I was 'whipped' by Bella. I tried to argue against him but…"

"I feel a bet coming on," she said lowly.

"Yep—Emmett bet me fifty bucks that I wouldn't go out and shave my head. I told him I wasn't going to do that because it wouldn't look professional on me, so then he agreed to pay me fifty bucks if I cut my hair real short. So when I went out to pick up the pizza, they said I had to wait twenty minutes. Well, the salon was right next door, so I just figured I would do it. I mean, my hair's unruly, so maybe it would look better if it was shorter, right?"

She laughed. "Well, it does look a bit shinier now that you mention it."

I took a deep breath, a wave of nausea coming over me. "Well, after I got the haircut, I started to drive home, excited for my big reveal. When I got there, Bella had just gotten home and was apparently upset because Emmet found some of her home movies from when she was a kid. She turned around and saw me and…"

"Freaked out?" she offered.

"Boy did she ever! I have never seen her that mad, Mom! Well, maybe once or twice when Emmett did something stupid, but never that mad at me. She wouldn't talk to me—she kicked me out of the bedroom."

My Dad chuckled, before coughing to cover it up.

"So the guys tried helping me win her back. We tried breakfast in bed, flowers, candy, serenading, none of it worked. It seemed Alice and Rose, 'Hell's Angels', were plotting against us the whole time."

"But you said you aren't fighting anymore?" Mom asked as we pulled into the garage at their house. I got out, grabbed my bag and lugged it inside. "You can stay in the downstairs guest room tonight if you want, Edward, so you don't have to climb the stairs to your room."

I nodded, throwing my bag in the corner and walking back out into the living room. I plopped on the couch and Mom had brought me out a glass of ginger ale.

"It'll help settle your stomach. Now tell me what happened next." She sat down next to me, running her fingers through my short hair, calming me.

"Well, to make a long story short, after a long argument, Bella and I made up."

"Sounds lovely, but where is the 'Mom, don't get mad part?' at exactly?"

Dad walked in, taking my mom's hand in his and she smiled. "Edward has some fabulous news!"

She stared at me. "Tell me I'm not gonna come across this room and beat your behind in about three seconds."

I laughed. "Mom, I asked Bella to marry me—and she said yes!"

I love my mother, but the shriek that came out of her mouth was nothing ladylike at all. I thought her smile was going to engulf her whole face as she flung her arms around me and starting crying.

"Oh, Edward that is wonderful! Just wonderful! Why didn't you tell everyone at dinner?!"

"See, this is where I don't want you to get mad…"

She looked over at Dad and her smile shrank. "You already knew."

He nodded, kissing her hand. "I'm sorry, but let Edward explain."

"Since Emmett and Alice basically spearheaded the 'boys versus girls' attack, Bella and I decided to get even with them for being so cruel. So at dinner, I staged the eating contest, and so we hid the engagement because it will really upset Alice when she finds out we didn't tell her. So, we couldn't tell you, Mom, because you would be such a give-away."

She mocked offense. "Edward Anthony Cullen!"

Dad laughed. "It's true, my charming wife. You would have been glowing and Alice would know."

"I guess you're right. I'm not _too_ mad, since I still got to find out before everyone else. Has Bella told her parents?"

I shook my head. "She agreed to marry me just before you came over."

She smiled, kissing my cheek. "My baby boy is all grown up now. You've moved out, you're getting married," she squealed with excitement, "and think of the gorgeous grandbabies I'll have to smother with love!"

"Mom, you have two other children to push grandbabies on, don't freak Bella out."

She beamed at me. "Oh, Edward, I know, but your babies will be the cutest by far. I love your brother and sister dearly, as well as Rosalie and Jasper, but you are the most beautiful of the three."

I blushed and Dad coughed. "Come now, Esme, you don't need to blow up his ego any larger than it is. It's late, let's go to bed. Edward, I have to work in the morning, but feel free to take the extra car if you need to leave and I'm gone."

I nodded. "Thanks, Dad, but if you could give me a ride in the morning, that would be great. I don't care if it's early—I just want to get back to Bella as soon as possible."

He winked knowingly. "Alright, son. We're leaving at 5:30 a.m. and I don't want to have to drag you out of bed."

I kissed my mother and said goodnight to them before heading to the guest room. I wanted to call Bella and tell her all about my mother's excitement, and to warn her about the baby situation. I pulled my khaki pants off with a relieving sigh, changing into some baggy sweatpants and a clean t-shirt. As I was rifling through the bag, an envelope fell out and onto the ground. I picked it up and inspected it. My name was written on the front, in Bella's hand writing. Creepily, I sniffed the envelope, and sure enough, she had sprayed it with her perfume. I smiled and flicked the envelope open, running my finger under the fold. I pulled out the card, which was blank on the front except for the words 'Open me slowly' written in her scratchy penmanship.

I gasped out loud and almost dropped the card when I opened it up. I pulled out the picture that was sitting inside it—Bella was straddling the edge of the bathtub wearing a pale grey night dress that was almost entirely see-through. Her hair was piled up on top of her head and one hand was in the tub, playing with the water. She was staring directly at the camera with the most innocent yet seductive face I had ever seen. At first I was angry—who could have taken this picture of her? Who saw her all sexy? But I calmed down as I realized it had to have been Rose or Alice.

I pulled the picture out, and underneath it, on the card was written, "Call me."

I plucked my thumb in my mouth, nibbling on the end with excitement. I wanted to rush into my parents' room and demand they take me home so I could enjoy my new fiancées amazingly glorious body. But it was late, and my stomach was still sore. I groaned, lying on the bed, staring at the picture. She was so beautiful, and this picture just re-iterated that fact. My hand began rubbing soft circles against my lower stomach, attempting to settle it. After staring for a while, and building an inappropriately large hard-on from a picture of my girl, I picked up my cell phone.

It rang once. "Edward," she breathed my name happily.

A smile crept up on my face. "Hey, baby."

"How are you feeling?" she asked, and I could hear clanking in the background. I hoped she wasn't cleaning up the dinner mess by herself. I started feeling guilty.

"A little better. You aren't cleaning up that whole mess by yourself are you?"

I heard her laugh. "No, silly man. I left some of it for you tomorrow. I'm just putting some dishes in the dishwasher."

"Oh, okay. I should have stayed and helped—"

"No, Edward. You needed to rest before you puked all over. I couldn't handle that."

I sighed. "I miss you."

I could almost feel her eyes roll. "You'll be home in a few hours."

"I want to come home now," I whined.

"Oh? And why is that?"

"Because I miss my startling and breathtakingly beautiful, charming, and sexy as hell fiancée," I said, situating myself more comfortably in the bed.

"Did you happen to find your surprise?" She asked. I heard a loud bang followed by Bella grumbling "fucking stairs."

"I did. Are you okay? Do I need to come home and take care of you?"

"Stop asking me that! I'm fine! I just tripped on the stair at the top of the staircase." I heard our bedroom door open and shut. She was getting ready to sleep.

"Remind me to have Emmett look at it sometime much, much later. Or I could pay someone to come take a look at it."

"So, what'd you think of your card?" She asked in a hushed voice.

I let out a low moan. "Baby, it was the sexiest thing I have ever seen. When did you take that?"

"Well, Rose took them while you were gone in Texas. She's been taking a photography class, and I volunteered to be one of her subjects."

I growled. "I don't want anyone else seeing those photos."

"Yes, caveman. We figured that. That's why she just used me to get used to her camera. Calm down."

I purred at her. "I love it when you call me names."

"Edward," she said awkwardly, "where are your parents?"

"Upstairs asleep. Or doing something I don't ever want a visual to."

She giggled. "Are you in the guest room?"

"Yeah, I couldn't climb the stairs—I was feeling too fat."

"So, what are you wearing?" She asked curiously.

My heart stopped beating and my dick jumped up to say 'hello, Edward's hand!' Although the question was innocent, my thoughts and hopes were not. My voice dropped an octave and became husky. "Sweatpants and a t-shirt."

"Edward, what—"she started to ask before she figured it out. "Ooh…"

"What are you wearing?"

"Um, those peach boy shorts and matching tank top that you gave me for Valentine's Day last year," she said slowly.

I was almost panting at the visual she was creating—Bella, nearly naked, laying in our bed, twirling her hair around her finger, rubbing one leg against the other, while talking on the phone. _How high school of her._ My erection swelled painfully. "Ooh, I do love that set, baby."

"It's so hot in here, though," she whined.

I wet my lips. "Perhaps you should take your top off, then. It might make you feel cooler."

"Okay, hold on a second."

"No, Bella, put me on speaker. I don't want to miss anything."

I heard her click some buttons on the phone before hearing her again. "Alright, I'm taking it off…very slowly."

My heart began beating as fast as a hummingbird's wings. In my head I could picture her peeling it off her creamy skin. My hand began trailing down my stomach.

"Edward, what are you doing?"

"Oh, god, baby, I'm sitting here, picturing you getting naked."

"Why don't you take your shirt off, too? I just love the way your muscles tighten when I run my fingertips across them."

I shuddered, sitting up and quickly pulling my shirt off my body.

"Mmm, if I were there right now I'd be kissing down that gorgeous chest of yours. I'd really want to get to the best part, though. But your sweatpants are in the way, baby. I need you to take them off."

So swift I even shocked the shit out of myself, I had my sweatpants off and in a pile somewhere I didn't care about right that second. "They're off," I proclaimed breathlessly.

"Mmm, good job, speedy. Now take that marvelous cock in your hands for me, give it a good stroke, just the way you like," she said devilishly. Wherever this Bella came from, she didn't need to hide in the closet anymore. I let my hand slide down, grasping my erection firmly, and giving a long tug. A low moan erupted from deep in my chest.

"Baby, get those gorgeous fingers in between your thighs. That's my favorite place and I just know you're wet for me already, aren't you?"

She was panting into the phone quite heavily. "Yes, so wet, so ready. Edward, just, oh, tell me you're stroking yourself."

"I am, baby, just like you do." My hips started lifting off the bed, building a rhythm. My eyes were squeezed shut, picturing Bella in the room in front of me. "God, you feel so fucking good."

She moaned. "It's like you're right here, baby. Oh, yeah, just like that."

I continued a slow and steady pattern, attempting to draw this out. "Bella, take my fingers inside you. I'm right there, baby, and you feel so tight."

"Ed—"she cried out, hitting a sweet spot.

"That's right, keep it just like that." My hand moved faster, sweeping over the tip and sending shivers down my spine. I let out a low 'fuck' under my breath.

I heard rustling near the phone, and imagined Bella was grabbing at the sheets, writhing on the comforter. "C'mon baby, give in to me. Give me what I want," I urged.

"It's so…Edward, I—"

"Flick your clit, Bella. Send yourself over—let me send you over."

Seconds later she was calling my name and moaning. With a few jerks of my own hand, I was coming with a strangled cry. I lay back against the bed, trying to catch my breath.

We lay in silence for a minute or two. "Edward?" she asked.

"Yes, baby?"

"That was…well, fucking fantastic."

I laughed along with her. "Tell me about it."

"I'm so excited to marry you," she giggled, and I could tell she was snuggling under the covers.

"Me, too," I said as I got up and washed my hands in the guest bedroom, slipping my sweatpants back on. "You'll really be mine, then."

"I'm yours now."

"No, but, you'll be more than my best friend or my lover—you'll be my _wife_."

"Well, when you put it like that, it sounds like you're getting quite the deal there, Mr. Cullen," she teased.

I lay back in bed, staring at the ceiling. "Well, I do consider myself to be a very blessed man."

She sighed. "Should I tell Alice I don't want to wear white?"

I laughed, "Do you really want to tell Alice you don't want to wear white?"

"No, I just wanted to see if her head would spin around like that girl in _The Exorcist_ movie."

"Oh, well if that's all you wanted to do, just tell her that we eloped," I chuckled.

"I wish you were here right now," she said sadly.

I looked at my watch—it was only a little after 11. "I can come home, baby. We can snuggle all night if you want."

"No, you don't have to do that." She sounded so sad, like a little girl.

"I can borrow my dad's extra car, it's really no trouble."

"But your stomach hurts, you shouldn't drive…"

"Bella, when have you known me to not give you something that you wanted?"

"Edward, please don't worry about it," she sighed. "I was just being emotional."

I thought back to the busy day we had, and the importance of it—we got engaged today. Bella had agreed to spend her whole life with me today. And I was at my parents' house jacking off on the phone?

"No, you weren't. It's a valid request." I threw on a button down shirt, my fingers nimbly working the buttons into their respective loops. "I'm coming home, end of discussion. We got engaged today, we should be together celebrating."

"Really? You're coming home?" she asked with a hint of excitement.

I smiled. "Yes, love. But stay in bed, alright? I'll be there in about fifteen minutes."

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you, too," I said as I hung up the phone. I threw the rest of my clothes in my duffle bag and was heading into the living room to find the spare keys when I jumped at the sight of my dad.

"Leaving so soon?" He asked with a twinkle in his eye.

"Uh, yeah. Bella really misses me, and I figure, we got engaged today so we should at least be together."

He nodded warmly. "Well let me throw some shoes on and I'll drop you off."

"Dad, you don't have to do that."

He laughed. "I know, but can't a father want some quality time with his son?"

"Yes, but you have to work tomorrow. It'll be alright, Dad. Let's do lunch this weekend, just me and you, and maybe Emmett. It'll be a good bonding event."

He thought for a minute before nodding in agreement. "Alright, but only because I know you're eager to get back to Bella."

I hugged him, grabbing the spare keys off the hook. "Thanks, Dad. I love you."

"I love you, too, son. Now go home and take care of my daughter."

I smiled brightly as I headed towards the old BMW. I slid in easily, and the car purred to life. I drove safely, but quickly, towards home. I sighed happily as I pulled into the driveway, grabbing my bag and making my way into the house. I tossed the keys on the small table and toed off my shoes. I dropped the duffle bag in the living room and crept up the stairs in case Bella was already asleep. I peeked into the bedroom and saw her, sleeping like an angel. Her body rose and fell evenly and her lower lip was hanging out. I unbuttoned the shirt, biting back a laugh when I saw I had buttoned them unevenly.

I peeled back the covers and slid under, watching her. I would never know how I got so lucky as to have this woman in my life. I brushed the back of my hand across her cheek and she stirred slightly, opening her eyes to look at me.

"Edward?" she asked softly.

"Shh, go back to sleep. I'm sorry I woke you."

She scooted closer to me and I slipped an arm around her waist, kissing her forehead. "Goodnight, love."

"Are you really here?" she asked.

I chuckled. "Yes, angel, now go to sleep." She nodded and I began to hum softly to her while running a finger through her hair.

"Love you," she mumbled out once she was asleep.

I stared at her before tugging her closer. "I love you, too. Always."

********

**A/N: Can I get a collective 'Aww' here? Thanks guys! So what did you think of Bella's surprise? **

**Thanks to the usual suspects, Little Miss Masen, and kimberlycullen10!**

**Reviews are like Rachelle Lefevre—vital and necessary!**


	12. Preparing for War

**Disclaimer: Since the last time I posted, I have still not received rights to Twilight and/or its characters; Steph doesn't seem to want to give them up! Guess she never got the lecture on the joys of sharing –wink-**

******

[ Bella ]

I rocked on my tip toes, the wood chair creaking under the shift in my weight. I ran the rag across the fan blade, a shower of dust sprinkling off and causing me to cough as I inhaled it. I pushed my hair away from my face and exhaled loudly. I had woken up about 5:30 in the morning with the urge to clean. Usually when I got this way, it was because I was worked up about something. The only reason I could come up with was getting revenge on Alice.

She deserved it; I'll be the first one to admit it. Alice had taunted the boys and egged me on in this ridiculous battle of the sexes, all while still keeping Jasper when Rosalie and I had to sleep alone.

Oh yes, sweet revenge was due.

But that's not what I was worked up about—Alice was a force to be reckoned with. The plan that Edward and I came up with seemed innocent enough, but the backlash that could ensue from it could be treacherous. I was contemplating letting Jasper in on the secret so he could help with the repercussions, which is why I had woken up so early. I kept going back and forth over what to do, and I couldn't stay in bed any longer.

This brings it all back to me cleaning the ceiling fans. I couldn't vacuum or do anything loud because I didn't want to wake Edward up. I had a feeling he'd still be reeling from his over-indulgence in Little Debbies last night, so I tried to let him sleep in as long as he could. I'd called into work and told them I was taking a personal day, wanting to enjoy my first day as someone's fiancé away from the office.

I'd already cleaned the kitchen sink, the glass patio windows, and done two loads of laundry. I was standing on a wooden chair from the dining room because I was too short to reach the fan blades, and was grabbing onto the blade to steady myself when I felt a set of hands grab my waist.

"Ah!" I shrieked as I lost my footing, tumbling backwards over the chair and into Edward's arms. My legs, unfortunately, crashed against the back of the chair and I wailed out in pain.

Edward looked down at me in alarm and pulled me over onto the couch. "Baby, you okay?"

I threw my forearm over my eyes, wincing as his fingers poked and prodded my skin.

"Does it hurt?"

"Of course it fucking hurts!" I shouted, trying to pull my leg away from him.

He gently yanked it back towards him, running his fingers over the backs of my knees where they had collided with the chair.

I inhaled sharply. "Edward, please stop."

"I just want to make sure nothing's broken," he said quietly.

"You're not a doctor," I reminded him.

He set my leg back down on the couch and I heard him sigh and turn away from me. I peeked out from behind my arm and saw him sulking. I mentally took a deep breath and leaned forward, pulling on his arm. He turned to look at me with a dejected face.

"I'm sorry," I said, not knowing what else to say.

He nodded.

I pulled on his arm. "I mean it; I'm sorry."

"Why won't you let me take care of you?" He asked softly, his eyes studying my grip on his arm.

"I do let you take care of me—I let you drive home last night and snuggle with me," I reminded him.

A small grin crept up on his face.

"See? I just…my leg hurts, and I don't want you touching it. I know you want to take care of me, but poking and prodding an injury is not always the answer."

"I could call my Dad?" He offered.

I shook my head. "Could you get me some ice?"

He nodded and scurried off to the kitchen, returning with an ice pack. He placed it under my knee along with a towel to keep it from giving me frostbite. "What the hell were you doing on the chair anyway?"

I rolled my eyes. "I was in the mood to clean, so I was wiping the fan blades off—they get really dusty."

"You should have let me help you."

"Shoulda, woulda, coulda, Edward."

He chuckled, leaning over and giving me a quick kiss. "Good morning, by the way."

I huffed and then winked at him. "Good only because I had my strong and handsome Prince Charming to come rescue me from cleaning this horribly dirty house."

"Well, CinderBella, it's all in a days work."

I threw a pillow at him and we both laughed. "How's your stomach feeling?"

He shrugged. "Better—I still feel like I could toss my Little Debbies at any given moment. I called work and told them I wasn't coming in—with the Swine Flu scare going around, they were pretty lenient with the questioning."

I nodded. "Do you want some Tums or something?" I started to get up off the couch but he held up his hand.

"I can get it. You just relax," he took my hand and kissed it, rubbing his thumb against the engagement ring. He shot off the couch again and I stretched out my leg, letting the ice sink right under my knee. I hissed as the cold made contact with the skin, but relaxed as it started to feel good.

I'm pretty sure I dozed off for a bit because when I woke up, Edward was sprawled out across the armchair, legs dangling off the side, playing Brain Age on my pink Nintendo DS. I rubbed my eyes and tried to focus.

"Are you playing with my DS?" I asked.

He looked up sheepishly and smiled. "Uh, yeah, sorry."

"Where did you find that? I've been looking for it all over the place!"

He blushed and looked back at the screen. "I took it with me on my business trip," he mumbled softly.

I laughed. "No one made fun of you because it was pink?"

He shook his head. "I bought a cover for it."

"Why don't you just buy your own? Then you can have whatever color you want," I suggested.

"Nah, I like sharing with you," he said, grinning as he got one of the questions right.

"Sounds good, so long as I can borrow your Volvo once in a while," I teased.

"Okay, baby."

I looked over at him and he wasn't even paying attention to what I was saying. I decided to have some fun with this.

"And you let me host a nude party at the house."

"Whatever you want."

"And I'm going to start dating your brother."

"Of course." He was clicking through the questions at an intense speed, his eyebrow furrowed together in concentration.

"And I'm pregnant."

"Always," he said before tossing the game down and staring up at me. "Excuse me, what?!"

I laughed. "You weren't even listening to a word I said!"

"Are you p-p-pregnant?"

"N-n-n-no," I said, mocking him, to which I received a glare. "I'm also not hosting a nude party at the house or dating your brother."

He stared at me. "What the hell?"

I laughed again, clutching my side. "Serves you right for not paying attention to me."

He stuck out his tongue before shutting down the game system and sitting next to me, pulling me into his chest. "Oh, my dear and sweet love, will you ever be able to forgive me?"

I pretended to think, and he nudged me. I smiled up at him, "I think I could be persuaded."

He laughed, leaning in to give me a quick kiss. "I'm gonna jump in the shower real quick before Alice shows up. At least, I am assuming she's going to show up."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, she's going to show up. If I know Alice, and I think I do by now, then she should be here in about 30 minutes, toting either a bag of scarves or gloves she's just bought, and a huge cup of coffee."

Edward looked at me. "If you're right, I will give you ten dollars."

"Ten dollars? Ooh, Edward, don't go spending all your money."

He rolled his eyes. "Fine, I'll buy you a new pair of shoes or something—whatever you want."

I touched my finger to my chin. "That could work."

He shook his head and headed off towards the bathroom. I heard the water moving through the pipes and got up, hobbling into the kitchen. I grabbed the bottle of Advil and stuck two in my mouth, chasing it down with a cup of water. I pushed my hair away from my face and sighed, staring out the window.

My thoughts crept back to Alice. Perhaps I should have called my Dad and asked to borrow a bullet-proof vest and a gun of some sorts in case she got violent.

I popped a few slices of bread in the toaster and dug out the butter and jam. I glanced down at my engagement ring and smiled again, moving my hand so the small diamond would catch in the light.

Edward walked in, shuffling his feet. "You like your new accessory?"

I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Real mature, Bella. Nice one."

The toast popped up and before I could grab it, Edward swooped in and scooped them onto a plate, settling himself down at the table.

I turned to him. "Excuse me?"

He smiled cutely. "Oh, right. Thanks for breakfast, hun."

I hobbled over to the table, exaggerating my pain to make him feel guilty. "That was for me, the poor crippled gal."

He frowned. "You don't love me anymore? I thought the toast was for me."

I shook my head. "You silly boy, of course I love you! But the toast was for me." I swiped at the plate but he was too fast and pulled it back behind him. I pouted.

"I'll make you a deal," he started.

"I'm not shaving my head," I said, and he winced.

"Totally not where I was going, but thank you for the guilt trip nonetheless."

I nodded.

"If you give me a kiss, I will give you a piece of toast."

I frowned. "But both pieces were mine to begin with, how is this fair?"

"For better or for worse," he taunted me.

"Hey, I haven't taken the vows yet," I reminded him.

He slid the plate back on the table. I immediately snagged a piece and smiled. He stuck his tongue out at me and I winked.

He looked at his watch. "How long has it been since you said Alice was coming?"

I shrugged. "Maybe like, what? Twenty-five minutes?"

As if on cue, my cell phone began ringing. Edward ran off to get it, bringing it back to me.

"It's Alice," he said.

I flipped the phone open. "Hey, Alice, what's up?"

"Oh, Bella, you sound awake!"

I laughed lightly. "Yes, I am awake."

"Well good because I'm coming over! I will be there in about five minutes."

"Okay, see you in five." She hung up and I looked over at Edward triumphantly.

He huffed, biting into his toast. "Well she better have a shopping bag or I win!"

We didn't speak for the remaining time until Alice showed up. She let herself in with the spare key, which sometimes I regret giving her. I heard her struggling when she called for me.

"I'm in the kitchen!" I looked over to Edward and raised an eyebrow at him.

"Are you ready for this?" He asked me.

I shrugged my shoulders. "As ready as I'll ever be." I made a cross sign across my chest and Edward giggled.

Alice came bounding in the kitchen, a huge bag in her hands. "Bella, you won't believe the deal they were having down at Bloomingdales! I got you the cutest hat, scarf, and glove set!"

I looked over to Edward who had his head down in defeat.

"I'm a size 7, and I saw the cutest pair of brown leather boots at Neiman Marcus," I gloated.

******

**A/N: dun dun dunnnn! Alice will get her dues next chapter! **

**Just a heads up, we are nearing a close with the story—perhaps a chapter or two left. It's been a great ride, so thanks to everyone who has been reading and reviewing—it has made this an enjoyable story to write!**

**I am going to a Twilight convention this weekend so if you wanna follow what's happening on Twitter, I'm MelsVFP**


	13. Revenge Is a Dish Best Served Cold

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, but thanks to love/author DaniUberAlles, I own a cardboard Carlisle

** ** **

[ Chapter Thirteen ]

[ Edward ]

You would have thought I'd learn my lesson by now about making bets, but of course I hadn't. Old habits die hard, right?

I watched as Alice pulled out some winter gear and gave it to Bella. They both cooed over how great it would go with some outfit she owned. I couldn't help but pout that I had, once again, lost a bet.

"Oh, don't frown, Edward! I got you and Jasper matching scarves!"

I groaned. "Really, Alice? Is that necessary?"

Bella shot me a 'don't even go there' look and tucked the hat on her head. "I think they look great! This will be perfect when we go ice skating!"

I racked my brain, trying to remember when the subject of ice skating had come up.

They squealed together in excitement and started babbling about color coordination and other girly shit. I snagged a bite of my toast and pulled out my phone as it vibrated.

One new text: Jasper.

Do I need to call 911 yet?

I laughed quietly as I replied. No, but get your ice skates ready.

A few seconds later it buzzed again. Oh, God.

I picked up my plate full of crumbs and set it in the sink. I turned to walk out of the kitchen when I heard a cough behind me.

"Are you going to rinse that and put it in the dishwasher?" Bella asked, one eyebrow raised.

I smiled sheepishly. "Oh, right, sorry." I turned back and rinsed the dish, setting it on the top rack. I smiled at the girls. "Come in the living room, I want to show you something."

They got up and followed behind me and I gestured for them to sit down on the couch. Alice looked at me skeptically but I kept smiling.

"Girls, I have some exciting news."

"You're buying a department store and want me to be the manager?!" Alice cried.

I shook my head. "No."

"You got a promotion?" Bella asked nervously.

I laughed. "No. Bella, come stand next to me."

She stood up, eyeing me. I tucked her tight against me and smiled. "You know how much I love you," I started.

Alice let out the shrillest squeal I had ever heard in my life.

We both turned to look at her and she sunk into the couch. "Sorry," she squeaked. "Continue."

I turned to Bella and smiled. "I just wanted to—"

Alice squealed again. "Are you proposing?!"

I looked to Bella and back at Alice. "No, why would I do that?"

Alice's face went from excited to enraged in about two seconds. "Excuse me?! Of course you would!" She was standing now and she reminded me of those cartoons with the steam coming out of their ears.

Bella looked to me in panic and I pushed her slightly behind me. We'd expected this much from Alice at least.

"Why would you not propose to her?! What is wrong with you?"

I held up my hands. "Alice, stop! Listen to me for a second!"

She walked up to me, staring evilly at me. "I will not listen! You are such an asshole, Edward! I will not hold my tongue on this! Bella is the only person who will ever be able to put up with your shit and you aren't going to propose to her?!" She grabbed her hair in her hands. "Please tell me this is some kind of sick and cruel joke."

Bella stepped forward. "Alice—"

She threw her hands up. "No! Absolutely not! You are not going to try to calm me down! I have held my tongue long enough!"

I grabbed her shoulder. "Alice, we're already engaged."

"It's just unbelievable to me that you would even begin what looks like a proposal and then not even propose! Edward, don't you know that this is the moment that girls dream about all their lives? And you're going to stand here and fake her out while I watch from the sidelines?"

"Alice, we're already engaged."

She wasn't even paying attention. "I mean, I know since I've been little I've been planning out how I'd be proposed to—and then I'd tell someone so that they could tell my future husband. Luckily Jasper was a smart man and all…I mean Lord knows what would have happened if he got it wrong…"

"We're already engaged!" Bella shouted.

Alice stopped rambling and looked at us both. "What?" she growled.

Bella held up her ring, her smile sparkling as much as the diamond. "He already asked me! And I said yes!"

She turned to me. "When? And why wasn't I told about this instantly?!"

"Well, if you must know, it happened the other night when Bella and I were talking."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "You haven't been talking for weeks."

Bella smiled. "We made up the other night."

Alice's jaw dropped. "You've been pretending to fight?!"

We nodded.

"Why on earth would you do that?!"

"To get back at everyone for trying to double team us," Bella said nonchalantly.

"That's cruel! Even during the eating contest?"

We both nodded.

She threw her hands up. "Unbelievable. Really, you think you know someone."

I laughed. "I'm just glad you aren't beating me up."

"Oh, it's coming. Sleep with one eye open, Edward Cullen."

Bella shook her head at Alice. "You better not kill my fiancé!"

Alice squealed in delight. "Oh, we have a wedding to plan!"

Bella, the brave soul that she is, shook her head. "No. There's not going to be a ceremony. Nothing."

Alice's face turned dark again. "No ceremony?"

"Edward and I just want it to be us and a Justice of the Peace. Very non-traditional and get it over with as soon as possible. Maybe on our lunch breaks tomorrow?"

I nodded. "Sounds wonderful. I don't want to wait."

Alice howled. "This is NOT happening! No! This cannot be happening! I never got to help Rosalie with hers because she went off and Las Vegas'd herself to Emmett. No, you HAVE to have a wedding and I HAVE to plan it."

"I hate to break it to you, but it's not happening like that, Al," Bella said.

Alice's face turned a dark red. "Yes. It. Will."

I found myself getting angry, even though I was in on the whole scheme. "Alice, look. You need to calm down and just—"

She turned to me, large tears falling down her angry face. "You knew this was the one thing I was looking forward to, Edward. I just can't believe you would leave me out of this. I mean, I get it—it's whatever the two of you want to do and all, but you saw how heartbroken I was with Rose and Emmett and you promised me you wouldn't do that to me. And here you are, engaged, planning to run off and get married. Well go on and break that promise, it's not like I matter or anything!"

Bella tried to tuck an arm around her, offering comfort, but Alice reared back. "Oh no, you will not be getting any sympathy from me and I will not be taking any sympathy from you! You were my best friend, Bella, but now it's like you're a complete stranger!"

I started to feel bad, knowing that on some level this was going to upset Bella and perhaps even put a dent in their friendship. I grabbed Bella's hand and held it out towards Alice. "Do you at least like the ring?"

She turned her face away in mock anger but I knew secretly inside she was dying to get her hands on it. After all, she was Alice, and everyone knew how Alice was. I counted in my head.

One, two, three.

Faster than a bolt of lightning she was on the ring, pulling it up to her face and twisting Bella's hand, getting different angles in the light. I could see her eyes glimmering and knew I had done a great job. However, Alice wanted to make me suffer so she shrugged her shoulders.

"It's alright, if that's what you're into."

I saw Bella's lip quivering and I started seeing red myself. "Alice, if you're going to be a bitch then you can just leave."

Both Bella and Alice turned to me with wide eyes. I shrugged my shoulders, mocking Alice's earlier actions. "What? I won't have you sit here and be a Debbie-downer on one of the most important days of Bella's life. I mean, if you guys are really best friends, wouldn't you think instead of making this about you that you'd be happy for her?"

Alice looked down at her shoes and then back up at Bella. Tears were falling again and she wiped them with her hand. "Edward's right; I should be happy that he asked you to marry him. And I am happy for you, I really am. I'm sorry I let my selfishness get the best of me. It's just…you two would have the most beautiful wedding if you'd let me help you. All my life I wanted to help my best friend plan her wedding. Luckily I have two best friends, so when Rosalie jumped ship for Vegas I thought I could still count on this wedding. I've always wanted to be a Maid of Honor. So I am sorry, really, for getting so worked up and not being able to celebrate with you. Maybe I should just go," she said sadly, looking around for her purse.

I looked at Bella, who stood there broken-hearted, and I nodded at her.

"Alice?" she called softly.

Alice turned to look at her, her shoulders slumped.

Bella looked to me and then back at Alice. "You're right. Your best friend should let you be part of planning the most perfect and important day of her life."

Her eyes snapped to me and then back to Bella. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying, yes, let's do the whole wedding ceremony and reception sha-bang."

Alice squealed and ran back to Bella, hugging her fiercely. "Thank you," I heard her whisper as Bella rubbed her back gently.

I stood there with my hands in my pockets, feeling like a jerk, when Alice turned to look at me.

"As much as I want to kick you in the balls right now, I'm not going to, because then I'll never get the chance to be an Aunt," she said dramatically.

I laughed quietly and looked over to Bella, winking at her.

"Alice, there's something we want to tell you…"

"Oh my God are you pregnant, too!? Really?! Does anyone else know?!"

"We're not pregnant. Not yet anyway," I jumped in.

"Well what then!" Alice cried.

Bella swallowed and looked at her best friend. "Well, actually, we never planned to go to Las Vegas or get married just the two of us."

Alice's brow furrowed. "What are you trying to say?"

"Well, we just wanted to teach you a lesson."

Her hands went to her hips. "A lesson about what?"

"You're always trying to meddle in our relationship. And don't say that you don't because you know it's true. And then when this whole boys vs. girls competition came up, you were the ringleader of the girls' team, trying to keep me and Edward apart. So when he and I made up and sat down and talked about it all, we realized that maybe you all need to learn a lesson."

"This was a punishment? You lied to me?"

"Well, yes, technically. We just wanted you to feel upset because we had been upset with each other for so long. Alice, I love you, just like you were my own sister, but sometimes you need to stay out of mine and Edward's business. You just assume that you can fix everything and then you try to do it. But we don't want that. We want to be able to fix things on our own, by ourselves. Yes, I was upset with Edward for shaving his head, but I would have moved on from it a lot quicker if you hadn't insisted that I teach him a lesson. And it was fun, I'll admit it. But in the end, we just needed you to feel the way we did. And we knew the only way to do that would be to deny you something you wanted the most—planning our wedding."

Alice shook her head, staring at the both of us. "Evil, pure evil."

I laughed. "But you aren't the only one who was punished. Emmett, ringleader for the boys, got his handed to him the other night with the Little Debbies."

She laughed hard, holding onto her side. "Okay, now I don't feel so mad at you anymore. I know I deserved it.

"Good. I'm glad we got that all done and over with," Bella said, sighing against me.

"Wait until I tell Jasper! He'll be so shocked!" she cried excitedly.

"We thought we'd tell everyone tomorrow night. Have the family back over for dinner again and share the news," I said, "so please, Alice, don't say anything to Jasper."

I already knew she would most likely tell him but I thought at least I'd give her a warning. Maybe she'd surprise us and not tell anyone? Fat chance.

** ** **

[ Bella ]

I felt such a weight lift off my shoulders after we had stuck it to Alice. I really was nervous that she was going to go crazy and attack me or Edward. I didn't want her to be upset, but sometimes she let things go on a little too far.

We talked about some preliminary ideas for the ceremony, but I promised Alice that I was not making any major decisions until Edward and I had sat down and talked about it and set a date. Luckily she agreed with me, stating that major decisions such as colors and dress styles couldn't be made until we knew what the weather was going to be like.

She left after a few hours, probably to go home and Google some wedding ideas or locations. As nervous as I was for Alice to take over the wedding planning I was relieved to know that she'd be doing a lot of the stressful work for me. All I had to do was make the choice—but she provided the options. It was perfect.

I grabbed the phone off its cradle and sat down next to Edward on the couch. He picked up his glass of water and offered it to me. I took a huge swig before handing it back, snuggling into the arm of the couch. Edward scooted over so he was on the other end, stretched out as well.

"Who ya gonna call?" he asked.

"Ghostbusters!" I mocked.

He rolled his eyes as a small smile graced his lips. "You're a crazy woman, but I sure do love you."

"Well thank God for that!" I laughed, poking the bottom of his foot with my toe. He jumped and eyed me warily. Edward didn't really like people messing with his feet.

"Bella," he warned.

I held my hands up in the air. "I know, I know. Trust me, I know." I rolled my eyes at him and began dialing the familiar number. I let it ring a few times before a friendly voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Carlisle," I said, melting back into the couch. Edward's dad was by far one of the most charming and wonderful men on the face of this Earth. I was looking forward to him being my dad as well. When Charlie was busy or away, it still felt like I had a dad that I could turn to.

"Oh, hello, sweet Bella! And how are you?"

"I'm fine, thank you. I was wondering if you and Esme would like to come over for dinner tomorrow night? I know we had family dinner night already but I just figured, you know…"

I could almost hear him smile. "Of course, we'd love to. Do you need us to bring anything?"

Edward leaned over close to my ear. "Dad! Ask Mom to make Butterscotch pie!"

Carlisle chuckled and I pushed Edward off me. "Go away, he didn't ask you," I teased.

Edward whined and I turned my attention back to the phone. "Can you ask her to bring a loaf of French bread?" I heard Edward whine again. "And the Butterscotch pie?" I mumbled, to which Edward cheered.

"Of course, I know she'd do anything for that spoiled rotten son of hers."

"You're not claiming him now?" I teased.

"Nope, no way. Not me," he laughed.

Edward pouted in his corner, knowing we were picking on him.

I coughed. "Well, I should go. Poutward over here needs a little attention. We'll see you tomorrow at 5:15?" I asked hopefully.

"Sounds great, we should be there between 5:15 and 5:30. Goodnight, Bella. Go easy on my boy, he's tender."

I smiled. "Oh I will. Goodnight." I hung up the phone and crawled over to Edward's side of the couch. He tried to keep his eyes away from me but I kept moving my face to meet his. Eventually he stuck his tongue out immaturely and I laughed, giving his side a good tickle. He shifted and jumped while I laughed. I leaned in and kissed his cheek and he relaxed under my touch, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into his chest. "Sorry," I whispered.

He laughed into my ear and his chest shook below me. "Don't be sorry; I don't really mind that you and my dad get along. It's not like I'm jealous or anything."

I laughed and looked up at him. "I love you."

He grinned as he leaned in and kissed me. "I love you, too."

Things were looking up after all.

** ** **

A/N: Writer's block= the most annoying thing ever. I seriously wrote this chapter 5 separate times and ways and it just wouldn't come out right. But here she is, over 2 months later! We've got one more chapter, crew, so I wanted to take a second to pre-thank everyone for their support and love of this tale! It means a lot to me!

Thanks most of all to my best friend/beta Little Miss Masen because, well, she rocks.


	14. The Moral of the Story Is

Disclaimer: I asked for Twilight rights for Valentine's Day, but only got a New Moon poster. So, I still don't own it. Sorry.

Mini A/n: last chapter, gang! Here we go!

** **

[ Edward ]

I loved that woman. I could never say it enough. She just…she was perfect for me. I grinned as I laid in bed, watching her as she snored, the sheets tucked up under her chin. I tried to keep myself from laughing as I ran the tip of my finger down the slope of her nose. She shifted and let out a small groan, not liking to be bothered while she slept.

I was so proud of her yesterday for standing up to Alice and giving her a taste of her own medicine. But I was also proud that she, in the end, did what she wanted, and still let Alice help out—she loved Bella like a sister and it was going to mean so much to her to be able to help put our wedding together. And on the plus side, Alice could make many of the major decisions for me, since she knew me inside and out. This would make it less stressful for me, since I'd be working extra hours to try to earn some money to pay for all the flowers and appetizers I'm sure we would be having.

I let my finger skim down her cheek and underneath the sheet, south towards her neck. She wriggled away from me and deeper into the sheet, causing me to grin. I leaned over and kissed her cheek, running my stubble across her soft skin.

"Edward," she groaned, dragging out the 'a' sound.

"Rise and shine, my sweet girl," I whispered gruffly.

She pulled the sheet over her head and whined. "No, it's too early."

"The sun is rising, and I have to leave for work soon."

I heard her sigh and pull the sheet from off her face. Her eyes were still wrinkled shut and I kissed the tip of her nose.

"Good morning, sunshine," I said sweetly before I crawled out of the bed, yanking the blankets and sheets with me.

She let out a loud squeal and curled up in a ball like a kitten. I giggled as she turned and glared at me. In a second's hesitation, she lunged forward and grabbed onto my pajama pants, yanking them past my knees.

I laughed and shook my head. "Bella, if you wanted me naked, you didn't have to go through all that—you could have just asked."

She gave me the finger as I walked into the bathroom and shut the door. I locked the door, scared of her retribution, and showered, towel drying my hair and combing it out. I slapped some cologne on and walked out to an empty bedroom. I shrugged to myself and walked over to my dresser, pulling out some clothes to wear into the office. I dressed quickly and grabbed some socks and shoes, carrying them downstairs with me.

I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a glass, filling it with orange juice while slipping some toast in to crisp. I hummed to myself as I did a little dance around the kitchen.

I heard her laugh from the other room and I did a slide move towards the door, peeking in at her. "Something amusing, Miss Swan?" I asked, an eyebrow cocked.

Her hand was flying across the page, her pen loudly scratching against the rough paper. "Yes, very, in fact. You see, there is this guy in my kitchen and I think he was singing Sinatra love songs," she said casually, trying to hide a smile on her face.

I exhaled loudly. "It was Buble's version. I took you for more of a music aficionado than I gave you credit for." I heard my toast pop up and I walked back into the kitchen, grabbing it and slipping some butter on top. I leaned against the counter and crunched, alternating between toast and juice.

Bella walked in and opened a few cabinets, adding some things to her list.

"When do you go back to work?" I asked.

She shrugged. "Big Boss said I could start working from home unless meetings called me in. I think I'll go in towards the end of the week and see how things are sitting over there, keep them on their toes," she grinned evilly. I knew my girl was a killer in the office when she wanted to be.

I grabbed the toast from the toaster and buttered it before stuffing it into my mouth. The loud crunch sent crumbs all down the front of shirt. I swatted them away and looked up to find Bella semi-glaring at me. I put on my innocent face and smiled. "What?" I asked innocently.

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, I think you know. Now go before you're late for work," she said before going back to her list.

I walked by her, leaving a kiss on her cheek. "Love you. See you around 4ish."

"You, too," she said, sticking her head into one of the cupboards.

I laughed as I got into my car and headed over to my job. I caught a glance at myself in the mirror. My hair was growing back and it really looked good, not all sloppy like it usually did, but it was a silent reminder of just how much I'd fucked up royally. I was a blessed son of a bitch to have Bella as my fiancé, and I vowed to myself that I wasn't gonna be so stupid again.

As I walked into my office and sat down at my computer, I smiled at the screensaver. It was Bella and me at a charity carnival about a year ago. She'd gotten her face painted with a kitten on one side and a heart on the other. I had a stick of cotton candy in my hand and a balloon on a stick in the other. We were giggling as the clown behind us squirted us with his flower. It was another happy memory to add to our lifetime portfolio and I touched the screen gingerly with my fingertips, tracing her bright smile.

The phone rang, bringing me back to the present, and I started sifting through the stack of papers in front of me. I'd be busy for the rest of the day. I sighed.

I couldn't wait to get home to my girl again.

** **

[ Bella ]

I pushed the rickety cart through the grocery store, wincing every so often when the wheel would grate and shriek. Of course today would be the busiest day and it would be the only cart left. Part of me was tempted to try to carry everything, but I knew that would end up in chaos. So here I was, pushing the cart of death through the aisles.

"Ouch," I said as my cart hit a metal corner and my shin banged into the cart's metal bar. I kicked my foot wildly in the air and took deep breaths, trying to distract myself.

"I guess some things just never seem to change," I heard a man's voice chuckle. I turned to find one of mine and Edward's old friends, Peter, standing there with a smug look on his face.

"Not everything gets better with age," I joked, stepping around the cart to give him a friendly hug. I stood back and admired him. He'd grown up a lot since the last time I'd seen him, and looked healthy. "You look great," I said with a warm smile.

He shrugged and a pink tinge I knew very well crept up on his cheeks. "Thanks, the doctors think that everything is going to go smoothly from here on out." He'd been battling cancer for the last two years and had been in and out of hospitals.

"Well, your hair is growing in quite nicely," I remarked, nodding towards his half-shaven look. "You know, Edward just shaved his head, too. You guys would look like a pair of twins."

His eyes bugged out. "Edward? Bald?"

I sighed and laughed. "Oh yes, but its growing back. That man is like a Chia pet, I swear. Water him and he grows."

He laughed and then I heard the most obnoxious laugh and I cringed.

"Hello, Peter! You look great!" Jessica Stanley said as she sauntered over into our conversation.

He greeted her nicely and she began babbling on about her life and how things were going for her. I felt my stomach start to curl when she mentioned that she'd just gotten a divorce from her husband and was trying to get "back on the scene."

She turned to me in an almost snarl. "Oh, hi, Bella."

I felt my eyes water up. It wasn't that I really cared about what Jessica Stanley thought about me, but she always went after the men that were important in my life. Once I started dating Edward, she all but threw herself at him. Jessica ran into Edward, Peter, and me one night and she'd taken claim to him, too. Of course she disregarded me and treated me like absolute dirt, which pissed Edward off to no end. He blew up on her and I hadn't seen her since. But here she was, standing in front of me with her boobs hanging out and her shorts barely longer than her underwear. And she was snarling at me.

"Peter, please call us sometime so we can get together," I pleaded, just wanting to get the hell out of there.

He pulled my hand and then looked back at me. "Did Edward finally saddle up and ask you?"

Jessica's eyes felt like they were burning a hole in my hand as I pulled it away from Peter and stuffed it in my jeans pocket. "He did ask me, and of course I said yes."

He pulled me into a tight hug and kissed my cheek. "Congratulations, sweetheart. I know you'll be very happy."

"Congratulations," Jessica spat.

I fought the urge to roll my eyes as I waved goodbye to Peter and he stuck his tongue out at me; I'd left him with Jessica but I had to get out of there. I even left the grocery cart which was half full by now. I walked out of the store and collapsed into my car. I closed my eyes and laid my head back against the seat rest.

"Fucking scum bag whorish bitch," I muttered, my fists clenching. I fought back the urge to go in and pummel her once and for all. I was so excited when I had found out she got married and had moved to Oregon. I'd wanted nothing more than to be rid of her and running into her around town. But apparently she was back. I only hoped that she'd latch on to some unlucky sugar daddy and get the hell out again.

After I'd calmed down I started the car and drove to the mall. I wasn't much of a shopper, but I did find it relaxing from time to time. I walked around and stopped in a few stores, picking up a birthday present for Carlisle, since I knew Edward would get busy and forget. I stopped and had lunch as well, and enjoyed myself when I ran into an old friend from college. We chatted and window shopped together for a bit.

A few hours and a couple of hundred dollars later, I was bogged down with stuff as I waddled my way into the house, thinking I could get it all in one trip. I barely made it before collapsing on the living room couch. I let out a huge sigh and turned the television on. I heard music and smiled when I saw Ellen dancing on her talk show. I watched for a little while as they interviewed John Travolta about some upcoming movie. As the musical guest, John Legend, performed I picked up some papers around the house and straightened up a bit before the family got here. I smiled warmly to myself, excited that soon they would be part of my legal family as well. I know it sounded cheesy, but it was like having a wonderful dream, and waking up to find out it was true.

Alice called a bit later and informed me she was bringing some sort of appetizer and wondered what we were having. I explained to her my dilemma at the grocery store and she laughed.

"Oh, Bella, you should have pulled her hair and shoved her in a freezer! It would have made the evening news!"

I groaned. "I wish. Anyway, I'm just going to order a bunch of pizzas. It'll be nice not to stress out and cook anyway." I heard the door open and smiled knowing Edward was home. "Gotta run, the Mister of the House is here."

Alice giggled and promised to be over in a while and I hung up, tossing my phone on the coffee table. Edward walked in and stopped in the doorway, eyeing the bags.

"Sale at the grocery store?" he teased.

"Ugh, no. I didn't stay there very long. I ran into Peter and—"

"Peter! What's he doing in town?"

"I don't know I didn't get to talk to him that much because newly divorced Jessica Skankley showed up and ruined the moment."

He pouted and peeked in one of the bags before pushing it aside and walking over to me. He kissed me softly and smiled. "You shoulda put her in the freezer."

"Alice said the same exact thing!"

He tapped his head. "She is my sister. A brilliant, scheming, evil one at that."

"Will you call and order some pizza? We'll need enough for everyone."

"Emmett's coming, right?" he asked as he dialed and waited. I nodded.

Someone on the other end answered. "Yes, hello Pizza Hut. I'd like to place an order for delivery. I'll need one cheese pizza, one veggie pizza, one pepperoni, and two meat lovers. Yes, Cullen. Right. Okay, thanks." He hung up and laughed. "They asked if Emmett was coming over! Oh, I love living in a small town!"

I shook my head and stood up from the couch, scooting past Edward to the kitchen. I grabbed a soda and a beer and popped the cap, handing it to him on my way back to my cozy spot. He plopped down next to me and we stared at the ceiling.

"We should put some glitter stars or something up there," Edward observed. "Somehow we always find ourselves in this position. On the couch, staring at the ceiling, and talking."

"Meh, if we did that, it wouldn't be the same anymore."

"Valid point." We sat that way until someone knocked on the door and Edward got up to answer it. I shuffled to get the bags in our bedroom in case it was Carlisle and Esme. Luckily it was Jasper and Alice. They came in all smiles and hugs as Alice set a huge plate of nachos down on the dining room table. Edward and Jasper reached for them but Alice clicked her tongue in warning and they scooted off towards the living room.

"I swear, they are like young boys together," Alice giggled as she covered up the nachos with some aluminum foil.

The doorbell rang and Alice and I smiled. It had to be her parents—they were the only ones aside from solicitors and the mailman who ever rang the doorbell.

They came into the kitchen and we both tackled them in hugs. They laughed and joked with us about our enthusiasm.

"Bella, did you girls get into those leftover Little Debbies?" Carlisle asked.

"What leftovers? Do you know who lives in this house?" I teased.

Rosalie walked into the kitchen and grinned at us as she held up a few bottles of wine. I loved family get-togethers because it always felt like a large party. She kissed mine, Alice's and Esme's cheeks as she walked by to put the bottles in the fridge.

"Where is my son? Have you killed him yet?" Esme snickered.

"Ugh, no, not yet unfortunately. He's outside doing Lord knows what…"

A large boom and a round of cheers let us know he had made his grand entrance. He walked into the dining room with a stack of pizza boxes, the top one open, and a piece of meat lovers hanging out of his mouth.

"Emmett! You're supposed to wait for everyone!" Rosalie said, smacking him on the arm. He muffled a pizza-filled reply and gave me a goofy grin and a wink. I rolled my eyes.

"Set it down on the counter," I instructed. Edward and Jasper wandered in, rubbing their belly's and grinning like kids who'd already gotten their hands in the cookie jar.

"Jasper! Edward! Have you no self control?!" Alice yelled, throwing her hands up in the air. She opened the top pizza box to find three pieces missing.

Carlisle clapped his hands together and announced that dinner was apparently, already served. "It's everyone for themselves!" he shouted as he rushed to the kitchen to grab a paper plate.

Esme shook her head and chased after him, warning him not to get the pepperoni. We all giggled and grabbed some plates and pizza, all sitting at the dinner table and passing the nachos. Conversation was light and fun but quieted down while we stuffed our faces.

After three quarters of the pizza was gone and all the men had unbuttoned their pants, we sat back and toasted to health, happiness, and love. Everyone clinked glasses and smiled, settling back in their chairs.

"So, kids, did you learn a valuable lesson?" Carlisle asked, a sparkle in his eyes.

"Yes, I learned that I should pack Pepto whenever I come over here," Emmett groaned.

"No, Emmett, that's not what he meant," I started. "I think what he meant to say is, are you gonna make stupid bets anymore? Was it really worth it for you, getting kicked out of your house and humiliated over a carton of Little Debbies?"

"Oh, that? Well…it wasn't really worth it. It was funny but, I won't be doing that again," he said, looking over to Rosalie who nodded her head.

"That's all we ask for," Edward said. "That, and you each chip in for dinner costs."

I slapped Edward on the arm and he shrugged his shoulders at me.

"Oh, that reminds me, I brought the Butterscotch Pie!" Esme said, standing up and heading into the kitchen.

Jasper, Edward and Emmett all eyed each other.

"First one there gets the biggest piece," Edward said and they all took off, pushing each other into the doorway and down on the ground.

Alice and Rosalie rolled their eyes. Esme let out a quiet laugh and I just shook my head.

Those boys would never grow up. But I don't think we'd ever really want them to, anyway.

"So, which one of them is sleeping on the couch tonight?" Carlisle joked.

We all answered simultaneously. "Emmett."

"Of course, why didn't I guess that?" Carlisle teased.

Alice raised her hands in defense. "I'm staying out of this one…for now."

** **

A/N: Thank you SO SO much to every single one of you that has read, faved, alerted, reviewed, and done anything to show support for this story! Really, it started out as a small idea and me saying to Little Miss Masen "this might sound dumb, but what if…" and here we are, at the end! Thanks for all your help, love!

No, really, can I just tell you how awesome you all are? You've made me smile so many times, and you've been patiently supportive of my mini case of writer's block and hiatus.

I've got other stories that I know some of you are reading, so if you're jonesin for some LMW stuff, please go check em out!

Please show the Right Side gang some love and leave em a review! I'm toying with the ideas of a few outtakes so if there's something you want to see let me know!

Xo, LMW


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